Jeanne Willis - Penguin Pandemonium - Christmas Crackers

“If it hadn’t been for our umbrella, Rory would have missed lunch as well as breakfast,” growled Orson.

“I hope the spokes aren’t damaged,” added Ursie. “We need it for our dance routine. We’ve come up with a new one for Christmas and it goes like this: a-one, two, three, four …”

He grabbed Orson by the paw, did a ridiculously high kick – and fell over on the ice, pulling the other bear on top of him.

“Honestly, you two. Get married!” cackled a familiar voice.

It was Muriel with the two faithful members of her girly gang, Hatty and Brenda. The bears leapt up and brushed themselves off.

Waldo put his flippers on his hips and looked Muriel up and down. “You shouldn’t tease them,” he said. “It’s the season of goodwill. If the bears want to hug each other, that’s lovely.”

“We were not hugging!” insisted Orson, waving his paws in the air. “We were just dancing and we slipped.”

“Yeah, right. I know a hug when I see one,” chortled Muriel, tapping her beak. “And I know another secret, don’t I, Hatty and Brenda? Go on, tell Rory and Bloop!”

Hatty and Brenda shuffled nervously. They weren’t sure of the answer and, if they got it wrong, there was a good chance that Muriel would shout at them.

She tapped her webbed toes impatiently and glared at them. “Hatty and Brenda, tell Bloop and Rory our secret!”

“That you’re in love with Warren?” blurted Hatty.

“And you think he’s cuddly?” added Brenda.

Muriel blushed and put her head under her flipper.

“No, I’m not! No, I don’t!” she fibbed as Warren sidled off and hid behind a bush. “I meant the other secret … about Santa’s Grotty.”

Blue looked at her sideways. “What’s … a grotty?”

“She means Santa’s Grotto ,” said Brenda, waving a leaflet about Christmas at City Zoo that had blown into the penguin pool. “Someone has built a funny shed thing near our enclosure – there’s a photo of it here, see?”

She tapped the leaflet and Rory peered at it quizzically. “When did this happen?”

“The builders were banging about all morning,” interrupted Ursie. “You wouldn’t have heard it because you were snowbound in your hutch, but we can see it all from here.”

“If you don’t believe us, have a peek through your viewing grille,” said Orson.

All the penguins waddled over, pressed their beaks to the little opening in the wall of their enclosure and gazed in amazement at the wooden chalet covered in fairy lights.

“So sparkly!” sighed Hatty.

“So twinkly!” twittered Brenda.

“So what’s it for?” asked Blue.

“Ask Miss Brainstorm,” said Muriel, clapping her flippers to get Brenda’s attention. “Brenda, you like showing off your reading skills. Tell Bloop what it says about Santa’s Grotty in that leaflet.”

“It’s Grotto ,” said Hatty.

“Like you can spell,” snorted Muriel.

Brenda cleared her beak and used the tip of it to follow the words. “It says that someone called Santa is coming here.”

“Who’s Santa?” asked Blue. “Do you know, Rory?”

Before Rory could answer, Ursie’s paw shot up. “Ooh … I know, I know! He’s a chubby bloke with a long white beard. When we were cubs, we spent Christmas at the zookeeper’s house and we saw him, didn’t we, Orson?”

Orson put his chin in his paws and thought back. “Ah yes, happy days,” he sighed. “The smell of the turkey … the Christmas tree … the kids hanging up their stockings on Christmas Eve. If they were good, Santa brought them presents—Lordy, here he comes now! He’s in the penguin enclosure!”

Muriel whisked round and saw a portly figure trudging towards them through the snow. “ Santa! ” she squealed. “I’ve been a good penguin. Give me a present!”

But it wasn’t Santa, it was Big Paulie. “Do I look like a fat guy with facial hair?” he grunted.

It was an easy mistake to make in the dim winter light. Paulie was the biggest penguin in the pool and he was carrying the chicks, so, from a distance, their fluffy feathers looked like a white beard.

Blue gave a small sigh. “Oh. I really hoped it was You Know Who , didn’t you, Rory?” she whispered.

Rory nodded. “Yeah. Oh well, maybe Santa will come next year.”

Big Paulie shook his beak and frowned. “Don’t get your hopes up, my little friend. Santa never visits the likes of us.”

Muriel pulled a face and stamped her foot in the snow. “ Why not? I want a Christmas present!” she sulked.

Big Paulie held out his flippers and did his best to explain. “Muriel, the giving of gifts is a human tradition. Every Christmas, Santa comes all the way from the North Pole to visit City Zoo to give out presents, but they’re just for the children, not the animals.”

“That is tho mean , Unky Pooey!” squealed Oo-Chi, tweaking her uncle’s head feathers.

“Unky Pooey, why doethn’t Thanta like penguinth?” wailed Ku-Chi. “Why-why-why?”

Big Paulie counted patiently to ten and put the chicks down. “I don’t make the Christmas rules— Ouch! ”

“Ha ha! Got you in the botty with a thnowball!” shrieked Oo-Chi.

Trying to keep his dignity, Paulie shook one leg, then the other, to shake the ice off his tail, and almost slipped. Rory grabbed him by the flippers to steady him.

“I’m fine,” insisted Paulie. “Just practising the snow dance Orson taught me.”

“I recognised it straight away,” said Rory, trying not to laugh. “Paulie, can I ask you something?”

The emperor penguin regained his balance. “As long as it’s not personal. I’m a very private penguin. Whaddya want to know?”

“It’s about Santa,” said Rory.

Paulie let out a long groan. “Santa again already?”

Paulie clearly wasn’t in the best of moods and Rory was just beginning to think that maybe he should stop asking questions, when Blue butted in.

“We just want to know why we’ve never seen Santa’s Grotto before if he comes here every year,” she blurted. “Don’t we, Rory?”

Paulie waved a dismissive flipper. “It’s usually over by the reindeer paddock,” he said, whisking round as one of the chicks crept up behind him. “No! Don’t do you dare throw that snowball at me, Ku-Chi— Ow! That’s it! I’m taking you back to your mother!”

He grabbed the chicks and turned to go, when Muriel kicked off again.

“It’s not fair! We want presents, don’t we, Hatty and Brenda?”

“We want bobble hats!” said Brenda.

“We want hamsters!” said Hatty.

Even Rory got caught up in the excitement. He only wanted a small gift, but to a penguin who lived to do stunts, it would be a dream come true.

“And I’d really like a set of sparkly wheels for my skateboard!” he whooped.

Paulie looked over his shoulder and fixed him with his beady eyes. “We’re penguins,” he said as he waddled away, “and penguins do not celebrate Christmas.”

“We’ll see about that!” muttered Muriel.

espite the fact that penguins weren’t supposed to celebrate Christmas, they were very excited when Santa arrived at City Zoo in his sleigh. He had a sack full of presents in the back and the brown bears were certain he might have brought a little something for them.