Katerina Diamond - Truth or Die

‘Text me when your shift ends,’ she said as she walked out.

Adrian had found himself noticing more and more how difficult he found things when Imogen wasn’t there; it was as if something was missing, or there was something he was forgetting, like he had left the oven on. There was always a part of his mind that was aware when she wasn’t around, and it wasn’t happy about that at all. He pushed the feeling aside and went to help Denise.

All in all, the night passed without much beyond the usual; in fact it was unusually quiet for Valentine’s Day. He sat mostly in silence, occasionally grunting a response when someone called his name, or when someone was brought in. Still, Adrian was grateful that he wasn’t at a loose end this evening. He couldn’t handle the endless whirring of his brain; he needed a break from thinking about himself and his situation. He had never been a strong believer in depression, but it was certainly knocking on his door, trying to get a hold of him.

‘Thanks for agreeing to this. I wasn’t sure if you would have plans,’ Denise said to him.

‘Nope, no plans.’

There was a pause, awkward, too long to be natural.

‘You could come over to mine when we’ve finished if you want … no strings,’ Denise said, a cheeky smile on her face, the kind of smile that had worked on him several times in the past.

‘Um, wow, thanks, but I think I have a migraine brewing.’ Strange that she would proposition him now; maybe it was just the idea of being alone. Valentine’s Day seemed to magnify any feelings of loneliness in everyone; Adrian knew because he could feel it, too.

‘I thought maybe you wanted to get together, I thought that’s why you agreed to do this.’

‘Denise, you know I like you a lot, but I’m just not in the right headspace to be in a relationship right now, no strings or otherwise.’

‘Oh. Sorry I brought it up. Let’s get back to work. No big deal.’ Her face was flushed, easy to see against her porcelain skin and bleached bob; the pink shone through like sunburn. She seemed embarrassed at her assumption and shut down completely.

Just then, the station door opened and one of the uniformed officers walked in, dragging a sullen-looking boy behind him, his face white with a tinge of green. The boy looked up and grinned at them both behind the counter, then projectile vomited against the window. Both Adrian and Denise jumped back to avoid the spray, stopped abruptly by the clear wall of glass, all that was between them and a shower of gloopy stomach contents.

Adrian groaned to himself. Why did he volunteer for this?

‘Who’s this charmer then?’ he asked.

‘Name’s Finn Blackwell,’ the constable said, ‘student up at the uni, caught him driving the wrong way around a roundabout. We had to breathalyse him and he’s well over the limit. We’ve brought him in to sober up.’

‘Whereabouts?’

‘Marsh Barton. No one around, but you know.’

‘Well that was silly, wasn’t it, Finn?’ Adrian said as Denise scribbled down the information. The glass had become almost clear as the pale brown gelatinous liquid pooled at the bottom of the counter and over the edge onto the floor.

‘I do apologise,’ the boy said with a sarcastic wobble of his head.

‘How old are you?’

‘I’m nineteen. Twenty in August. You interested, darling?’ He winked at Denise, who just rolled her eyes and continued writing.

‘Chuck him in number four while we get this cleaned up,’ Adrian said.

The constable took Finn Blackwell through to the holding cells.

‘I don’t know what’s going on up at that university,’ Denise said.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, last week I had a couple of other incidents up there. A kid was arrested for possession. A couple of disturbances – nothing major, just a little unusual. Then, of course, there was that idiot Toby Hoare, who climbed up the cathedral and fell off.’ She still wouldn’t look Adrian in the eye.

‘Look, Denise, about earlier.’

‘Please, don’t mention it,’ she said. He could tell from her tone that she meant it.

‘I’m going to get this cleaned up,’ Adrian said. He did regret their previous fling a little; he had used her, and he wasn’t proud of it. Just because she’d let him didn’t make it any better. He knew he couldn’t be that person any more. Adrian needed to be better, he wanted to be better and he couldn’t quite put his finger on why.

Imogen felt comfortable in black; it suited her. It seemed strange to have picked out her dress the day before; she could only imagine what her mother would have said about it. An insult disguised as a compliment: how it would look nicer if it was longer, or shorter, or a different colour. But not the way it was, never the way it was. It was the same with everything; Imogen always thought that one day she would be good enough, would do something right. Not today though, never today.

She tried not to be resentful of her mother on the day of her funeral, but the anger she felt towards her was not something she ever thought would go away. She didn’t know why either, not really. Her mother had made a lot of questionable life decisions, but Imogen wasn’t unhappy with the person she had grown up to be. It seemed unfair that she should feel this way about the one member of her family who had always been there for her, but there was no changing it, there was always just this low level of anger. She couldn’t pinpoint when it had started, either. The mother who raised her probably did the best she could.

Then there was her absent father, reconnected now but a figment of her imagination for most of her life. She didn’t have all those petty squabbles or embarrassing moments to refer back to, there was no point of reference, no resentment bubbling under the surface for years and years. He was just not there. She knew how difficult her mother was; if she told her father she didn’t want him having a relationship with Imogen, then it explained why he hadn’t been around. Irene Grey had a knack for getting her own way. Imogen felt like maybe she should hate her father for not being there. But she didn’t; she blamed her mother for it instead.

She smoothed her dress down with the palms of her hands. She didn’t even know if anyone would see her in it, apart from her father, Elias. She hadn’t invited Adrian to the funeral as she felt that it would add an extra dimension of complication to their already complex relationship. She had invited the friends of her mother’s that she knew about and just hoped that word would spread, because her mother’s life was a mystery to her. She probably knew her mother as well as her mother knew her, which wasn’t that well at all. Even though she had visited her frequently, her mum had always been into something new, some new hobby or collection or charity. Imogen had tuned most of it out. She wished her mother was there now and she would listen, she would take an interest in what she was saying and not just fob her off and look for an excuse to leave.