Cathy Glass - Innocent

Certain details in this story, including names, places and dates, have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

HarperElement

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London SE1 9GF

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First published by HarperElement 2019

FIRST EDITION

Text © Cathy Glass 2019

Cover layout design © HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 2019

Cover photograph © Voisin/Phanie/Getty Images (stock photo posed by models)

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Cathy Glass asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008341985

Ebook Edition © September 2019 ISBN: 9780008341992

Version: 2019-10-01

1 Cover

2 Title Page

3 Copyright

4 Contents

5 Acknowledgements

6 Chapter One: Traumatized

7 Chapter Two: Chaos

8 Chapter Three: Disturbed Night

9 Chapter Four: Good Mother

10 Chapter Five: Distressing

11 Chapter Six: I Want Mummy

12 Chapter Seven: Sick

13 Chapter Eight: Need to Know?

14 Chapter Nine: Sick Again

15 Chapter Ten: Bonding

16 Chapter Eleven: Exasperated and Worried

17 Chapter Twelve: Play Nicely

18 Chapter Thirteen: Not Responsible

19 Chapter Fourteen: Hospital

20 Chapter Fifteen: A Breakthrough?

21 Chapter Sixteen: My Fault

22 Chapter Seventeen: Accused

23 Chapter Eighteen: Leaving

24 Chapter Nineteen: Shocking

25 Chapter Twenty: Beyond Belief

26 Chapter Twenty-One: No Contact

27 Chapter Twenty-Two: Love the Children

28 Chapter Twenty-Three: Disclosure

29 Chapter Twenty-Four: The Wonder of Christmas

30 Chapter Twenty-Five: Aneta

31 Chapter Twenty-Six: Permanent?

32 Chapter Twenty-Seven: Judge’s Decision

33 Chapter Twenty-Eight: Saying Goodbye

34 Afterword

35 Suggested topics for reading-group discussion

36 Cathy Glass

37 If you loved this book …

38 Moving Memoirs eNewsletter

39 Praise for Cathy Glass

40 About the Publisher

Landmarks CoverFrontmatterStart of ContentBackmatter

List of Pages v vi vii 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 707172737475767778798081828384858687888990919293949596979899100101102103104105106107108109110111112113114115116117118119120121122123124125126127128129130131132133134135136137138139140141142143144145146147148149150151152153154155156157158159160161162163164165166167168169170171172173174175176177178179180181182183184185186187188189190191192193194195196197198199200201202203204205206207208209210211212213214215216217218219220221222223224225226227228229230231232233234235236237238239240241242243244245246247248249250251252253254255256257258259260261262263264265266267268269270271272273274275276277278279280281282283284285286287288289290291292293294295296297298299300301302303304305 307 309

A big thank you to my family; my editors, Carolyn and Holly; my literary agent, Andrew; my UK publishers HarperCollins, and my overseas publishers who are now too numerous to list by name. Last, but definitely not least, a big thank you to my readers for your unfailing support and kind words. They are much appreciated.

Chapter One

Thank goodness I didn’t have to witness their anguish and upset, I thought. I was sure I wouldn’t have coped. It was bad enough knowing it was happening – two young children about to be taken from their parents and brought into care. During the twenty-five years I’d been fostering I’d seen a lot of changes, but the raw grief of a family torn apart didn’t get any easier. I could imagine the children screaming and crying and clinging to their distraught parents as they tried to say goodbye. My heart ached for them. I also had sympathy for the social worker who was doing a very difficult job. No one wants to take children from their parents, but sometimes there is no alternative if they are to be safe.

It was now nearly two o’clock in the afternoon and I was standing in what would shortly be the children’s bedroom. I could have put the cot in my room, but I was sure Kit, only eighteen months old, would be happier sleeping with his sister Molly, who was three and a half. Doubtless she too would find comfort in having her younger brother close. Fostering guidelines on bedroom sharing vary slightly from one local authority to another, but generally siblings of the opposite sex can share a bedroom up to the age of five.

Molly and Kit were coming to me as an emergency placement. Stevie, fifteen (whose story I told in Finding Stevie ), had left at the end of August and now, a few days later, at the start of September, I was preparing myself and the house for the arrival of these two little ones, who were certainly going to be distraught. Sometimes taking children into care can be done with the cooperation of their parents, voluntarily, which is known as ‘accommodated’ or a Section 20. It’s usually considered the better option, as the parents retain legal responsibility for their children and the process is less distressing for all involved. But that couldn’t happen here, so the social services had gone to court that morning to ask the judge for a care order to remove the children from home and bring them to me.

Edith, my supervising social worker, had telephoned at 11 a.m. to tell me to expect the children if the care order was granted. The reason for the social services’ application was that one of the children (she didn’t know which one) had suffered what was thought to be a non-accidental injury. That meant that someone – presumably one or both of the parents – had harmed the child. Apart from this and their ages, Edith didn’t have any more details. I would learn more when their social worker brought the children to me later today.

As soon as I’d finished speaking to Edith I’d gone into the loft and brought down all the early-years equipment I’d stored away there, including a cot, pushchair, car seats and boxes full of toys, all of which I’d wrapped in polythene to keep them clean after the last time I’d used them many years before. I’d struggled to get them down and to assemble the cot on my own, but my family were all out and I didn’t dare leave it until they returned in the evening. Adrian, aged twenty-four, and Lucy, twenty-two, were at work, and Paula, twenty, was at college. I was a single parent, my husband having run off with a younger work colleague when the children were little. Very upsetting at the time but history now.