S.D. Robertson - If Ever I Fall

Yes, you heard me right. She and Anna were playing some game that involved them sliding down the stairs and Ruby ended up tripping and falling from top to bottom. I’d not realised what they were doing until then. Otherwise I’d have stopped them. But there was no ignoring the awful thumping sound she made on the way down. Nor the piercing scream that followed once her bone snapped.

She was lying in a heap in the hallway when I found her, Rick and I having raced through from the kitchen. Her skin had turned a deathly pallor somewhere between grey and white and she was shaking. I’m glad it turned out just to be her arm, to be honest. My first impression was that it could be much worse.

‘Oh my God,’ I found myself shouting, panic rising in my chest. ‘What on earth’s going on?’

Anna, who was looking down from the top of the stairs in terror, burst into tears again. Then I snapped into action and focused on how best to help my daughter.

Rick, I have to say, was useless at this point, which surprised me. Rather than helping, he beckoned Anna downstairs and pulled her to one side, looking queasy. Some people aren’t good with that kind of thing, I suppose. It wasn’t like there was blood all over the place, but Ruby’s right arm – thank goodness she’s left-handed – was very obviously broken. It was bent all out of shape between the wrist and the elbow. I was going to pieces inside, believe me, but somehow I found the strength to keep on going. There was no time to be squeamish. No time to over-think things and let that hyperactive brain of mine find some way to cripple me. My daughter needed me. Your maternal instinct kicks in at these moments and you do whatever’s required.

I knew I had to get her to A&E as soon as possible. Rick offered to come, but I could tell he didn’t really want to. Squeamish folk don’t tend to be big hospital fans. ‘No, no,’ I told him as I tried to calm Ruby down and get her into the car. ‘There’s really no need. We’ll be stuck there for hours. You’ve already had enough hassle today.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes. You get Anna home.’

‘We’ve not had the best afternoon, have we?’

I gave him a pursed smile, willing him to go, so I could concentrate on my daughter. ‘Not really.’

‘Never mind. There’s always next time.’

‘Sure.’

Anyhow, we went to hospital and, as predicted, it took ages. You can understand now, Sam, why I didn’t find time to write to you yesterday. I—

Got to go. Ruby’s calling. Write tomorrow.

Love as always,

M

Xx

The phone on Dan’s desk rang, jangling loudly through the newsroom.

He looked at the clock: 5.45 p.m. Shit.

‘Yes?’

‘Hello, Dan. It’s Susan on reception. I’m sorry to bother you when you’re on deadline. It’s your wife. She says it’s urgent.’

He felt like correcting her and saying ‘ex-wife’, although technically that wasn’t the case. They were still married, but only on paper. Why was she calling him now? Better than a last-minute story coming through, which was what he’d feared, but not by much. It was never good news when she called these days.

‘You’d better put her through,’ he told Susan.

‘Right. Here she is.’

‘Hello?’

‘It’s Maria.’

‘I know. What can I do for you?’

‘There’s been an accident. I’m at A&E with Ruby.’

That got his attention. ‘What? Is she all right?’

‘Not really. She’s broken her arm.’

‘You’re joking. How?’

‘She fell down the stairs. She was playing with a friend.’

‘Bloody hell, Maria. How bad is it?’

‘I’m not a doctor, Dan. All I know so far is that the arm’s broken.’

Why did she always have to be so offhand with him? Dan wondered. His eyes drifted from the keypad of the desk phone to a half-finished mug of coffee that had long since gone cold. ‘Trust me, I’m a journalist!’ was printed on the side – a gift from Maria back in the good old days.

‘Which hospital are you at?’ he asked.

‘St Joseph’s. We only got here about half an hour ago. We’ll be ages yet.’

‘Can I talk to her?’

‘Hold on.’

There was a pause as Maria spoke to Ruby. All Dan could hear was a hospital announcement in the background.

‘She doesn’t want to,’ Maria said a moment later. ‘She’s in a lot of pain.’

‘Oh. Listen, I’d come to the hospital, but—’

‘But what?’

‘It’s Wednesday, Maria.’

She knew full well what that meant: deadline night for all three of his papers. But she was clearly in no mood for cutting him any slack.

‘Of course. Work comes first. What was I thinking?’

‘Don’t be like that. I’ll get out of here as soon as I can, but you know how it is. You said yourself there’s nothing to do but wait.’

‘Right.’

‘Thanks for letting me know.’

‘You’re her father.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Dan sighed. ‘Listen, I’ll call you in a bit when I’m done. See where you’re up to.’

‘Whatever.’

‘Come on, Maria. Don’t be like that. Are you sure she won’t speak to me?’

‘I have to go. Someone’s coming over.’

‘Wait … Hello?’ Damn. She’d hung up on him. Most of their phone calls seemed to end that way nowadays. Being separated was hard work – especially when a child was involved.

Was it unreasonable of him not to down tools and race over to the hospital immediately? Was that what most fathers would do? Probably, but he was so bloody busy. He found it so tough to strike the right balance with Ruby. The temptation, of course, was to wrap her up in cotton wool; do everything to keep her safe; pander to her every need. That was Maria’s way, but Dan knew it would only make Ruby more vulnerable in the long run. Wouldn’t they be better preparing her for the harsh realities she’d face later in life? Wasn’t that the best way to—

‘Smoke?’

He looked up to see Maurice standing next to his desk, a freshly rolled cigarette tucked behind one ear. There was a smile stretched across his ruddy face and he looked as laid-back as ever.

‘I’ve even got my own today,’ he said.

‘So I see.’

‘I can roll one for you too, if you like. Might as well take advantage while I have some baccy.’

‘No, thanks. I’ll stick to my Marlboro Lights. I will join you, though. I could do with a break.’

‘Good stuff.’

Maurice, who was in his late forties, had wavy salt and pepper hair that got increasingly messy the longer he spent at work. He was great company: a magnetic character, liked by everyone in the office. He was good at his job and fazed by nothing. Mostly, though, it was his easy manner that people warmed to; his ability to focus on whoever he was talking to and make them feel important. He’d listen and empathise in a way that made them want to confide in him, like they had a special relationship. It was quite the gift and especially useful as a bachelor. Despite his average looks, he always seemed to have several girlfriends on the go at once. Not that he’d ever boast about the fact; that wasn’t his style. He was more likely to look embarrassed than proud if someone brought it up.

‘Are you all right, mate?’ he asked Dan as they took the lift downstairs. ‘You look troubled.’

‘I had my wife on the phone. Ruby’s at A&E. She fell down the stairs and broke her arm.’

‘Oh, no. That’s awful. How’s she doing?’

‘Well, she’ll be there a while, by the sound of things.’

‘Are you getting out of here, then?’

‘I doubt it. Not for a few hours, anyway. I’ve still got loads to tie up. These things always happen on deadline day, don’t they?’