Lena Dunham - Not That Kind of Girl - A Young Woman Tells You What She’s “Learned”

Copyright Copyright Dedication Epigraph Introduction Section I Love & Sex Take My Virginity (No, Really, Take It) Platonic Bed Sharing: A Great Idea (for People Who Hate Themselves) 18 Unlikely Things I’ve Said Flirtatiously Igor: Or, My Internet Boyfriend Died and So Can Yours Sharing Concerns: My Worst Email Ever, with Footnotes Girls & Jerks Barry Falling in Love Section II Body “Diet” Is a Four-Letter Word: How to Remain 10 Lbs. Overweight Eating Only Health Food Sex Scenes, Nude Scenes, and Publicly Sharing Your Body 15 Things I’ve Learned from My Mother What’s in My Bag Who Moved My Uterus? Section III Friendship Girl Crush: That Time I Was Almost a Lesbian, Then Vomited The Best Part 13 Things I’ve Learned Are Not Okay to Say to Friends Grace 10 Reasons I <3 NY Section IV Work This Is Supposed to Be Fun? Making the Most of Your Education Little Leather Gloves: The Joy of Wasting Time 17 Things I Learned from My Father Emails I Would Send If I Were One Ounce Crazier/Angrier/Braver I Didn’t Fuck Them, but They Yelled at Me Section V Big Picture Therapy & Me Is This Even Real? Thoughts on Death & Dying My Top 10 Health Concerns Hello Mother, Hello Father: Greetings from Fernwood Cove Camp for Girls My Regrets Guide to Running Away 15 Lessons You’ve Learned from Being Recognized Regularly on the Street True Punk Acknowledgments About the Author About the Publisher

4th Estate

An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.4thEstate.co.uk

This eBook first published in Great Britain by 4th Estate in 2014

Updated 2017

First published in the United States in 2014 by Random House,

an imprint and division of Random House LLC,

a Penguin Random House Company, New York.

Copyright © 2014, 2015 by Lena Dunham

Lena Dunham asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

Not That Kind of Girl is a work of nonfiction. Some names and identifying details have been changed.

Illustrations by Joana Avillez

Edna St. Vincent Millay, excerpt from a letter to Edith Wynne Matthison (July 6, 1917)

from Letters of Edna St. Vincent Millay , edited by Allan Ross Macdougall. Copyright 1952 by Norma Millay Ellis. Reprinted with the permission of The Permissions Company, Inc., on behalf of Holly Peppe, Literary Executor, The Millay Society, www.millay.org.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins

Source ISBN: 9780007515547

Ebook Edition © February 2017 ISBN: 9780007515530

Version: 2017-02-02

Dedication

For my family, of course.

For Nora.

And for Jack,

who is just as she said he would be.

Epigraph

Deep in her soul, however, she was waiting for something to happen. Like a sailor in distress, she would gaze out over the solitude of her life with desperate eyes, seeking some white sail in the mists of the far-off horizon. She did not know what this chance event would be, what wind would drive it to her, what shore it would carry her to, whether it was a longboat or a three-decked vessel, loaded with anguish or filled with happiness up to the portholes. But each morning, when she awoke, she hoped it would arrive that day.…

—GUSTAVE FLAUBERT, Madame Bovary

How quickly you transform the energy life throws you into folded bows of art.

—MY FATHER, admonishing me

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Epigraph

Introduction

Section I Love & Sex

Take My Virginity (No, Really, Take It)

Platonic Bed Sharing: A Great Idea (for People Who Hate Themselves)

18 Unlikely Things I’ve Said Flirtatiously

Igor: Or, My Internet Boyfriend Died and So Can Yours

Sharing Concerns: My Worst Email Ever, with Footnotes

Girls & Jerks

Barry

Falling in Love

Section II Body

“Diet” Is a Four-Letter Word: How to Remain 10 Lbs. Overweight Eating Only Health Food

Sex Scenes, Nude Scenes, and Publicly Sharing Your Body

15 Things I’ve Learned from My Mother

What’s in My Bag

Who Moved My Uterus?

Section III Friendship

Girl Crush: That Time I Was Almost a Lesbian, Then Vomited

The Best Part

13 Things I’ve Learned Are Not Okay to Say to Friends

Grace

10 Reasons I <3 NY

Section IV Work

This Is Supposed to Be Fun? Making the Most of Your Education

Little Leather Gloves: The Joy of Wasting Time

17 Things I Learned from My Father

Emails I Would Send If I Were One Ounce Crazier/Angrier/Braver

I Didn’t Fuck Them, but They Yelled at Me

Section V Big Picture

Therapy & Me

Is This Even Real? Thoughts on Death & Dying

My Top 10 Health Concerns

Hello Mother, Hello Father: Greetings from Fernwood Cove Camp for Girls

My Regrets

Guide to Running Away

15 Lessons You’ve Learned from Being Recognized Regularly on the Street

True Punk

Acknowledgments

About the Author

About the Publisher

I AM TWENTY years old and I hate myself. My hair, my face, the curve of my stomach. The way my voice comes out wavering and my poems come out maudlin. The way my parents talk to me in a slightly higher register than they talk to my sister, as if I’m a government worker that’s snapped and, if pushed hard enough, might blow up the hostages I’ve got tied up in my basement.