Norma Farnes - Spike - An Intimate Memoir

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The complete memoirs of a man of many talents and faces – the late, great Spike Milligan – affectionately recounted by his close friend and agent for 35 years, Norma Farnes.'What's he really like?' Wherever I went and was introduced as Spike Milligan's manager I waited for the inevitable question. In not far short of thirty-six years it never altered. It wasn't one that could be answered in a few words so I generally made do with 'Interesting' or 'don't ask'…After chancing on an advertisement for a secretarial position, Norma Farnes found herself initiated into the world of Number Nine Orme Court where Spike and some of post-war's other greatest comedy writers like Eric Sykes, Johnny Speight, Ray Galton and Alan Simpson had formed a writers' cooperative. Soon promoted to be his manager, Norma was working for a man with a reputation for being brilliant and difficult in equal measure.In this affectionate yet true account, Norma Farnes looks at the whole of Spike's life from his childhood and extraordinary family in India, his ongoing battle with his restless mind, his numerous affairs and his heartening struggles with many varied causes. She gives a mass of wonderful anecdotes and revealing insights into Spike and his circle, including, of course, his often fraught but deep friendship with Peter Sellers.In Spike, Norma Farnes has written a moving portrait of her greatest friend. Above all, Spike's fascinating, very human character is brought to life on every page.Note that it has not been possible to include the same picture content that appeared in the original print version.

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‘No trouble,’ she said. ‘Felicity Green – she’s Woman’s page editor on the Daily Mirror – wants someone for a week.’

I was familiar with newspaper work, loved the job, worked hard and Felicity gave a glowing report. Mrs Long was delighted. ‘You’ll be a wonderful advertisement for the agency,’ she said. I did not give a damn as long as I got the plum jobs.

My second assignment was with Granada Television in Golden Square, another familiar medium; the third with a peer in sumptuous offices in Half Moon Street, which was easy-peasy, just answering the phone, typing a few letters, plus walks in Green Park. Within weeks I was earning more than I had dreamed possible, and happy to work evenings and weekends.

Two weeks after I arrived in London, when we were relaxing in the flat on a Saturday morning, the front bell rang. It was my father. Mum had sent him to make certain I had not been debauched by the big city, that I was not living in a hovel or suspect neighbourhood, that my flat-mates would have met with her approval and that my employers were not gangsters or whiteslave traders. His anxious face soon relaxed into a smile. Then I noticed a large carrier bag. Food for the needy: lamb chops, pork chops complete with succulent kidneys, fillet steaks, sirloin steaks and pork sausages, just to make sure I did not die from malnutrition. These visits went on for five months until I told him it would have to stop. Instead I agreed to travel home once a month, which I did for many years. He was always there, waiting for me on the platform at Thornaby station.

After a year or so I started wondering whether I should get a ‘proper job’, that is, a permanent one. I still wanted to become a television producer so was happy when Mrs Long found me a job as assistant to the information officer at the Independent Television Companies’ Association (ITCA), Television House, not far from Covent Garden. But as I found out the ITCA’s rôle was mostly administrative, serving as the industry’s watchdog.

My boss liked to use his wartime title of major. On my first day he went to lunch at 12.30 p.m. precisely. At five o’clock he telephoned. ‘Are you coping, my dear? Good. I knew you would be. No point in coming back to the office now.’ A cough. ‘I’m afraid I fell among thieves.’ As he did most days. Although he was almost a caricature of the retired Army officer he was very kind and I liked him. However, after a couple of years covering up for him he was abruptly fired and I took over his responsibilities.

Every month since I started there had been obituary meetings to update the planned coverage for the funeral of Sir Winston Churchill, and like him they went on for ever. Three days after we had said goodbye to the major Sir Winston died and I was thrown in at the deep end, having to liaise with each television station to let them know what their rôle would be. Up to that time the longest outside broadcast had been two hours but this would last five. We all worked night and day but it was worth it when newspapers acclaimed our coverage, which they reckoned was superior to the BBC’s.

I saw the cortège as it passed our offices and remember wondering how such a small coffin could contain this giant of a man. All those who worked on the funeral were given a specially printed brochure, The Valiant Man, which is still one of my treasured possessions.

Then I was offered the major’s post. All very well, I said, but what was in it for me? I could have a secretary and my name on the door. How about increasing my salary? Two pounds a week was the offer, far less than they had paid the major. It was decision time. I could not even consult Kenneth because he had been lost in the various moves. But I did not need to. This had been a man’s job and I wanted a man’s rate of pay for it. Oh dear no! That would never do. Equal pay simply was not on as far as they were concerned. But it was for me. So after two years it was time for a change. The ITCA was too much like the Civil Service for my liking. I would seek temporary work until I could find a job in television production. Something to tide me over for a few months would be ideal.

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