Cressida McLaughlin - Wish You Were Here – Part 4

‘None of that’s true,’ Robin said. She surprised herself at how calm she sounded. Her stomach churned with a mix of anger and sadness at Tim’s fabrications. She didn’t know if this was more of his manipulation, or if he still believed, despite what she’d told him last night, that there was a chance for them. But exaggerating the fallout of her grief at Neve’s death was a low blow.

He hadn’t even been there those first, desperate months after she returned to Campion Bay; he hadn’t seen her at her lowest. When she spoke again, her voice was steady.

‘He tried to kiss me that night, after you had been to the pub with him, but I stopped it. I’m not irrational. My feelings for Tim, when I saw him again after all the years apart –’ she shook her head – ‘I admit that it was confusing to begin with, but nothing happened between us. He’s making it out to be a great deal more than it was.’

Will nodded, his gaze holding hers. It was open, accepting, and she had to resist the urge to wrap him in a grateful hug. ‘But something happened to you in London?’ he asked, almost a whisper. ‘That bit was true?’

Her heart was clattering now. The peaceful tableau in front of them seemed like a dream: the golden sand, the glittering water, Darcy playing in the waves. That night was creeping back in, swapping places with reality. She had to tell him. She had been planning to anyway, but Tim had given her no choice and, now that the moment was here, it felt like an impossible task.

‘My friend, Neve,’ she started.

‘The one who’s into astrology, the flower moon?’

‘You remembered.’

‘Of course I did,’ Will said.

The tenderness in his voice brought her tears closer to the surface. ‘She was my best friend. We met at university and then started up our company together: Once in a Blue Moon Days.’

‘The events business?’

Robin nodded. ‘Special occasions, bespoke experiences. We were good at it, we worked well as a team and lived together in a tiny flat. It was hard work, but so rewarding when we helped people realise their dreams, gave them the best anniversary or birthday they’d ever had. Neve was the driving force; she was bursting with energy, alive with the possibility of it all. A problem was a challenge, a lesson to be learnt from.’ A heavy, familiar weight settled inside her as she felt again the impact of her friend’s loss.

When she paused, Will filled the space, as if he realised it wasn’t easy for her to say. He encouraged her, teasing the story from her like thread unravelling from a piece of fabric.

‘You’re one of the brightest – most sparkling – people I know,’ he said. ‘I can’t imagine that you were lethargic by comparison.’

‘You never met Neve, though,’ she whispered. ‘She would bounce out of bed as if there was a trampoline under the mattress. She had these huge, dark eyes that were always glinting with new ideas. She never ran out of steam or enthusiasm. But then she … something terrible happened.’ Robin swallowed. She glanced at Will, and then away. ‘She died.’

She heard his intake of breath. ‘God. I’m so sorry, Robin.’ He put his hand on her upper arm. The touch of his fingers on her skin was warm, thrilling and comforting all at once. She focused on the feel of it, the bliss of being close to him, to help her get through reliving that night. ‘What happened?’ he asked after a moment.

Robin shuddered involuntarily, and despite Will slipping his arm around her shoulders, increasing the pressure of his touch, she knew this would be one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Her London friends had been there that night, witnessing the horror first-hand, and telling her mum and dad, right after it had happened, was something she could barely remember. They’d done the rest for her; speaking to Molly and anyone else who needed to know, while she tried to pack her emotions away and get on with running the business.

She hadn’t let it sink in until she’d returned to Campion Bay, Once in a Blue Moon Days in tatters, impossible without her best friend. When she’d told Tim back in January, she hadn’t given him the details, had stayed as distant from it as possible. But now she had to revisit that night, to tell Will, without falling apart.

‘It was Neve’s birthday. We’d arranged a meal out with some of our friends at a Thai restaurant. We were working to a deadline for one of our commissions, so I told her to go and meet everyone for drinks, and that I’d follow on later, in time for the meal. I’d got these helium balloons, star-shaped, one that said Happy Birthday in gold and red.’ She swallowed. ‘I finished what I needed to do, and then stayed in the office to pump them up. I was an hour behind her by the time I left. I’d bought her a necklace for her birthday, an archer for Sagittarius, and a spa-day voucher.

‘I took the tube; it was only three stops, but it was quicker than walking. People in the carriage had laughed at the balloons, and I couldn’t wait to see her, to give them to her. I heard the sirens as I got close to the restaurant, but thought nothing of it. Then I turned the corner, and I couldn’t see anything except a whirr of blue flashing lights, the screech as more vehicles arrived. People were crying and screaming and I didn’t know what was going on.’ She closed her eyes, remembering it all so vividly, the dead ache that had settled across her, as if trying to ward off the shock that was to come. ‘But then one of our friends, Kyle, saw me, and came over to me. I don’t remember what he said; I don’t remember anything much after that, about that night, except arriving back at our flat and being unable to process that she wouldn’t be coming through the door, that if I waited for her, I’d be waiting for ever.’

Robin dropped her head, pushing at her cheeks, angry with herself for crying.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Will said again. He pulled her gently towards him and Robin didn’t resist, letting the warmth of his body rush through her. She inhaled, licked her lips before telling the final part. She was nearly there.

‘They said that she’d been looking at her phone, that she’d stepped off the pavement, distracted, and that the woman behind the wheel didn’t have time to slow down. Neve was always so excitable and energetic, always doing so many things at once. This time, though …’ She shook her head, leaned in to Will and stared at the sea, trying to close off the memories again. ‘I told you that Neve helped me with the guesthouse, because she inspired so much of it. Starcross – the astrology – and Andalusia is based on what she had told me about her home country, though I never had the chance to go with her.’

‘It’s not just a boutique hotel, then,’ Will murmured. ‘It always seemed like it had more heart than that; the attention to detail, the warmth and kindness you put into running it. It’s an extension of Neve, of what you did together. I can see that.’

Robin swallowed down a resurgence of tears. ‘You can?’

‘Now I know the story,’ Will said quietly. ‘I shouldn’t have asked you to go through it again. But after what Tim told me this morning …’ His hand drifted up, gently stroking her hair, tugging at the strands, twisting them round his fingers. He didn’t realise he was doing it, she thought, or understand the effect it was having on her. Fireworks were going off inside her, her breaths shortening. She wanted to stop talking about Tim, about her heartbreak at losing Neve. She didn’t want to do anything now but kiss him.

‘I’m not irrational, whatever he thinks,’ Robin said firmly, finding a reserve of strength, pulling herself back from the distraction. ‘I’ve been grieving, that much is true. It’s been a year and a half. I tried to carry on with Once in a Blue Moon Days afterwards, but I couldn’t do it by myself.’