S.D. Robertson - If Ever I Fall

‘I can help, if you like. I’m not too busy.’

‘Thanks, but it’s not like I’d be able to do anything for her at the hospital.’

‘No, but you’re her dad. She’ll want you there. Trust me.’

Maurice had a daughter of his own – a nineteen-year-old from a short-lived relationship in his younger days – so he did know what he was talking about. However, he didn’t know how tricky things had been with Ruby recently. She hadn’t taken well to Dan moving out of the family home. He’d always suspected that she blamed him for the split with Maria and a few weeks ago she’d said as much. It was blurted out in anger and she’d apologised later on, claiming not to have meant it, but the words had stuck with Dan. Wasn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Weren’t the weekends with him supposed to be the fun time? Weren’t daughters supposed to be daddy’s girls? Welcome to reality, he thought.

By the time they went back inside, Dan had agreed to accept Maurice’s kind offer to stand in and finish his papers off for him.

‘You’re sure?’ he asked one more time before leaving for the hospital.

‘Go. Be with your daughter.’

‘Thanks, mate. I owe you.’

Half an hour later he was at St Joseph’s, where Ruby was slumped in a chair, her arm in a sling, waiting to have an X-ray.

‘Hello, darling,’ he said, crouching down next to her and kissing her pale cheek, careful not to brush against her arm.

She gave her best attempt at a smile, although it barely registered on her drawn face. ‘Hi, Daddy,’ she whispered.

‘You look wiped out, little one. How are you doing?’

‘Not good.’

‘Poor thing.’

He looked over at Maria, who was sitting on the next seat along. ‘Hi. I managed to get away.’

‘So I see.’ She didn’t go as far as thanking him, but she did look pleasantly surprised.

‘Have they given her something for the pain?’ he asked.

Maria nodded.

It was late by the time they finally got Ruby home, her arm in plaster, and they put her straight to bed. That evening was the longest time all three of them had spent together in ages, Dan noted. And there hadn’t been one argument. It almost felt like they were a family again.

‘Night night,’ Maria said, planting a kiss on Ruby’s forehead before leaving Dan to tuck her in.

He knelt at the side of her bed and stroked her hair. ‘How are you feeling, darling?’

‘Tired,’ she whispered.

‘Does your arm still hurt?’

She nodded, fresh tears trickling down her flushed cheeks.

‘Better than before, though?’ Dan asked, wiping the tears away with a thumb.

‘A bit.’

‘Don’t worry: you’ll be back to normal in no time. One of the best things about being a child is that you heal quickly. Anyway, I’d better let you sleep, hadn’t I?’

She reached out with her good arm, eyes anxious. ‘No. Stay.’

‘Okay, love, I will.’ Taking her hand, he leaned over and kissed her on each cheek. ‘But you close your eyes. It’s late and sleep is really important when your body needs to fix itself.’

Moving into a more comfortable seated position, Dan leaned against the side of Ruby’s bed and promised not to leave until she’d nodded off.

Thank goodness she’s all right, he thought, his heart swelling with the love he felt for his precious daughter.

As he sat there, silent in the dark bedroom, Dan’s eyes grew heavy.

Next thing he knew, he was woken by a gentle tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Maria holding a finger to her lips. ‘Come on,’ she whispered, signalling for him to follow her out of the room.

Once on the landing, he asked: ‘How long was I—’

‘Only a few minutes.’

‘Sorry. She wanted me to stay until she fell asleep.’

‘Don’t worry. Listen, I’m going to get changed. Fancy a drink before you go? If you’re not too tired.’

Pleasantly surprised, Dan stifled a yawn. ‘Um, sure.’

‘I’ve no beer, but there’s a bottle of white in the fridge.’

‘Great.’

‘Help yourself. I’m going to freshen up.’

‘No problem. Would you like a glass too?’

‘Are you kidding? I could down the bottle in one.’

‘I’ll make it a large, then.’

She joined him in the kitchen a few minutes later, make-up free, wearing jogging bottoms and a hoodie. It was quite a comedown from the outfit she’d been wearing before, which had been the most dressy he’d seen her in ages.

‘Comfy?’ he asked with a grin, fully awake again now.

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’

He was thinking back to when she used to dress up, not down, for him. But he stopped himself from saying so. Things between them right now were the most amicable they’d been in ages. Showing up at the hospital had earned him precious brownie points. No point ruining it.

‘The outfit you had on earlier was really nice,’ he added. ‘That’s all.’

She squinted at him over the kitchen table. ‘And now I look a mess.’

‘That’s not what I said. I was paying you a compliment.’

He stopped short of accusing her of twisting his words. That would definitely lead to an argument.

She stared at him for a moment. He imagined the cogs of her mind whirring behind her beautiful hazel eyes. They’d once beamed pure love at him. Now they were more often than not a tool of accusation; of anger and frustration. Maybe even hate, although he hoped not. He couldn’t bear to think that things between them had veered so far off course. They’d been so good together. Under normal circumstances, he was sure they’d still be happily married. But what they’d been through was enough to tear apart even the strongest of unions.

She sighed. ‘I’m tired. It’s been a long day.’

‘No problem,’ he replied, pleasantly surprised. He couldn’t recall the last time Maria had backed down like that.

They’d not discussed the accident in front of Ruby for fear of upsetting her. But now she was out of earshot, Dan was keen to know what had happened.

‘I didn’t see it,’ Maria explained. ‘She was playing on the stairs, which she knows she shouldn’t have been doing. I was in the kitchen.’

Dan knew that had their roles been reversed, Maria would have made a big issue of the whole “playing on the stairs” thing. He’d have been blamed for letting Ruby do it and accused of not paying enough attention. But he knew the reality: Ruby was eight and didn’t always do as she was told. You couldn’t watch children constantly at that age. You had to give them space to learn through making mistakes.

‘Which friend was she playing with?’ he asked. ‘Anyone I know?’

‘Um, no. A girl called Anna. She’s new in Ruby’s class. Recently moved to the area.’

‘Really? Great. What’s she like?’

‘Nice.’

‘Did she come by herself or with her mum?’

Maria looked to the floor and scratched her forehead in that way Dan knew she did when she was uncomfortable. ‘Um. With her dad, actually. Rick.’

‘Oh, right. I see.’

Dan did his best not to look surprised, irritated even. But he could see from Maria’s expression that he’d failed. He’d never had much of a poker face.

‘What?’ she asked defensively. ‘It’s not that unusual these days for a father to pick his kids up from school, you know.’

‘I never said it was. If you remember, I did it more than you when we were both working.’

‘You’re having a go at me for staying at home now?’

‘What are you on about?’

‘I heard the tone in your voice: derogatory, like I’m not as good as you, because I choose to be a full-time mum. You can jump off that high horse right now. Your earnings don’t come close to what mine used to be. And if it wasn’t for the money from my parents—’