Katy Colins - Destination Thailand

‘Read this. This is what I want to do with my life now. I’m sick of pining for what I probably never had anyway. I was so caught up in the wedding planning, making sure it would live up to the expectations of his mum and perfect Francesca, that I hadn’t thought about the actual marriage. The vows were the last thing I had to write, even though I nagged him into writing his, as I found the words just didn’t come,’ I admitted for the first time ever.

Marie tried to focus her hazy drunken eyes on the list.

‘I’m terrified of what the future will hold, but it has to be better than sharing my lovely home with a cheating fiancé, working a job I hate to pay the bills and being in more debt because of how much the wedding had cost. This should be the time in my life when I’m out there exploring, seeing the world, learning new things and finding me.’ I felt very passionate and might have been shouting slightly. God those cocktails were lethal.

For a few seconds Marie didn’t say anything. Then a huge grin broke out over her squiffy face. ‘This is awesome, hun. I really think you should go for it. God, I’ll miss you, but what better time to get out there than now? I’m so proud of how you’ve coped with everything and even seeing that couple tonight, you’ve done so bloody brilliantly.’

‘Thank you, but honestly I couldn’t have done any of it without you.’

‘Yes you could. You’re so amazing.’ She was definitely slurring now.

‘No, you’re the amazing one.’

‘No, you are!’

A girl with a humongous bouffant broke up our love fest as she barged past to dry her hands. ‘I want whatever they’re drinking,’ she called out to one of her friends in the stalls as we fell into a fit of giggles. Looking up at the clock near the sinks I realised we were leaving this country in a few hours’ time and we still hadn’t packed.

‘We need to be making a move, hun,’ I said. From the way she was swaying I guessed she was ready to head off too.

‘Aww, yeah you’re right. I’ve had such a good night! I know, you should come back here and get a job like lovely Mel, that could be a bit of travelling for you?’ Marie slurred, taking my hand to move past the ever growing queue for the ladies’ toilets. The bride and groom had long since been swallowed up amongst young Turks on the packed dance floor.

‘Err, yeah maybe,’ I absently replied.

We made it safely outside and out of the grip of commission-hungry touts. I could still hear snippets of a banging bass line and felt the buzz of adrenalin pumping through me. Under the bright light of the stars that were reflected in the pitch-black water lapping at the quayside I felt alive with excitement and anticipation at what my new future had in store. If I could survive coming face to face with another bride on what should have been my wedding day, then surely I could survive anything .

Back in the calm of our hotel room Marie was fast asleep in minutes after I stripped her off, tucked her in and turned up the air con. I took off my make-up, got into my cotton pyjamas and tied my hair into a low ponytail, letting the soft sheets wrap themselves around me. My head was spinning from the alcohol, the emotion, and the fact I’d survived coming face to face with a bridal party tonight of all nights.

I should be lying with Alex in the marital suite at the country house after drinking champagne in the huge free-standing bubble bath, making love as Mr and Mrs and marvelling at how perfectly the day had gone. The day of my dreams. But that’s the thing with dreams, they hardly ever become reality. No, what would have happened is this: the night would have ended in us rowing about why his mate Ryan had alluded to other women during the best man’s speech. My embarrassing uncle Ron, that we only invited to avoid any family politics but actually none of us wanted there, would have started an impromptu and uncensored karaoke during the cake cutting causing Alex’s parents to have strong words with their son over why he had married into such an uncouth family. Alex and I would have been too tired to even run a bath, let alone drink any more booze and we’d have fallen into a drunken snoring state on either side of the huge bed still in our clothes. Why start making love now when we hadn’t got jiggy in months? We’d settled into sluggishness and I’m positive that’s not the name of a Kama Sutra move. I’d put Alex’s lack of interest in me down to the stress and nerves of the wedding, or the fact that he was tired from working late again. I was so naïve! And to think he’d been getting it all along from someone else.

I looked fondly over to Marie; actually, lying slightly intoxicated next to my half-naked best mate in Turkey wasn’t too shabby a way to spend tonight either. Right now I was happy to remember today, not as the day I was supposed to get married, but the day I made a plan for my new life.

All I had to do now was put it into action.

CHAPTER 3

Hiraeth (n.) Homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never was

Manchester welcomed us home in the way it knew best; grey drizzle kissed our shoulders as we stepped off the plane and it hadn’t stopped raining since. But even the non-existent Indian summer that the weather presenters had predicted couldn’t dampen my spirits. Our non-stop excited chatter on the flight home about where, how and when I’d be saying au revoir took my mind off the impeding task ahead.

I still needed to move the rest of my things out of my old house to Marie’s spare room, something I’d hoped magic fairies would have sorted for me whilst I was away. There was never an impish elf around when you needed one. Marie had tried to encourage me to stick to my guns and fight to stay in the house that I half owned. ‘Alex should be the one to leave, go live with whatever skank he has these feelings for,’ she’d told me straight one evening over a game of chase the ace. She was probably right, but the thing was I couldn’t bear the thought of living there on my own, going through the front door to an empty house where memories bled through every brick. I’d never lived on my own before and certainly wasn’t strong enough to start now. Plus I didn’t have the energy to fight, to confront him about it, I just wanted it to be sorted so I could move on. Tomorrow. I’ll do it tomorrow. Tonight was all about a bath, an early night and devouring the giant Toblerone that had somehow fallen into my shopping basket in duty free.

We whizzed through customs and were soon outside Marie’s flat as the surly cabbie chucked our bags onto the rain-soaked pavement miraculously avoiding any puddles. Welcome home.

With Marie on the phone to Cole I pottered about turning up the heating, chucking out gone-off milk and putting the kettle on.

‘OMG!’ Marie burst into the room screeching, her hangover dramatically lifted. ‘My agent just called telling me I’ve been offered a call back on the audition I did!’

‘That’s great news. Where, what, when?’

‘I leave tomorrow. I have to be away for a few days as the director’s filming on location but asked for me personally to come for the second audition. It’s the one I tried out for ages ago – you know, the stuffy costume drama with an edgy twist?’

‘Oh yeah.’ I remembered that there was something she had been getting nervous about around the same time that I’d had to choose between having the DJ start straight after cutting the cake or move the speeches until later. It had been a stressful time for us both.

‘They want to urbanise Jane Eyre and film it in Brixton, not the Lake District, or wherever it was the first time. I’ve just got a few lines, but my agent reckons if I get in with the director then it could lead to bigger things,’ she said excitedly.