Rebecca Thornton - The Fallout

‘In light of an earlier incident, we’ll be closing the club in ten minutes. I repeat …’

‘Fine,’ Sarah says, turning to Ella. ‘Let’s just see what happens. Casper. Come on, darling. We’re going to take Thea back to ours.’ She is about to say goodbye to Ella, but she pulls up. ‘Wait,’ she says. ‘I need your number.’

She watches a frown cross Ella’s face.

‘In case I need to speak to you.’ Ella shrugs. Sarah lifts her chin in defiance. ‘Don’t you want to know what happens? With Jack?’

‘Fine,’ Ella breathes, and then she reels off her phone number, a bored expression on her face.

‘Thanks. Fine. I’ll ping you later. Felix, bye to you too.’ She grabs Casper’s hand and takes him and Thea back to the soft-play. She takes the pram, hoisting all the bags and coats into the bottom of the buggy before ordering an Uber. She’s in no mood to take the bus home. Whilst she’s waiting, she rings Tom.

‘Oh God,’ he says, once she’s run through the whole incident. ‘Is he OK? What can we do? I’m coming home now. Anything at all I can do, just let me know. Anything.’

‘I don’t know, Tom. I’m …’ She tries to tell him she’s scared but the words hang heavy on her tongue. ‘OK, look.’ She decides now is not the time to be thinking of anything else other than Liza and Jack. ‘Right. Formula. Can you get some formula milk for Thea? I’ve got her with me. Take out the Moses basket from the loft. Oh, and some nappies and shit … I don’t know. The steriliser. Do we still have that? What else do we need for babies? It’s been a while.’ She gives a small laugh which turns into a hiccup.

Images of last year surface in her mind – they seem to come back full-force in times of stress: how Liza had gone quietly to her house from the hospital before Tom had arrived back in London; keeping her mother up to speed because she couldn’t face her grief as well. Liza had then spent that day putting away any reminders of Rosie’s homecoming – everything shrink-wrapped and stored back in the loft so Sarah wouldn’t have to see it again.

She squeezes Casper’s hand. ‘OK?’ she mouths. He nods, looking up at his mother, a worried expression on his face. It’s only when she hangs up that she realises her hands are shaking and she’s got tears running down her face. For the first time in about five years, she actually wants to ring her mother but she’s too scared that the sound of her voice will prompt her to lose it entirely.

By the time she’s got Casper out of the building and manoeuvred the pram and everything else, the sky is getting darker and heavier, and it’s nearing tea time. Any minute now, Casper’s going to start whining and Thea’s going to want her milk. She passes a small group of women by the car park.

‘Awful,’ one of them whispers. Priti, she’s called. Sarah recognises her from Body Pump – she always wonders how she manages to be so compact but springy at the same time. ‘Investigation … I mean, my little one plays out there all the time. Lord knows what could have happened. Someone could have been killed.’

She wants to tell them all to stop gossiping. To go back home and have a little respect. She watches all the 4x4s, streaming out of the barriers. People are waving at her left, right and centre. Why can’t one of you just offer me a lift, she thinks. She stands scanning the roads for her Uber, when she realises she doesn’t even know what she’s looking for. She puts the brake on Thea’s pram, checking it’s on with her foot, three or four times. Something about the conversation she’s just overheard has made her even more nervous.

‘Casper. Away from the road.’

‘I’m not near the road,’ he says, but she yanks him back so he’s standing right close to the hedge. He looks shocked.

She pulls out her phone and brings up the Uber app. Tom’s words play back in her mind. Anything at all I can do, just let me know. And that’s when she knows. That she’ll do anything to make it up to Liza. To Jack. Liza won’t know why, but that’s fine. Somehow, even if it means putting her own life on the line, she’s going to sort out this awful, sorry mess. Maybe she should do some googling – falls from a great height , or paralysis – but then she knows her fear will take over.

She puts her phone firmly in her pocket, and then she sees Priti, leaping into her car. She plays back the conversation she’s just overheard; the self-righteous tremble of Priti’s voice. Investigation. Someone could have been killed . And that’s when she jolts. Investigation? Surely not. It was an accident. That’s all. Surely they wouldn’t go that far? And anyway, she couldn’t come clean now. She thinks of Liza’s face. The relief when Sarah had told her that her son was OK. I saw him. He’s fine . This is the way I paid you back for your friendship and love, Liza.

Her stomach tilts. She watches Priti’s car swing out of the space and into the road, the flash of her diamond ring winking in the weak sunlight. It’s far too late. She’s sure the investigation won’t happen. And if it does? Well, she has a story. She is going to stick to it and that, she tells herself with a lurch, is that.

I’m taken into a waiting room, whilst Jack is rushed into the operating theatre. Gav arrives soon after, motorbike helmet clamped under his arm. I stand up, and we hug. Something we haven’t done for months now. It doesn’t last long. I extricate myself from him, terrified about what’s coming next.

‘What happened?’ he demands as he crosses his arms and takes a step forward, encroaching into my space.

‘He fell.’ I take a step back from him.

‘How?’

I’d worked out the explanation already, yet now that Gav is here I’m finding it hard to speak.

‘He was climbing.’

‘Climbing what? A tree?’

‘No.’ I lower my head. ‘He was outside The Vale Club. In the playground.’ My vision tunnels.

‘And?’

‘Look, please,’ I tell him. ‘I was with Thea. She was screaming.’

‘That’s not what I’m asking you.’ I look into his eyes. Ever since we’d separated and he’d moved into a different area of the house, he’s been distant, unreadable.

‘He was outside. In the sandpit.’

‘And you were doing what, exactly?’ His voice takes on a menacing tone. ‘Can you please explain? That’s my son in there.’ He narrows his eyes. ‘ Again .’ Cold rises up in my blood and I take another step back. I know we’re both thinking the same thing.

‘I was … I told you. I was with Thea. He was fine.’ I think back to just before it had happened. How Thea had just fallen asleep. How finally, that day, I thought I’d have three minutes to myself. Until Sarah had turned up with Ella Bradby.

‘He was fine. Sarah checked on him seconds before. He obviously …’ I trail off, unable to think of his small body impacting the ground. I swallow. ‘The doctors are, well, they’ve been good.’

‘What have they said?’

‘Nothing much. Just rushed him into theatre. They think he might have damaged his neck.’

‘Damaged? What the fuck do you mean, damaged? Broken?’

‘Gav. Please.’ I cover my mouth with my hand. ‘Please. Keep your voice down.’ I’m used to Gav’s emotions going from zero to a hundred miles per hour within the space of a few seconds.