Greg Behrendt - He’s Just Not That Into You - The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

This book is dedicated to all the lovely ladies out there whose stories inspired us to write this book. May we never need to write another one.

The stories you will read in this book are illustrative examples, not based on specific events or people. No matter what anyone might think, they are not transparent attempts to publicly mock our friends, enemies, or exes.

(However, we’re not going to say the thought didn’t cross our minds.)

—Greg and Liz

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Note to the reader

Foreword

Introduction by Liz

Introduction by Greg

You Are All Dating the Same Guy

1 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Asking You Out

2 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Calling You

3 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Dating You

4 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Having Sex With You

5 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Having Sex With Someone Else

6 He’s Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants to See You When He’s Drunk

7 He’s Just Not That Into You If He Doesn’s Want to Marry You

8 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Breaking Up With You

9 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Disappeared On You

10 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Married (And Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)

11 He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak

12 Don’t Listen to These Stories

13 Now What Do You Do?

14 Q&A With Greg

15 Closing Remarks From Greg

16 Closing Remarks From Liz

17 Life After He’s Just Not That Into You

18 Frequently Asked Questions

What next?

Acknowledgments

About the Authors

Praise for He’s Just Not That Into You

Copyright

About the Publisher

The publishers of He’s Just Not That Into You asked us if we wanted to write another chapter or add anything to the book for future editions. My response was, “Are you kidding me? It’s perfect.” But then I reconsidered my position. Do I have more to say on the subject? Not really. I feel we pretty much covered it. But the point of view I hadn’t considered was what it’s like to be a woman living in the post– He’s Just Not That Into You world.

Hmmm…I pondered who could possibly have thoughts on this subject. I couldn’t think of anyone, so I took a nap. Then Liz called. Surprisingly, as a single woman living in New York City, she felt she had some information she wanted to share. Thus was born the first of the two bonus chapters at the end of this edition.

Also, since the publication of He’s Just Not That Into You I’ve been asked a million questions. Everything from “Did you think the book would be such a success?” to “Who the fuck do you think you are?” (The latter from a fairly upset marine who maybe wasn’t as into his lady as he should have been. Sorry, man.)

As to the first question, the answer is a resounding no! It’s not that I didn’t think it was a good idea; it’s that I didn’t have any idea there would be such a need. My goal was just to write a book so that I could tell my friends, “Hey, I wrote that pink-and-green relationship book at Urban Outfitters.” Just kidding! You have to understand that both Liz and my wife, Amiira, had to convince me that such a book should be written. It’s not like I woke up one day and said, “I need to wake women up to what’s going on in their relationships, and then I’m going to the gym.” I really had no idea that women were spending so much time obsessing over men. And I don’t mean that in a negative way—I just didn’t know. And I was sort of dumbstruck that a book like this hadn’t been written before. That’s why Amiira and Liz were so emphatic that I do it, because they knew a book like this did not exist.

But after our appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show , Liz and I suddenly became “relationship experts,” which is hilarious to me, because if you ever dated me you would not believe me to be an expert on anything. We were asked to comment on all things dating, from celebrity dating to the mating rituals of dogs (they are quite similar, actually). Needless to say, I was overwhelmed by the response to the book. My website crashed three times due to the amount of traffic—mostly by women with questions they didn’t feel were addressed in the book, though I tended to disagree. (Maybe we didn’t use his name, but he’s in there!) Sometimes I would write back things like “Hey, you’ve just written a ten-page e-mail about your relationship to a comedian. How do you think it’s going?” But then I would give my assessment. I also got quite a few e-mails from men, and not just the “If I ever see you in a dark alley, you are going down like a sack of lead potatoes” kind, but the “I like this girl but she never returns my calls” kind.

There were some questions that kept coming up over and over again —some from people who had loved the book, and some from people who were really not members of the Liz and Greg fan club. The truth is, I loved the questions. We loved it. One person asked if it bothers me that people now come up to me in public and ask me questions about their relationships. And the answer is “Never!” Not even the time I stood shirtless in the dressing room of a fancy department store and explained to the pretty salesgirl that if he doesn’t want to marry her because she doesn’t speak German, then he’s just not…well, you know the rest.

I hope this book will answer some questions for you, and I hope your current and future relationships will be the better because of it. That’s why we wrote it—because we’re totally into you.

—Greg

It started out just like any other day. We were allworking in the writers’ room of Sex and the City, talking, pitching ideas, our personal love lives weaving in and out of the fictional lives we were creating in the room. And just like on any other day, one of the women on staff asked for feedback on the behavior of a man whom she liked. He was giving her mixed messages—she was confused. We were happy to pitch in and pick apart all the signs and signals of his actions. And just like on any other day, after much analysis and debate, we concluded that she was fabulous, he must be scared, he’s never met a woman as great as her, he is intimidated, and she should just give him time. But on this day, we had a male consultant in the room—someone who comes in a couple of times a week to give feedback on story lines and gives a great straight-male perspective: Greg Behrendt. On this day, Greg listened intently to the story and our reactions, and then said to the woman in question, “Listen, it sounds like He’s Just Not That Into You.”

We were shocked, appalled, amused, horrified, and above all, intrigued. We sensed immediately that this man might be speaking the truth. A truth that we, in our combined hundred years of dating experience, had never considered, and definitely never considered saying out loud. “Okay, he might have a point,” we reluctantly agreed. “But Greg couldn’t possibly understand my very busy and complicated possible future husband.” Soon we went around the room, Greg, the all-knowing Buddha, listening to story after mixed-message story. We had excuses for all these men, from broken dialing fingers to difficult childhoods. In the end, one by one, they were shot down by Greg’s powerful silver bullet. Greg made us see, after an enormous amount of effort, that if a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain’t nothing that’s going to get in his way. And if he’s not sane, why would you want him? He could back it up too: He had years of playing the field, being the bad boy, being the good boy, and then finally falling in love and marrying a really fantastic woman.