Mabel Maney - The Case Of The Good-For-Nothing Girlfriend

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“The Funniest Damn titles in gay Fiction” – InstinctIf you travel with the Nurses' Guide to Snakes or can get a raisin pie stain out of a pink poplin frock, you’ll fit right in with Nancy Clue and her gay chums on a road trip from sleepy Pleasantville, Idaho, to sparkling River Depths, Illinois, where Hannah, Nancy’s beloved housekeeper, stands wrongfully accused of murder! Nurse Cherry Aimless, who fell head-over-penny-loafers for the world-famous girl detective in The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse, must help her new sweetheart clear Hannah’s name—and her own—and restore her sterling reputation. But does Nancy deserve her devotion? Troubling discoveries force Cherry to do some sleuthing of her own. Is Nancy really the sweet, upstanding girl she seems to be? Like her beloved camp classics The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse and A Ghost in the Closet, Mabel Maney’s The Case of the Good-For-Nothing Girlfriend brilliantly parodies 1950s boys’ and girls’ adventure series.From the author of The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse and A Ghost in the Closet.Praise for Mabel Maney“For those adults who are just big and twisted kids underneath” San Francisco Weekly“Tongue-in-cheek homoerotic hilarity that’s fun, nostalgic, and completely contemporary” Los Angeles Reader“Maney flawlessly lampoons the torpid style of both children’s books and lesbian mysteries where similarly nothing happens without at least three changes of clothing and a good, hot meal” SF Weekly“America’s two greatest girl detectives as lovers? Could anything in the history of pop culture be more irreverent?” Newsday“Maney has penned a mystery with tongue-in-cheek homoerotic hilarity that’s simultaneously fun, nostalgic and completely contemporary” Los Angeles Reader

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“We’re sure to find it,” her husband Harold said heartily. “Miss, you go look behind the counter while the wife and I search under the tables. I think I saw something fly from your handbag and land back there. Now isn’t that the darndest thing?”

Cherry slipped behind the counter and searched with all her might, but could find nothing more than a handful of pennies and some after-dinner mints covered in dust.

“Did you lose something?” a nice waitress bent over the counter and asked her.

“Yes, a small, white leather case, with a little brass latch and the initials N C stamped in gold on top!” Cherry cried.

“Does it look like the one that man has in his hand?” the waitress wanted to know.

Cherry looked at Harold. He was standing there with a big smile on his face. And in his hand was Nancy’s jewelry box!

“Oh, thank you!” Cherry exclaimed as she raced over to him. “I don’t know how to repay you,” she bubbled. “My friend has tons of nice jewelry at home, but still!” She breathed a sigh of relief. “If we hadn’t already eaten, I’d ask you to join us. The Potatoes Au Gratin here are simply delicious. We’re in a bit of a hurry ourselves,” she confided. “We’ve got to get to … well never mind. We’re just in a hurry. But our car’s been damaged, and a nice mechanic recommended this restaurant, and a motor court for the night, too. The Pocatello Komfort Kourt. Mel said it’s inexpensive but clean. Oh, I can’t even begin to thank you!”

“I should be thanking you!” Harold enthused.

Cherry looked puzzled.

“I mean, for your perfectly charming company,” the man added hastily. He handed Cherry the jewelry box with a flourish.

“Perhaps we’ll meet again!” Cherry cried to the nice couple. She waved good-bye and headed back for her booth, clutching the precious case in both hands.

“I imagine we will,” the man murmured softly. His companion raised one over-plucked eyebrow.

“I imagine we will,” she echoed with a sly smile.

CHAPTER 8

An Important Assignment

The Case Of The GoodForNothing Girlfriend - изображение 17

“Guess what silly thing I almost did?” Cherry cried the minute she got back to the booth. But she forgot all about her adventure with the nice couple when she spied Nancy’s tear-streaked face. “What’s happened?” Cherry cried, as she slipped into the seat next to Nancy and threw her arms around her chum.

“The police are after me!” Nancy choked out.

“What?” Cherry shrieked in surprise. “How did they find out you killed your father?” she cried.

The noisy restaurant, packed with the supper trade, suddenly grew very quiet. Cherry cringed when she realized everyone had heard her. The family behind them was peeking over the top of the booth and staring at the girls in alarm.

“We’re rehearsing a play,” Midge said in a loud, calm tone. “Hamlet.” That seemed to do the trick. People went back to their many delicious potato dishes and left the girls alone.

