Jacqui Rose - Sinner

Triggered again, Franny’s hostility returned as she stared at Bree, seeing the dark rings underneath her eyes. The old life that Bree was referring to was with her ex-husband, Johnny, who along with his mother, Ma Dwyer, had abused Bree and kept her a virtual slave. And it’d been when she was still married to him, and on one of the few occasions he had let Bree out, that Bree had bumped into Alfie after not seeing him since she was a teenager.

Though what happened next was something that none of them could’ve predicted. Alfie believed that Franny had left him and stolen his and Vaughn’s money, and wasn’t coming back, and Bree was desperate for someone to take care of her. Alfie and Bree had quickly got together, wanting each other to help heal their broken hearts.

And of course, it had been a shock. A real shock when she had finally returned to Essex to explain the truth to Alfie about what had really happened with his money, to find out that he had already set up with Bree. It had felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. Hurting her more than she cared to admit. So she had done what she always did when something hurt her; she had put up her defenses, coming across as cold and unfeeling. And she was good at doing that. What she wasn’t good at was feeling, and especially feeling hurt. But being numb to pain was just how she liked it, and that way it was easier for her to forgive Alfie for breaking her heart.

Surprisingly, amid the mess of it all, her and Bree’s friendship had blossomed and when Bree had discovered she was pregnant, more than likely with Alfie’s baby – though there was a possibility it was Johnny’s – Bree had been somewhere between happy and scared.

Bree had told her that she wanted the baby but hadn’t wanted the lifestyle that came with Alfie, and she of all people had understood that, because even though she’d been born into this life of crime, there were times, many times , that she wished she could get away herself.

Her heart had gone out to Bree, and of course she’d wanted to help, but both of them knew if Bree did go through with the pregnancy, Alfie would never just let her leave with his child to get on with life as she wanted to. So they’d, or rather she’d come up with the plan to allow Bree to have her baby in peace. And it’d seemed so simple at first: tell Alfie that Bree had lost the baby, and then afterwards she would help Bree get a flat so she could get on with her life, and she would get on with her life with Alfie, and everything would go back to the way it was. Though the best laid plans always had a way of messing up.

And the way she saw it, Bree had a lot to do with it all going wrong by not having the patience to see this out. All Bree seemed to do now was put pressure on her, something she just didn’t need.

Sighing with exasperation, Franny snapped again, ‘What are you talking about? Why are you talking about being a prisoner? This is nothing like your old life. You’ve got everything here. And don’t forget you were part of this plan as much as I was. You agreed to it all. I never forced you, Bree, you wanted this. But now you’re making out like I’m the bad guy here.’

‘I’m not. It’s just that before Mia was born, it was okay staying here, but it’s got worse and worse. This wasn’t the plan, Franny, this …’

‘You’re right, this wasn’t the plan, because the plan never included you being so ungrateful.’

Bree’s face crumpled. ‘I am grateful, Franny, though whether you like it or not, I’m a virtual prisoner. You’ve got to see this is messed up. It isn’t right.’

Franny cut in, refusing to feel guilty when all she was doing was trying to help. Her anger rose as she bounced Mia gently on her shoulder. ‘What I see is I’ve put everything on the line for you. I pay everything for you, I’ve even got Vaughn wanting to go through the accounts because I’ve been taking money from the club right under their noses. And you know as well as I do that if Alfie found out what I’d done, he’d kill me. You do realise that don’t you? But all I seem to get from you is complaints. What do you want from me, Bree? Don’t you understand how much I’m risking by doing all this? I’ve literally done everything possible to make your life easier, and all it’s done is make my life harder. Jesus, Bree, I’m even paying for your other daughter to go to boarding school in Ireland until … well until you get your life sorted.’

‘You mean, until Alfie goes away.’

Angrily, Franny nodded. ‘Yeah, I do mean that, but that’s just the way it is.’

‘But he may never decide to go. Have you thought about that? And what then? Am I supposed to be stuck here forever?’

Fuming, her tension headache returning, Franny’s face turned red. ‘For Christ’s sake, Bree, don’t whine. Alfie will go, just trust me.’

‘How?’

‘Look, I’m working on it okay? That’s all you need to know, and then you can have all the freedom you want, but for now I’m doing this to not only protect myself but you as well. I’m protecting you, Bree, never forget that.’

The two women fell silent, but Franny continued to stare hard at Bree, resenting the pressure she was under.

In one way she understood what Bree was saying, but unfortunately, these things took time. She knew Alfie needed to go away and that’s why she’d kept encouraging him, but she had to be clever about it; Alfie wasn’t stupid, and Bree complaining about it wasn’t going to make it happen any quicker.

She just wished Bree could stop being so selfish and realise she was doing all this for her. All this because of Bree … and of course Mia … yes, baby Mia, she would do anything for her, which in itself was strange, because she didn’t think she’d ever get attached to a baby … To Mia.

She’d never cared that she wasn’t able to have children herself, and she’d certainly never felt anything like love for other people’s children, until now that was. And it made her feel odd, as if she wasn’t in control of her own emotions – which she was always able to keep in check. But somehow, Mia felt part of her, and she honestly didn’t know why, but what she did know was that, for Mia’s sake, she had to make this situation work. But it was getting more and more difficult by the day, and she could feel the pressure coming in from every angle. Vaughn, who didn’t trust her before, trusted her even less now. He was on to her big time.

But whatever happened, she knew Alfie could never find out what she was doing. He would kill her, and not just say it or threaten it, he would actually go through with it. Although she was a woman, she knew the rules of the life they led. Betrayal and lies came with consequences.

But she’d sacrificed too much already for it to go wrong now, and besides, what would Mia do without her? Yes, she had Bree, but Mia needed someone stronger than Bree to look out for her in life. Loving her was one thing, but loving her and being strong was something entirely different.

Trying not to let her exasperation get the better of her, Franny broke the silence. ‘Bree, have a little bit more patience, okay? It’s going to work out one way or another so just try to remember that everything’s for you. Everything I’m doing here is for you.’

‘I wonder sometimes.’

Infuriated by Bree again, Franny paced the floor. Her voice was scornful as she asked, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Looking pale, Bree swallowed hard before speaking quietly. ‘You’re always so angry with me and you seem … you seem to be more interested in Mia than me.’