Louise Rennison - ‘… and that’s when it fell off in my hand.’

Phone rang. It was Ellen.

“I heard you saw Dave on the way home and he’s definitely coming on Saturday because he said he was and that means he is. Do you think?”

I said, “Put it this way, there will be snacks and Sven possibly in a Viking outfit, of course Dave the Laugh will be there.”

And then Ellen started doing this thing. I thought she was having a fit at first. She was snorting and going “Hnnurknurkhhhhnuuuuuurkkk.” “Ellen, what are you doing?” “I’m practising my infectious laugh.” Good grief.

I am so depressed and bored I may even have to do some homework.

I wonder if Mutti has got anything new I could wear to the party.

Ho hum.

I have squirted my lurker with her Opium. I think it might be retreating to where it came from. Although with my luck it will probably re-emerge on the end of my nose, giving me that two-nosed look that is so popular amongst the very very ugly.

I haven’t even got the heart to write to the Sex God, otherwise known as Marsupial Man. He’ll probably be lying in a river somewhere anyway.

My new address is:

Georgia Nicolson

Crap House

Crapton-on-sea

Crapshire

Crapland

What is this book that Mutti has hidden in her knicker drawer?

How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You.

This is amazing.

Phoned Rosie.

“Rosie.”

“Quoi?”

“Do you know how to make anyone fall in love with you?”

“Well, in Sven’s case I reel him in with snacks and snogging.”

I’ve seen the two of them snogging and eating snacks at the same time, so I didn’t really want to talk about it much.

I went on, “My mutti’s got a secret book and it tells you how to make anyone fall in love with you, even normal boys, boys who are not Svens.”

Odds bodkin, what is the matter with grown-ups? They are all mad as hens (madder). Usually when you do plays you just read them out in order and so on. Not at this hellhole. Miss Wilson decided we had to “get into” our parts by improvising. How crap is that? Very, very very and thrice very crap.

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