Em Muslin - Before You Were Mine - the breathtaking USA Today Bestseller

Pausing for breath, I finally managed to swallow. Glancing back over my shoulder, I looked up to the sky and saw the garage’s rusty sign shadowing the piercing sun. Taking a deep breath, I watched and waited until it popped back out from behind the sign, and I continued back on home.

CHAPTER 5

Tommy lay in the bath, his pinky-white tummy protruding out of the soapy water. His breath was shallow. His hands trembled. How could this be? He didn’t think for a second it could be her, but Eli believed it. How in hell’s name had she got that idea into her head? Why now, after all this time?

No, he’d seen her like this before. Years ago. But it just seemed so ridiculous. What had she said? She ‘looked’ like her? Why would she even think that? She didn’t know what the hell she looked like. But, what if it had been her? God no, now he was being a fool.

Tommy sat up. The water splashed over the top. Small foamy puddles collected on the wooden floor. He took a slurp of beer. He really didn’t want Eli getting herself wound up again. And not tonight. It was bad enough having to have her family over for supper, never mind with this on her mind.

Tommy could have done without them here. Didn’t he spend enough time with them at the garage? He shook his head at the thought of Eli’s Ma. Oh, he coped with her all right. He’d put up with her for the past God knows how many years, but he hated the way she always found a way of putting Eli down. Wasn’t she tired of it? He wasn’t even sure she knew she was doing it half the time. And why Eli put up with it, he couldn’t understand. After everything, even now, she tried to please her Ma.

Tommy respected Pa Bell. A man of few words, like himself. He’d given him a break at the garage all those years back, but still, a dinner with Trudy lauding something or other over Eli made him shake his head.

He heard Eli mooching around downstairs. The smell of fried chicken wafted through the crack under the door. Did she realize how absurd she was being? He hated what had happened to her. Hated it. And he hated himself for it even more.

Tommy leaned back down in the tub and splashed warm water over his face. The thought made him sick even now. It was never going away. No matter how many years passed, how much they tried, there was no denying she was out there. Somewhere. But to think Eli had bumped into her, just like that. It was crazy talk.

Tommy knew Eli hadn’t forgotten her. Of course she hadn’t forgotten her. He hadn’t forgotten her. But they had managed to work their way through these years, without even mentioning her. What use was it? She was gone.

But gone where?

How could Eli not go through life, glancing at faces, wondering if that was her? He’d seen the way she was around children when they were younger. Hell, hadn’t he done the same? Not so much looking for her, but the thought of what could have been. Jesus, even now, it hurt. Tommy whacked his hand down into the water. They should have had kids. A whole bunch of them. But no, life seemed fit to punish them, and for what? Eli would have made an incredible Ma. Look at the way she treated him, treated his own Ma when she was alive.

Tommy thought about all the years gone by. How out of the blue, he’d seen Eli go rigid, the colour draining from her face when she saw some news item or other and leaned towards the television, staring at some random young woman. She hadn’t noticed he’d noticed, too tied up with thoughts jangling around her head, wondering if it was her. But he had, and he’d seen how anxious she would get for weeks after, how distracted she would be until finally, she’d be back to normal again.

They never talked about it. Hell, he wouldn’t even know what to say. He’d come home sometimes and see her eyes were red, but even when he mooted something was up, she’d snap at him and tell him it was just the dust. So he just put it down to ‘women’s things’ and nothing more would be said.

Yes, it’d be just one of those times. It’d be forgotten about, just like the others.

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