Mabel Maney - The Case Of The Good-For-Nothing Girlfriend

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“The Funniest Damn titles in gay Fiction” – InstinctIf you travel with the Nurses' Guide to Snakes or can get a raisin pie stain out of a pink poplin frock, you’ll fit right in with Nancy Clue and her gay chums on a road trip from sleepy Pleasantville, Idaho, to sparkling River Depths, Illinois, where Hannah, Nancy’s beloved housekeeper, stands wrongfully accused of murder! Nurse Cherry Aimless, who fell head-over-penny-loafers for the world-famous girl detective in The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse, must help her new sweetheart clear Hannah’s name—and her own—and restore her sterling reputation. But does Nancy deserve her devotion? Troubling discoveries force Cherry to do some sleuthing of her own. Is Nancy really the sweet, upstanding girl she seems to be? Like her beloved camp classics The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse and A Ghost in the Closet, Mabel Maney’s The Case of the Good-For-Nothing Girlfriend brilliantly parodies 1950s boys’ and girls’ adventure series.From the author of The Case of the Not-So-Nice Nurse and A Ghost in the Closet.Praise for Mabel Maney“For those adults who are just big and twisted kids underneath” San Francisco Weekly“Tongue-in-cheek homoerotic hilarity that’s fun, nostalgic, and completely contemporary” Los Angeles Reader“Maney flawlessly lampoons the torpid style of both children’s books and lesbian mysteries where similarly nothing happens without at least three changes of clothing and a good, hot meal” SF Weekly“America’s two greatest girl detectives as lovers? Could anything in the history of pop culture be more irreverent?” Newsday“Maney has penned a mystery with tongue-in-cheek homoerotic hilarity that’s simultaneously fun, nostalgic and completely contemporary” Los Angeles Reader

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Velma got up off the bed and hopped into her shoes. “I’m going to go and see my sweetie,” she said.

“See if you can find Lauren while you’re out there,” Cherry suggested. “It’s taking her an awfully long time to get one bucket of ice.”

“She’s probably hanging out with Midge, learning how to spit or something,” Velma said in a teasing tone. She powdered her nose, refreshed her lipstick, and threw her coat over her shoulders. A chiffon scarf tied around her pretty dark hair completed her evening ensemble.

“You look beautiful!” Cherry enthused. “Have a swell time. Say good night to Midge for me.”

“Thanks, I will,” Velma smiled. “Now, you know, I won’t be back for a while,” she warned. “Are you two going to be okay all alone?”

Cherry blushed.

Velma grinned. “Say good night to Nancy for me,” she said. “On second thought, give her a great, big kiss good night!”

Cherry turned beet red. She was having that very same thought!

“I’ll knock three times before coming back in, okay?” Velma promised. “Remember. Three knocks,” she repeated as she went out the door.

Now Cherry was really red! Her heart began racing wildly. Alone with Nancy! All day she had been dreaming of being near Nancy, of putting her arms around the attractive, titian-haired sleuth, of …

Her time ran out, and the bed came to an abrupt halt. Cherry was so lost in her dreaming she practically slid off! She was just debating whether to spend another quarter when the washroom door flew open and Nancy emerged, wrapped in a bath towel that left her lovely legs and shapely shoulders bare for all to see.

Cherry thought she had never seen anything so fetching as Nancy standing there in the doorway with the mist from the steamy room swirling about her, her cheeks all rosy, and her damp, trademark titian hair curling softly around her flushed face.

“Golly, she’s the most beautiful girl ever ,” Cherry thought breathlessly. She felt a sudden pulsating sensation somewhere deep inside. It was her heart beating a mile a minute! Cherry slipped a quarter into the metal box, and, ever so slowly, the bed started to move.

Nancy said nothing, but just walked toward her with a friendly look in her eyes. She gave Cherry a sweet smile. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable if you got out of that tight outfit?” Nancy murmured.

Cherry felt faint. She quickly unzipped the back of her dress and lay back on the bed, closing her eyes. She awaited Nancy’s soft kiss.

After a moment had passed with no kiss, Cherry opened her eyes and found, to her dismay, that Nancy had slipped into a white flannel nightgown, matching terrycloth robe, and plush slippers, and was busy tidying the room.

