Catherine Miller - Waiting For You

‘TV? I’m not going to do something like that to go and make a spectacle of ourselves. And I’m not worried. We just need to give it another six months. If nothing has happened in that time, we’ll go to the doctor then.’ Ben swigged on his glass of red wine and the steely expression in his eyes told her not to pursue the subject any further.

Fliss had guessed he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with the show given his reluctance with everything relating to their fertility. Ange’s conclusion on the matter was that Ben must think there was something wrong on his side and didn’t want to admit his virility was affected. Looking at him now, though, he didn’t look like a man worried about his sperm count. His gaze softened and he offered his best come-to-bed smile. It had to be said, his looks had only improved over the years. His dark-brown hair might be spattered with grey, but that only enhanced his olive complexion and deep-brown eyes. The man she’d fallen in love with was still there; she just didn’t see him as often these days.

‘We can work on it a bit harder once this project is over. I’ll take some time off. Then we’ll see where we’re at. If nothing has happened, we’ll look into what can be done. Just promise me one thing – that you’ll relax and stop reading things on the internet that are making you worry.’

Fliss didn’t like to admit it, but maybe he was right. She was becoming obsessed. A bit of time out might be the answer.

‘Come on. There is only one way I know to make babies.’ And with that, Fliss allowed Ben to lead her upstairs.

Chapter Three

Fliss should have been enjoying the freedom, but she was already missing Hollie even though she’d only been away overnight. She was used to being woken up by Hollie’s boundless bundle of energy making her way into her bed like an alarm.

Even without her daughter at home, Fliss woke automatically, her husband a foreign snoring lump in her bed. She really was getting too used to him not being there and the extra space it provided. She left him there and went downstairs, jealous of his ability to sleep in whenever the opportunity arose.

After making tea and toast, Fliss switched on her laptop and logged on to her usual forums despite last night’s dinner-time conversation. It was only so she could private message Ange, so it was totally justifiable; although was it, when she knew she was logging in here because Ben knew her Facebook password? And was it even worse that she was more able to speak to her friend who was hundreds of miles away than her husband who was sleeping upstairs? All she had to do was wake him and say, ‘Don’t you want to reconsider?’

Fliss was at the point she wanted action from Ben. Seeing a doctor and taking part in the programme would be exactly what she needed to see happening. Instead, once again, he’d put their relationship on hold. She was at the annoying phase of the phone call where she was being made to listen to Mozart on repeat and all she really wanted to do was speak to someone who would sort the problem out.

Felbaby:B said no to the show.

Fliss stopped herself adding: And I hate him for it. It was hard to accept the thing that should be bringing them together seemed to be pulling them apart.

Mummyto3boys:Apply anyway!

Fliss raised her eyebrows at Ange’s response. It wasn’t something she’d even considered; after all, they were looking for couples, so was there any point?

Felbaby:They want couples. They won’t take just me.

Fliss didn’t want to be negative, but they would laugh if she applied solo, but then she remembered it was Ben keeping her on hold and surely this was a question about her own health. If there was a problem that might have occurred as a result of having Hollie, didn’t she want to know about it?

Mummyto3boys:Try all the same. You have nothing to lose.

The combination of Ange’s gentle encouragement and her own festering annoyance at Ben made Fliss decide to throw caution to the wind and, for once, be a little bit selfish. With courage taking over her fingertips, she tapped out an email with the details Bright Idea Productions had requested and crossed everything in the hope it would find her some answers.

***

It was an hour’s drive to Fliss’s childhood home in the idyllic town of Sandwich. The four-bedroom thatched house was far too big for her mum, but since her dad, Bill, had passed away a few years ago, Joan was adamant she wasn’t downsizing. She wanted room for her family to stay whenever they needed to and she wasn’t ready to say goodbye to their happy home. As she wandered towards the house from the car park, Fliss was secretly glad she was still able to come here. With its narrow streets and limited parking, Sandwich was a town steeped in history, her own childhood amongst these very streets.

As soon as Fliss arrived, she was almost toppled over by Hollie’s enthusiastic welcome. Hollie gave the best hugs when they’d been apart for any length of time. ‘Come and see what I made with Grandma and Suzie.’

Fliss’s younger sister, Suzie, and her husband were visiting from Norwich for the weekend, so Joan was using it as the perfect excuse to get all the family over for lunch, with their elder sister joining them later.

Hollie tugged at Fliss’s arm, wanting her to follow like she used to when she was a toddler.

‘Where’s a hug for your dad?’ Ben said, having finally joined them after fussing about where to park.

Hollie looked ready to dismiss him she was so wrapped up in her mission to share something with her mum. His absence on weekdays was starting to fracture his relationship with his daughter.

For a moment, Fliss thought she might have to prompt Hollie to greet her own father.

‘Hi, Dad.’ Hollie gave him a quick hug before returning to her intended target and regaining her grip on Fliss’s hand.

Fliss gave Ben a brief smile, mostly in apology for their daughter deciding to choose a favourite parent in the same way she might select a best friend.

As Fliss was dragged into the kitchen, she was allowed a brief hand release to give her mum and sister a hug before Hollie caught a hold of her again.

‘Here it is,’ Hollie said, when they arrived at the large oak table. It was the piece of furniture Fliss missed the most. She would have loved a similar one in their own home, but they had no room for such a family-focused centrepiece.

On the table was one of Suzie’s famous chocolate cakes. Having an artisan baker for a sister really did have its perks, although it was pretty clear from the rough piping work that Hollie had obviously had a go. ‘I helped with all of it,’ Hollie said, in case Fliss needed confirmation of the fact.

‘It’s magnificent,’ Fliss said, which it really was if Hollie had only received guidance. She turned to get Ben’s agreement only to find he hadn’t even bothered to follow them in. Fliss ignored her disappointment and turned her attention again to her daughter who talked her through the entire cake-making process. If only Ben could summon the same kind of focus on what his daughter enjoyed, their relationship might not be suffering.

***

Once Caroline arrived with her husband and four children, there was barely room to move in the kitchen, but somehow they all managed to squeeze round the table. Fliss was seated between Hollie and her older sister, Caroline.

‘Everything all right?’ Caroline asked in her usual breezy manner. Despite having four children, she had a constant stress-free air about her. Like nothing would phase her ever. Caroline was who Fliss had been striving to be all her life.