Chris Curran - Her Deadly Secret

When she had gone he went upstairs. Hannah was lying on the bed, her dark hair spreading over the pillow. She was wearing a sleeveless summer dress with a bluey green pattern. It was one he’d always liked, but she hardly ever wore because she preferred trousers. Her bare legs were stretched out and crossed at the ankles, her toenails still painted red, and he was filled with such a longing for her he had to bite his lip to keep back a gasp.

When he took off his shoes and lay beside her, as always, now, she turned to face the wall. He wanted to pull her round, force her to talk, but he was afraid of what she might say. What they both might say. Instead, he curled over and put his arm round her. She stiffened, then seemed to relax just a little.

It was enough. He pressed his face into her hair and felt the sobs wrenching out of him. Something deep inside tearing away. Then, unbelievably, Hannah’s hand, feeling so cold and rough he almost didn’t know it as hers, reached up and covered his.

How long he cried, gripping her cold hand, smelling her stale hair, he didn’t know but, finally, he slept.

When he woke, Hannah was gone.

Rosie

Fay was at the window before Rosie even registered the sound of the car. ‘Daddy. Daddy’s home.’ She bounced about and dragged at the curtain, threatening to bring it down, as Oliver pulled into the drive with a rattle of gravel.

He had been gone a week and, although they were used to his trips away and he’d rung home every night, Fay hated it. For Rosie, too, the house had seemed very empty.

They stood on the step, Fay still bouncing, until Rosie let go of her hand. Then she ran to throw her arms around her dad’s waist while he tried to lock up and deal with his jacket and briefcase. Watching them, Rosie couldn’t help smiling. They looked like an advert for the perfect family – or part of it anyway. She had the feeling that, if she joined them, everyone would say they’d miscast the mother.

As always, when she saw Oliver after he’d been away, she thought how good he looked. They’d spent a lot of weekends this year messing about on the little cabin cruiser they kept moored at Rye Harbour. He’d picked up a tan, and the way his short fair hair had been brightened by the sun really suited him. He swung Fay into his arms and kissed the top of her head, looking over to smile at Rosie: the sweet smile that made her heart glow.

Still carrying Fay, he struggled through the front door. ‘Now I need to breathe and to talk to Mummy for a bit please, sweetie,’ he said, lowering Fay to the ground and untangling her arms from his neck.

But Fay wasn’t going to let him off that easily. ‘I’ve done you some pictures. They’re in my room.’ She took his hand and pulled him across the hallway to the wide staircase as he laughed and raised his fair brows at Rosie.

Listening to Fay chattering away upstairs and Oliver’s soft replies, Rosie smiled to herself as she made coffee. When Oliver came down again, Fay trotting after him, she said, ‘Why don’t you show Daddy what a big girl you are and help him in with his bags?’

‘Good idea, I need someone with muscles but, first, can you find my keys? I think I dropped them upstairs somewhere.’ Oliver winked at Rosie as Fay turned and raced away again with an, ‘I’ll get them.’

As soon as she was gone he pulled Rosie to him. ‘That should keep her busy for a bit.’ Their kiss was long and warm, and afterwards, she nestled against his chest as he stroked her hair. She felt herself relax and all the anxieties about her mum and dad begin to ebb away. Oliver was here now and together they could deal with anything.

‘I’ve missed you, Rosebud,’ he said. ‘And I need a lie down. Will you come up and tuck me in?’ He raised his voice as Fay appeared at the top of the stairs. ‘And, look at that, the car keys were in my pocket all the time.’

Rosie smiled. ‘You go up. I’ll bring you some coffee.’

She gave Fay a cup of juice and a biscuit to have in front of the TV and stood at the living room door. When it was obvious that her daughter, lying on her tummy, a chocolate digestive suspended in front of her mouth, was absorbed in Thunderbirds Are Go , she carried the two cups of coffee upstairs.

Oliver was in bed, his clothes scattered on the floor, and she put the coffees on her bedside table and curled up close to him. They lay for a while, breathing together, but when he began to undo her buttons she pulled away. He sat up, rubbing at his fair hair until it stood in spikes. ‘What’s wrong?’

She passed him a cup of coffee. ‘It’s just, with Fay downstairs—’

‘That’s not all, though, is it?’ When she didn’t answer he said: ‘Fay told me you’d seen Marion.’

She pulled her shirt closed. ‘Mum turned up outside the school, and Fay would have thrown a wobbler if we hadn’t gone with her.’

‘But you didn’t go over there, did you?’

‘Of course not.’

He picked up a T-shirt from beside the bed, his voice muffled as he dragged it over his head. ‘This isn’t going to stop, you know that. And, eventually, you’ll give in to her, like you always do.’

A spurt of anger made her get up and walk over to the window. ‘This is different. Do you honestly think I’d let Fay anywhere near that place with him there?’

One of her buttons was loose, hanging by a single thread. ‘Damn it.’ She snapped it off and tossed the button onto her cluttered dressing table, knowing she’d probably never find it again.

They both started as the door opened and Fay stood there, her face pinched. ‘You were cross, Mummy, I heard you.’ She had always hated raised voices, but lately she seemed to have developed antennae that vibrated at the slightest hint of tension between her parents.

As always, Oliver knew what to do, grabbing her and throwing her on the rumpled duvet. ‘It’s just,’ tickle, tickle, ‘your bad-tempered mummy,’ tickle, tickle, ‘getting cross,’ tickle, tickle, ‘because she lost a button.’

Fay was soon an exhausted bundle of giggles, and Rosie felt a surge of love for them both. This was her family, not that pathetic old pair in Bexhill. When she and Oliver made love tonight, she’d tell him she wanted another baby and that he was right: they needed to get away from here. They had talked about moving abroad ever since Fay was born, but Rosie had always worried about leaving her mum. Well she could forget about that now. Just the thought of her parents living together again after all her mother had said made her feel sick. She wanted to be as far from them as possible. If she stayed here, she would never escape Alice’s death.

‘Fay, you have something for school to finish so leave Daddy to get changed and come down with me.’

Oliver pushed Fay gently off the bed and when she stood, arms crossed and face twisted in a stubborn grimace, he laughed and ruffled her hair. ‘Go on, and if you do your homework you can choose a game for us to play together. A board game, mind, not computer.’

That did it, and Fay was soon filling in her worksheet at the big pine table while Rosie peeled potatoes. It was quiet and all the glass made the kitchen bright and warm. The room was at its best in summer at this time of day and, with Oliver home again, Rosie should have felt happy, but her mind kept going back to Alice’s death.

* * *

She was 14 when it happened; Alice was two years older. They had been great friends when they were younger, but not so much by then. It didn’t help that they no longer went to the same school. The comprehensive Rosie had to move to was all right, but she missed her friends. They’d promised to keep in touch, but she was so angry she ignored their texts and messages until they gradually dwindled away.