Emma Heatherington - Crazy For You

“Is there anything I can do?” asked Daisy, ditching the empty champagne flutes into the sink and pouring two goldfish bowl-sized glasses of wine instead. She hated that silly question used so often in such horrible circumstances. What would be the perfect answer? Find a cure for cancer?

“Actually, yes. There is something you can do,” said Eddie, taking another gulp of wine. “You see, Daisy, that’s why I’m here.”

“It is? Oh, great.” She’d walk over hot coals right now if it meant easing Eddie’s pain.

“But you haven’t heard what it is yet.”

Daisy slung an arm around Eddie and rested her head on his broad shoulder.

“I said I’ll do anything . Even help Jon, if need be, and you know how much I can’t stand your big brother. No offense.”

Eddie threw up his eyes in disbelief. “Yeah, yeah. Well, you know the way I’ve never actually got around to telling Mum of my, er, of my…you know.”

“That you’re gay? You still haven’t told your mum you’re gay? Oh, come on, Eddie! I thought you told her ages ago…”

Daisy bounced away from his side and Eddie stared back, his faced stern with determination.

“No. I haven’t told her and I won’t tell her. Ever. She has enough on her plate.”

Daisy felt an urge to shake him but felt sorry for him at the same time.

“Christ, Eddie. I don’t bloody well believe this. It’s who you are. You can’t deny it forever and let’s face it, you’re as camp as a row of tents and all that. I mean, it’s so bloody obvious.” Daisy heard her voice raise a notch in disbelief. “She’s bound to know. You should be honest with her. Tell her the truth. We’re almost twenty-seven and not getting any younger, unfortunately.”

Eddie pursed his lips and looked again out of the window.

“OK, so that’s not going to happen,” continued Daisy in an uncharacteristic flap. “Tell me then. Where do I come into the equation? Do you want me to tell her the truth? I thought I’d quit being your minder years ago. Oh, hello Isobel. Long time no see. I just called to say that your youngest son has decided to come out of a very cobwebbed closet .”

Eddie looked directly into Daisy’s eyes. “Don’t be like that. I just want you to come home with me for a few days, that’s all, and … ”

“Oh.” Daisy retracted and sat down. She felt guilty now. “I’m so sorry. Is that it ? Of course I’ll come home with you. It’s about time I bit the bullet and spent a few days in Killshannon and if it helps you get through all of this…”

Eddie looked stunned and it dawned on Daisy that she was missing a vital component of his plans.

“There was an ‘ and’ in there, wasn’t there?”

He nodded slowly.

“So what else would I have to do?” She sat up straight in her chair, poised and ready to take the challenge.

“Well, it’s just… You see, I told Mum…” Eddie looked away again.

“Go on…”

“Well, I sort of told Mum I had a girlfriend .”

“You what?”

Eddie knew he had only one chance at selling this fantastic, but crazy idea to Daisy so he just spat the rest of it out.

“…and she was delighted. Over the moon. In fact, it made her day. It made the rest of her life, to be honest. Daisy, I told her that you… are my girlfriend.”

Daisy’s mouth fell open. She couldn’t speak. She should be in Spain now, but instead she was here in Belfast listening to the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She should be on the beach drinking sangria with Lorna and eyeing up gorgeous lifeguards and meeting ugly sea creatures face to face under water. Not putting on a façade for her gay friend and his poor dying mother.

“And…,” said Eddie, quickening the pace of his speech into a wild gallop. “I sort of told her, that we were… that I was going to ask you to marry me.”

Daisy sunk into the sofa and stared dizzily at the blond bombshell in front of her, whose eyes were shut tightly in preparation for her response.

“Oh, this is crazy . Get me another glass of wine, you absolute shit,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Anything you say, Daisy. I swear. If you do this for me I’ll be your slave forever.”

Eddie fumbled around the tiny kitchen until he found the fridge and then glugged some more wine into Daisy’s glass.

“You see,” he continued as Daisy stared at the floor. “Mum really wants me and Jonathan to each settle down with a wife and children and it would make her so happy if she thought I was at least going in the right direction.”

Daisy tried her best to let Eddie’s crazy notion sink in. She’d imagined being asked to accompany himself and his mother on a luxurious weekend at a health spa, or asked to take her swimming with dolphins, or go skydiving just so he could try it out himself, but this? This was downright mental. Could they really pull it off?

Her own mum would be admitted to a nearby clinic with shock. And Lorna would think she’d finally lost her marbles, with no hope of ever retrieving them. As for Jonathan? Well, his reaction could go any which way but it wouldn’t be pretty. It would look like she was deliberately driving that final nail into the coffin of their dead and buried relationship.

Eddie paced the apartment’s shiny floor in anticipation of Daisy’s response. She sat there in silence, her face twitching in thought, so obviously weighing up the pros, if there were any, and cons of the situation. Anything was better than an outright no, he supposed.

“Well?” he asked eventually. “It’s quite simple really, isn’t it? You are a trained actress after all.’

“Simple? Is it now, Einstein? For your information I gave up acting two months ago in order to enter the real world and sell shoes so I can pay my bills. It’s about time you stood on planet Earth yourself.”

Eddie wasn’t listening. “So, so simple,” he said. “And from what I can see, you’re all packed and ready to go. Say something, Daisy. Say yes.”

Daisy smirked back at him and her suitcase caught her eye from the hallway. It was smirking too. She stuck out her tongue at it.

Minus the bikinis and plus a few woolly jumpers, she was just about ready to go. Somehow, she didn’t think she’d have any need for skimpy swimwear in the back end of Donegal.

“I must be crazy. I must be stark-raving mental to even contemplate this…”

“You beauty! I knew you would. I just knew it…”

“Just for one week, though. After that, we’re finished. Split up. Over forever. Deal?” she said in a muffled voice as Eddie hugged her with delight on the sofa.

“Deal!” said Eddie. “I’ll make it up to you. I’ll take you on a super-duper holiday, all expenses paid…”

“Now you’re talking.”

“And shopping! I’ll take you shopping till you drop.”

“I hate shopping.”

“That’s right. No shopping then. Eating then. Lots of eating out, every single night for as long as you want.”

The grin on Eddie’s face would have made anyone smile.

But Daisy didn’t smile. She burst into hysterical laughter at the thought of the sheer madness she was about to allow into her life. Going home to village life in Donegal as the girlfriend of a man that everyone, apart from his mother, knew was gay. Facing sniggers from nosy neighbours and country cousins who had never ventured out of their comfortable village boundaries. Had she totally lost the plot?

Sod it. It would be fun, if nothing else. It wasn’t as if she lived there anymore, and her mother would understand. She would have to tell her the truth from the outset, of course.