Nancy quickly filled her chums in on the terrible news. She took care to keep her voice down. “When I couldn’t get in touch with either Bess or George, I decided to call the prison and try to speak to Hannah directly, to let her know I’m on my way. I pretended to be Hannah’s sister and took care to disguise my voice. The head matron said Hannah couldn’t be summoned to the telephone because two members of the River Depths Ladies’ Club had come to call and were giving her a permanent wave so she’ll be ready for her trial Monday morning.”

“That’s not so bad,” Cherry blurted out. “At least Hannah will look her best. Sometimes a new hairdo is the perfect medicine when you’re blue.”

Nancy shook her head. “There’s more,” she whispered dramatically. “There’s an All Points Bulletin out on my car!”

The girls gasped in horror.

“I don’t want to be picked up on the way,” Nancy whispered fearfully. “What if we’re spotted and have to tangle with some local police who don’t know me the way the Chief does?” she shivered. “Without my evidence, I couldn’t possibly tell my story to anyone. And Chief Chumley is the only one who can help me!” Tears trickled down her cheeks.

“I’ll just disguise your license plate; that’s easy,” Midge said in a calm, commanding tone that let them know she wasn’t at all shaken by the news that state police would be looking for the snappy convertible. Midge’s time behind bars hadn’t been all for naught, for she had learned many useful things. “And then we’ll—” But she clammed up quickly when Lauren reappeared holding a big red rock.

“What’s the matter with you guys?” Lauren asked. “Did someone die?”

Midge shot her a dirty look. “Lauren, be quiet,” she ordered.

“How come no one’s saying anything?” Lauren insisted. She stared at Nancy’s tear-streaked face. “Is she blubbering again?”

“Lauren, go play with your rock,” Midge said gruffly. But Lauren just stood there.

“Lauren, why don’t you go to the candy shop across the street and get some sweets?” Cherry suggested.

But Lauren didn’t budge. “What’s going on?” she demanded to know.

“I sure could go for some bon-bons,” Velma purred. She reached into Midge’s shirt pocket and took out a dollar. “Lauren, would you be a dear and get me some chocolates?” she smiled prettily.

Lauren beamed from ear to ear. “Sure!” she said, snatching the dollar from Velma’s hand. “Coconut cremes or fruit centers?” she wondered excitedly.

“I’m sure whatever you choose will be just right,” Velma murmured.

Lauren flushed with pleasure. “Watch my rock,” she called over her shoulder as she raced out the door.

“Smart-aleck kid,” Midge muttered under her breath as she watched Lauren eagerly do Velma’s bidding.

Cherry smiled. She had never seen Lauren so cooperative as she was with Velma. When Cherry had first met the brash teen, she had frankly been taken aback by her obvious lack of good breeding. Since then Cherry had tried to set a good example for the young girl. It looked like her example was finally beginning to pay off!

“Now if I could only get her to take some pride in her appearance, I know I could transform her into the graceful young lady I know she really is,” Cherry thought dreamily. “An attractive, polite, nice-to-be-around girl. The kind of girl who thinks first before she blurts out unpleasant thoughts.” As an older, more experienced girl, Cherry knew it was her duty to show Lauren the way to womanhood.

“With the cops out looking, we’ve really got to keep Nancy’s identity a secret until we can get her home. What if the kid goofs and gives her away?” Midge groused.

“That’s a very real concern, Midge,” Cherry said solemnly.

“She’s smart enough to understand the gravity of the situation,” Velma declared. “Besides that, she’s hardly a child! May I remind you, Midge, that she’s only a year younger than you were when you went to prison?”

Midge threw up her hands in mock defeat. “Again, I am wrong and you are right,” she joked. “Happy?”

“Almost,” Velma said, giving Midge a sweet smile and batting her thick, dark lashes. She planted a big kiss on Midge’s cheek.

Midge grinned. “I say we go and check out that motel the mechanic recommended. I’m ready for bed!”

Good idea Midge Cherry said checking her sturdy nurses watch It was nine - фото 18

“Good idea, Midge,” Cherry said, checking her sturdy nurse’s watch. It was nine p.m. “It’s still early, but it would be wise for us to get a good night’s sleep. And I’ve got a full evening ahead of me yet. I simply must wash my hair and rinse out my undergarments, plus get out my maps so I can figure the quickest route through the Rocky Mountains tomorrow. Besides,” she added, lowering her voice to just above a whisper. “I feel creepy knowing the police are looking for Nancy. The sooner we get inside and away from prying eyes, the better.”

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