“Thanks for letting me bathe first,” Nancy said cheerfully as she neatly hung her dress and slip on a hanger, wiped the dust from her shoes, and put her pearls in her white leather travel jewelry case.

“Help yourself to any of my pajamas,” Nancy said, when she realized Cherry had unzipped her dress. She threw Cherry a quick kiss and slipped under the covers next to her. “How odd. The bed’s moving,” Nancy mused aloud before proclaiming, “I’m so sleepy I can’t possibly stay awake one more minute! Goodnight.”

Cherry blushed all the way to her taffeta neckline. “But you’ll catch cold if you sleep with wet hair!” she wanted to protest. But she was too late, for Nancy was already fast asleep.

CHAPTER 10

What a Coincidence!

A red nine goes on a black ten Cherry said under her breath as she - фото 21

“A red nine goes on a black ten,” Cherry said under her breath as she scrutinized the cards lying in a neat progression in front of her on the bed. “One, two, three,” she counted out the cards from the stack in her hand. She flipped the third card over. It was the jack of clubs.

Cherry shivered a little. She got up to get her sweater, taking care not to wake her sleeping chum. It had been almost an hour since Velma had gone to see Midge, and in that time, Cherry had rinsed out her lingerie, scrubbed Nancy’s handkerchiefs until they were squeaky clean, and selected an attractive yet comfortable travel outfit for the next day: a generous full skirt of the prettiest violet with practical front patch pockets and a cream-colored cotton dotted swiss short-sleeved blouse that was simplicity and coolness personified.

“Velma and Midge are probably out enjoying the refreshing evening mountain air,” she thought as she opened a window and took a deep, cleansing breath. But what could have possibly happened to Lauren? Cherry was tempted to go and see for herself, but quickly changed her mind. What if Nancy awoke and found herself alone in this strange cabin? No, it was best to stay put, Cherry decided. She ducked her head out the door and looked around, but her chums were nowhere to be seen.

“I’d best go ahead and wash my hair,” she thought, realizing with alarm that if she didn’t do it soon, her hair would be damp when she retired for the evening. She looked longingly at the soft, warm bed and the sleeping girl curled up on one side. It had been an especially long day, she thought, barely stifling a yawn. But before she could give in to temptation, she came to her senses.

“One is never too tired nor too busy for good grooming,” she scolded herself as she gathered up her travel kit containing her cold cream, shampoo, brush, comb, toothbrush, and bobby pins and marched into the bathroom. Ten minutes later, she had washed and towel-dried her thick, curly hair, pinned it off her forehead, applied a thick layer of cold cream to her face and neck, and was happily splashing about in warm, sudsy bath water.

“Jeepers,” she thought. “Mel said she’d be back here at the crack of dawn with our car, and I’ll bet it’s ten o’clock already. If I’m going to be fresh for the morning, I’d better hurry!” She felt good knowing their car was in Mel’s strong, capable hands. “She’s awfully nice,” Cherry smiled to herself. “So eager to help a girl in need!”

Cherry hummed a gay tune as she gave every inch of her body a rigorous rubbing with her soapy washcloth. When she was finished, she was truly exhausted and ready for bed! “I won’t even wait for Velma and Lauren to return,” Cherry decided. “We can do our hair another night.” She jumped out of the tub and into the pale yellow nightie, neatly trimmed with lace, that she had selected from among Nancy’s many lovely things. After wiping the cold cream from her face, she gave her teeth a good scrubbing, gargled with a mild antiseptic, and put a dab of rose water behind each ear. A pretty yellow satin ribbon tied atop her head completed her look.

Cherry stifled a yawn. She could think of nothing nicer right now than slipping between fresh sheets and falling fast asleep.

Suddenly, she heard the door to the room creak open. For a moment Cherry thought Lauren might have returned, but changed her mind when she realized the boisterous young girl was incapable of being so quiet. “Why, Lauren even makes noise when she’s standing still,” she smiled.

Cherry knew Lauren, as a typical teen, was prone to the hormonal urges and emotional conflict that afflict all girls. Luckily, Cherry had taken a human development course in nursing school, and so felt equipped to really understand Lauren!

“Velma must be back,” Cherry realized. “That’s funny, though. She was going to knock three times to warn me she was coming in. Well, it’s just as well that Velma forgot to use the secret code; she might have waked Nancy.” Good thing she had left the door unlocked so her friends could come in quietly!

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