Rebecca Thornton - The Fallout

‘Because I know. This bit will be tough for them. But you know what Liza’s like. She’s got it in hand.’

An image of Liza’s pram from earlier floods her mind’s eye. The piles of rubbish. The medicine boxes and the rotting apple cores. She isn’t so sure.

‘OK,’ says Tom with a sigh. ‘How about you move in with Liza for a couple of days? Stay with her just while Jack settles back in. I can take some time off work. Look after Casper. That way you can help out but we can still focus on us . On our baby, Sarah.’ He squeezes Thea tight. ‘You know how much this means to us.’

She opens her mouth. She’s about to tell him about the IVF clinic appointment next week, but something stops her.

‘OK, Sa? Is that OK? Good enough?’

‘Yes.’ She wraps her arms around herself and shivers into her T-shirt. ‘Yes, it’s fine.’

But in her head, of course, she’s thinking something totally different. No. It’s not good enough. It’s absolutely not good enough at all. She doesn’t want to move into Liza’s; with Gav giving them both the evil eye every time they open their mouths. She wants to be right here with Tom and Casper. And she wants to, she has to, do the best by her friend. There’ll be a way to get Tom to agree. And she’s damned if she isn’t going to find out what it is.

WhatsApp group: West London Primary Academy PTA Class Reps

Members: Ems, Liza, Aissatu, Sarah, Bella, Millie, Amina, Charlotte T, Charlotte G, Nabila, Charlotte M, Kalisha, Amelia, Shereen, Fizz, Becky D, Becky G, Isa, Marion, Mimi, Camilla

Liza: Hi all. I hope everyone is surviving half-term! I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I just wanted to let you all know that Jack has had a terrible accident and fractured his neck and broken his wrist. I’m doing the best I can but I’m trying to put everything into place now, before we leave the hospital, so that I can focus on him and him alone as he’s going to be flat on his back for a while. He’s doing ok (champion that he is) but it’s going to be a long recovery. And thankfully, I think he’s going to come out of this relatively unscathed (physically, at least.) So – I wanted to let you all know that I’ll be stepping down from my role as head of the Christmas fair this year. I know it’s not far away so I wanted to let you all know sooner rather than later so you can get things in place. I’ve started off with a bit of the sponsorship money – some leads but there’s a lot of work to be done. Need to raise 10k for all the stuff on the school enrichment fund. This is the most important thing so any leads at all please, please chase them up. This is a full-on task, so anyone that is interested needs to be aware of that. Thanks all.

Millie: Oh my god, Liza. That’s so dreadful. I’m so sorry. We’re all here to help.

Charlotte G: Oh, Liza. We are all so desperately sorry. Jack is such a spirited little boy that I know he will cope with this brilliantly. Do let us know how we can all help.

Liza: Thanks so much all. But please – use this thread just to sort out the Xmas fair, so I don’t have to worry about it! If you want to send any private messages to me or Jack please do.

Ems: Typing …

Charlotte G: I’ll do it!!! I’d love to

Mimi: ME!

Shereen: Yes. Liza, we are here for you if you need anything.

Charlotte T: I’d LOVE to do it.

Charlotte M: I can’t. Sorry! I’ve just got so much on with the little ones at the moment and work – I think it’d be silly to take it all on at once. Don’t you? I’ll help out of course in any way that I can though.

Bella: As you know, I’m not a SAHM so I just don’t think I can offer any more of my time. But like Charlotte M says – I’m happy to help.

Fizz: Just FYI I’m a *SAHM* and my time is limited too! I don’t think we should be talking in terms of time. It’s not helpful when we are all exceedingly busy with our children and everything else.

Sarah: Guys – let’s just focus on Liza here please and getting the fair sorted so she can concentrate on Jack. Anyone who offered to help out, we’ll have a meeting the first Thursday back after half-term, in the green café at ten am. I’ll send out a reminder before then. 10k is a heck of a lot. We need to get focused. Ok?

WhatsApp group: School mums VIP business

Members: Charlotte G, Bella

Charlotte G: Was that the ‘incident’ I heard about at The Vale Club? Do you know? Apparently someone wasn’t watching their kid and they had a fall? There’d better be an investigation of some sorts.

Bella: I don’t know. Maybe. Awful.

Charlotte G: Must be. I’ll try and find out. They shut the club apparently. I wasn’t there, of course. Had all three kids at home crafting. But by the sounds of it, someone’s head’s going to roll.

Bella: *rolling heads emoji*.

The next morning, I meet Gav in the hospital café. I’d slept on a guest bed next to Jack, whilst he’d gone home to get some rest. I’d barely shut my eyes, listening out all night for any change in the rhythm of Jack’s breath.

‘Ready?’ I hand Gav a black coffee. Two espresso shots, just as he likes it. He nods and takes the cup without a thank you. We get the lift up to floor three, Paediatrics. I shield my eyes from the other patients in wheelchairs and trolleys. I can’t stand any more heartache right now. Selfish, I know.

We stand close to each other as we walk towards Jack’s hospital bed. My little boy is there, his head on the pillow, stilled by a foam neck brace. I’d only been away from him for about ten minutes whilst I went to meet Gav but I’m already overcome with the feelings I’d been battling all night – fear, guilt, sorrow, relief that he’s alive. There’s a flickering halogen bulb to the side of him, the blue concertinaed curtains drawn so that I can only see half his sleepy face. It all feels a bit eerie now the lights have been switched on, especially when I see the cannula tape, puckered over his small arm. There’s a plastic jug of squash next to him, still full with a bunch of limp-looking straws next to it.

‘You OK?’ Gav takes my arm and pulls me forward. For some reason this small act of kindness makes me want to cry all over again, until he seems to physically push me forward with the palm of his hand on my back. He wasn’t being kind after all – he was just steering me into the right direction, I think. My feelings can’t keep up with his actions and my throat constricts. It seems that neither of us knows how to behave in light of this trauma. ‘Just …’ I manage.

‘Come on. Let’s not let him see us upset when he’s fully awake.’ Gav grabs two plastic chairs and places them next to Jack. There’s an awkward moment, when neither of us knows who should sit first, but I go ahead and lean over to my son.

‘Jack? My little one? It’s OK. Mummy and Daddy are here.’ His eyes look all droopy and a small tear rolls its way down his cheek. I feel the heat of his breath on my hand. A lone, thick eyelash has made its way onto his cheek. ‘We love you so much. We’re so proud of you.’ I lick my finger and press it over the eyelash. ‘I’m doing it for you. The wish. OK?’ I shut my eyes and blow as hard as I can. Please, please make him better.

‘I’m sorry,’ he whispers. ‘I didn’t mean to be a bad boy.’