Josephine Cox - Lovers and Liars

‘All right, my beauty.’ He loved her too much to go against her wishes. ‘But I think you already know that it would make me the happiest man on God’s earth if you’d agree to be my wife. You could have whichever home you wanted … I’m not short of a bob or two.’ His gaze shifted to the child. ‘I could give this darling lass a name and a father … if only you’d let me?’

When instead of answering she cast her gaze down, he felt mortified. Taking her by the hand he apologised. ‘Aw look, I’m sorry … opening my big mouth yet again. I know I should keep my feelings to myself, but it’s so hard sometimes.’

Emily looked up. ‘I understand,’ she conceded. ‘But you know how it is. I’m John’s woman. I can’t change that, nor would I want to.’ Hard words but they needed saying.

He gave a sad little nod. Then his smile warmed her heart. ‘Forgive me, eh? Don’t have me shot if now and again I take the liberty of reminding you that I’m always here, if you ever need me.’

‘I know, Danny, and I’m very lucky to have a friend like you. You’re a lovely man, but instead of wasting your time on me, you should be looking for someone who is free to give you all the love you deserve.’

Danny’s gaze softened. ‘Don’t you understand?’ he murmured, taking a step forward. ‘As long as I live, I can never look in any other direction. The truth is, my beauty, if I can’t have you, then I want no one.’

Emily was cut to the core. ‘No, Danny! Please don’t talk like that. You were made for family life – for children and such. I don’t want to be the one who deprives you of that.’

For a long moment he looked at her, at that pretty face and those quiet brown eyes now scarred with sadness, and he couldn’t bear it. ‘Whatever decision I make, it’ll be my decision and no one else’s. You remember that, and remember this too. Other than you, there is no woman on God’s earth I want, nor ever will.’

Choking with emotion, Emily reached up and with the greatest tenderness stroked his face. ‘I’d give anything to love you as you deserve,’ she said, ‘but I’ve already given my heart away. I’m so sorry, Danny. Really I am.’

‘Ah, it’s me that should be sorry!’ Grabbing her hand he pressed it to his heart. ‘Do you forgive me?’

She didn’t hesitate. ‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ she said.

With a quick smile and cheeky wink, he confessed, ‘I can’t say I don’t wish you would change your mind, but I promise I’ll try and keep my feelings to myself from now on.’ Making the sign of the cross over his heart, he looked a sorry sinner. ‘Cross my heart, and may all the milk turn sour if I’m lying!’

At the sight of his eyes rolling heavenward and that naughty, twinkling smile, Emily burst out laughing. ‘You’re a devil, Danny Williams, so you are!’

‘Well now, will ye look at that!’ Hugging the child into his chest, he swung her round. ‘We made your mammy laugh. Isn’t that something, eh?’ Plonking a quick kiss on Cathleen’s forehead, he handed her back to Emily. ‘I’d best get on, or I’ll have my father breathing down my neck when I get home!’

With one easy movement, he swung himself onto the cart. The great churns were stacked behind him. From the foot of the cart Emily watched him stow the nosebag and pick up the reins. It was a privilege to have him about, she thought, and these days, with no word from John, she desperately needed someone to talk to. Danny was a kind-hearted, honest sort of a bloke, and she respected him enormously. Up to now though, that was as far as her feelings went.

Danny, though, had fallen for her straight away, ever since he’d returned to the village. Twice he had asked her to wed him, and twice she’d refused. All along she had been honest with him. She didn’t love him, she explained, and never could, not in the way she loved John.

But little Cathleen loved him, and sometimes, in the dark of night when sleep eluded her, Emily would look at her darling child and the doubts would creep in yet again. Should she put the child first and give her a proper daddy who would love and care for her? Should she give up on John, who now seemed to have given up on her? Was she being unfair to her mammy by denying Danny the chance to be a son-in-law to her, and a father to Cathleen? Right from the start, Aggie had taken to Danny. And it was painfully obvious that little Cathleen adored that good man. What’s more, her daughter would probably love to have a younger brother or sister.

Sometimes, Emily believed she was being selfish in putting her own feelings before those of her loved ones. And yet, how could she give herself in marriage to someone she didn’t love in that way? So many questions. So many doubts, haunting her through the long, sleepless nights.

But then, when morning came the questions faded beneath her steadfast love for John.

She couldn’t deny she had grown fond of Danny, and it pained her to keep rejecting him, but what choice had she? In her deepest heart she had always believed John would come back. She believed it now, and would go on believing it, until all hope was gone.

Right now, there were three men in her life: her old grandfather, who had bad days and good days, but was always a kind and loving man; then there was Clem Jackson, whose presence was like a dark blanket over the sun. If only he’d go! No one wanted him here at Potts End.

And then there was Danny! A gem of a man, wasted in his affection for her, but nothing she could say would make him see that.

‘Some of this milk came from old Daisy at Glebe House Farm,’ he was telling the wide-eyed Cathleen. ‘Up at four every morning she is, waiting first in line, bellowing her head off, to have her bursting udders emptied into this here churn.’ Wiping the tip of his finger round the rim of the churn he sucked on it and rolled his eyes. ‘A gift from the heavens, that’s what it is!’ he sighed.

Winking at Emily, he leaned towards the child, his voice a magical whisper. ‘It’s what all the stars in the sky are made of. That’s what makes ’em twinkle so bright.’

His eyes grew wider with amazement. ‘Do you know, I wouldn’t be surprised if all the little children in the world were made with Daisy’s milk. That’s why their pretty little eyes twinkle and shine. Daisy mixed the magic into her milk and when the Good Lord made the children, He gave them each a little sip.’

Lowering his voice he shifted his gaze to Emily. ‘He must have given some to your mammy too, because whenever I’m near her, all sorts o’ wonderful magic begins to happen.’

For the briefest of minutes, there was an awkward pause between them. Emily didn’t know quite what to do or say, and Danny longed to take her in his arms and kiss her until she came to love him the way he loved her.

But then he realised he had almost spoiled the moment, so returning his attention to the child, he pointed to the little pools of spilt milk on the floor of the cart. ‘Will ye look at that! You know what that means, don’t you, eh? Well, I’ll tell ye. It means the cat will have it, and give it to the kittens, and that’s why the kittens are able to see in the dark. I bet you didn’t know that, eh? I bet you didn’t know it was Daisy’s magic milk that made all the cats see in the dark?’

Emily laughed. ‘Give over, Danny Williams! What should we do with you, eh?’

As his gaze fell on her upturned face, he was about to say, ‘Marry me, that’s what you should do with me.’ Instead, he laughed with her. ‘It’s true!’ he protested. ‘Daisy herself told me – and she’s never lied to me before.’

Now, as he poured a small measure of milk into the palm of his hand and gave it to a stray cat who had grown wise to his daily treat, the tiniest of smiles lifted the corners of Emily’s mouth. There was no denying he brought a measure of sunshine and joy into their lives, she thought. With that mop of wavy dark hair and those laughing grey eyes he had such charm and sincerity, and a way that instantly endeared him to both animals and children alike.