Susan Howatch - Absolute Truths

‘Douglas Markhampton.’

‘Precisely. Now, Douglas has a new girlfriend who works at Christie’s – and when I say “works” I don’t mean she’s just a typist. She’s one of those wonderful American girls who can be tremendously high-powered while still looking radiantly sexy –’

‘I didn’t know you liked that type.’

‘Admire it from afar, old chap – too terrified to do anything else. Well, this American girl, whose name I can’t quite remember but I think it’s Marilyn or Merrilee or maybe even Mary-Lou, told Douglas that since his grandmother lived in the Close at Starbridge, she might be interested to hear that a number of rare books from the Cathedral library were coming up for auction.’

‘ What? ’

‘Wait, it gets worse. Douglas was sure Mary-Lou had made a mistake, so he phoned another chum of his at Christie’s who said yes, it was true but the story was top secret at present and Mary-Lou should be shot at dawn for pillow-talk. Douglas then phoned me out of sheer curiosity to ask if I’d heard anything on the ecclesiastical grapevine – with the result that I rushed hot-foot to his antique shop in St James’s, lured him to White’s and plied him with drink until finally he divulged the most top-secret top secret of the lot: according to this other chum of his at Christie’s, the star turn at the auction is going to be none other than that fabulously rare manuscript which you always get so sentimental about – the one containing the margin-painting of the cat with a mouse in its mouth.’

‘Great Scott, the St Anselm masterpiece!’ I sprang to my feet.

‘Whoa there, Charles, calm down –’

‘But Aysgarth can’t possibly sell that! Good heavens, if he’s trying to sell off the Cathedral treasures behind my back, I’ll –’

By this time Jack had flagged down a passing waiter. ‘A brandy for the Bishop, please.’

I just managed to remember my afternoon committee meeting and amend the order to a second sherry. Jack ordered another pink gin and begged me to sit down again before I had apoplexy.

Sinking back into my chair I said: ‘I simply can’t believe Aysgarth would do this.’

‘No? But if he’s strapped for cash –’

‘If the Cathedral’s so strapped for cash that he needs to sell the St Anselm manuscript, I should have been told there was a major financial crisis. Why, it’s as if the Queen had decided to sell off the Crown Jewels in order to repair the Tower of London! What on earth can be going on?’

‘Maybe Aysgarth’s being blackmailed by some gorgeous popsy with the result that he’s embarked on a criminal career to make ends meet.’

I tried to smile but failed. I could only manage to comment: ‘I’ll say this for Aysgarth: he’s no fool. Or in other words, I don’t believe he’d ever get in a financial mess which could be described as embezzlement, and I don’t believe he’d ever cultivate a friendship with the sort of woman who’s capable of blackmail.’ I stood up again. ‘I must get hold of Malcolm.’

‘I do wish you’d have a brandy, old chap. No bishop should try to survive this sort of crisis on sherry alone,’ said Jack solicitously, but I was already rushing off in search of a telephone.

Malcolm proved to be out. I phoned Nigel Farr in Starmouth but he was out too. Finally I tried to speak to Lyle but without success. In frustration I returned to my host.

‘Maybe I should talk to Christie’s and try to arrange for the books to be held back,’ I said. ‘When’s the auction?’

‘I don’t know, but it can’t be imminent because Mary-Lou’s still working on the catalogue. Look, toss back the Tio and let’s eat before you pass out as the result of shock and lack of nourishment.’

We took our places in the dining-room. In the interval between the mulligatawny soup and the roast beef I retired to the telephone again and this time I found Malcolm at home.

‘It can’t possibly be true,’ was his reaction to the news.

‘I’m afraid Jack’s sources really do suggest this isn’t just a preposterous rumour. What do you think’s going on?’

‘A financial mess a mile high, but what beats me, Charles, is how Aysgarth imagines he can get away with this scheme! Does he really think he can sell the St Anselm manuscript on the quiet? As soon as the catalogue’s issued, all the art correspondents will be trumpeting the news in the press!’

‘Meanwhile I’m baffled by the Canons’ silence. Do you think they know nothing of this? I mean, is such ignorance by a Chapter actually possible?’

‘Must be. If they knew, they‘d have tipped us off.’

‘But how can he keep them in ignorance when under the Cathedral statutes he can’t do anything without their consent?’

‘Oh, he wouldn’t let the statutes bother him! Think of how he commissioned that pornographic sculpture single-handed in 1963 – the sculptress only had to bat her eyelashes at him over the dry martinis, and immediately all memory of the Cathedral statutes was wiped from his mind! The truth is Aysgarth’s quite capable of acting on his own and then bullying the Canons into ratifying his actions later.’

‘At least there’s no woman involved this time.’

‘What makes you so sure?’

The operator intervened to ask for more money. ‘Talk to you later,’ I said to Malcolm, and replaced the receiver.

Returning to the dining-room I found the roast beef waiting for me alongside a glass of claret. ‘Sorry,’ I said to Jack. ‘I’ll now stop wrecking our lunch.’

‘I rather think I was the one who did the wrecking. How many strokes did the Archdeacon have?’

‘He somehow managed to stay conscious. Look, Jack, can I ask you to sit on this story for a day or two while I find out exactly what’s going on? I suppose it’s always possible that there’s an innocent explanation.’

‘You mean maybe there’s no financial mess and that Aysgarth’s merely taken a dislike to priceless medieval manuscripts?’

‘I mean,’ I said severely as he shook with laughter, ‘that Douglas’s chum at Christie’s could have got hold of the wrong end of the stick. Someone might have said to him: “Forget the St Anselm manuscript,” and he might have thought the sentence was: “We’ll get the St Anselm manuscript.” Maybe the Dean and Chapter are only disposing of a few books of minimal importance.’

‘All right, old chap, check the story at your end, but make sure you keep me posted – and make sure you don’t delay too long or you’ll have all the hounds of Fleet Street baying at your door. Much better for you and everyone else connected with the Cathedral if those vulgar beasts are tastefully scooped by the Church Gazette.’

But before he could sketch further details of this nightmare, I diverted the conversation into another channel.

My afternoon committee meeting should have been of interest to me because it concerned my special subject, religious education, but by that time I hardly felt capable of concentrating on it. The committee’s title was The Church of England’s Working Party on Education in Theological Colleges, known as CEWPET (even as CUPID by the facetious new Bishop of Radbury), and I was the chairman. The meeting that day was to discuss an interim report which I was due to make to the Church Assembly later that month, and I intended to announce my unswerving belief that the purpose of theological colleges was to train men for the priesthood by giving them a thorough grounding in Christian history, doctrine, literature and liturgy so that they could proclaim the Gospel cogently and conduct a well-ordered service of worship. This aim might seem very obvious to an outsider, but within the Church fierce debates raged about reforming the traditional syllabus. It was all part of the general debate about how far the Church should modernise itself in order to speak intelligibly to twentieth-century man.