Jacqui Rose - Sinner

He moved nearer, crouching down to the girl. ‘You don’t look it, love – is there anybody you want me to call?’

Shannon shook her head, wishing the person would just disappear. She wasn’t in the mood for chat, especially from some posh-looking geezer. Not that he sounded posh; he sounded as common as she did. Still it was obvious by the way he dressed that he had a bit of money.

Looking worried, Alfie spoke again. ‘ Please , there must be something I can do.’

‘Yeah, piss off!’

Unoffended and clearly not one to be put off, he tried again. ‘Have you been here all night? Look, you can’t stay here.’

A flash of annoyance crossed Shannon’s face. ‘I can do what I bleedin’ want, mate – who are you anyway, the park police? No, you ain’t, so now you’ve done your do-gooding, you can fuck right off and leave me alone.’

He grinned. ‘Fiery ain’t you?’

‘Nosy, ain’t you?’

‘What’s your name?’

Shannon curled up her face in a sneer but instantaneously regretted it as pain shot through her injured lip. ‘What’s yours?’

‘I’m Alfie.’

Shannon shrugged, her voice dripping with sarcasm. ‘Well that’s very nice for you, now like I said before, Alfie , can you piss off?’

‘You look cold.’ And without waiting for a reply, Alfie took off his jacket and tried to wrap it round Shannon’s shoulders, but she scurried away, pushing herself back against the tree. ‘My name ain’t Oxfam, you know. I don’t need your skanky jacket.’

Alfie laughed. The jacket in question had cost him a couple of grand. At the thought of it, he laughed again, something he couldn’t remember doing for a long time. ‘Then why don’t you just tell me your name, and after that, I can buy you a cup of tea. You’ve made me laugh, which I can’t remember doing for a long time, so it’s the least I can do for you.’

Shannon scowled. ‘Am I some sort of fucking joke to you?’

Lighting up yet another cigarette, Alfie shook his head. ‘No, of course not. I like you, that’s all.’

‘Weirdo, you don’t even know me. You going to give me one of them or what?’ Shannon gestured to Alfie’s cigarettes. He handed her the box and with her dirty, bitten-down fingernails she grabbed one eagerly, putting it into her swollen mouth before allowing Alfie to light it for her.

‘So, are you going to let me buy you something to eat then?’

Shannon, feeling more at ease with this stranger, cocked her head as she looked at Alfie. ‘No, but you could give me a tenner.’

‘Why do you want a tenner?’

‘Cos I ain’t got one.’

Going into his pocket, Alfie pulled out a wad of money. He winked at her. ‘That’s a good enough reason as any. I like a person who can be straight.’

Amazed, Shannon said, ‘You’re really going to give me ten quid?’

‘Yeah, that’s what you asked for isn’t it?’

She looked at Alfie suspiciously. ‘I’m not giving you a blow job if that’s what you’re after; for starters I charge twenty quid, but anyhow, my mouth hurts too much to do it.’

Alfie shook his head sadly. ‘No, darlin’, that’s not what I’m looking for … I tell you what, why don’t you take this.’

‘Fifty quid!’ Shannon looked at the money and then at Alfie, then back at the money before saying, ‘You really are weird, mate. Is this how you get off, get your kicks?’

Alfie laughed again. ‘It certainly isn’t.’

‘But no one gives money away for nothing.’

It was Alfie’s turn to shrug. ‘I do. Go on, darlin’, just take it.’

As he pushed the money into her hand, caught underneath the ten-pound notes was a piece of paper. It fluttered down to the muddy ground. Frowning, Alfie picked it up but when he did so he physically recoiled as if an electric bolt had gone through him. His head swam, and a wave of nausea passed over him. He’d forgotten he had one of the letters in his pocket.

Spotting the change in Alfie’s demeanour, and seeing how ashen he’d suddenly become, Shannon asked, ‘What’s that?’

Beginning to tremble, Alfie rubbed his chest, feeling the familiar tightness return as a cold sweat ran down his back. Scrunching the letter up and pushing it as far down in the pocket of his jeans as possible, Alfie tried to sound as casual as he could. ‘Nothing … it’s … it’s just a letter.’

‘Must be something bad to make you look like that. You’ve gone proper pale, mate. Go on, what is it?’

Glancing back at her, Alfie pulled himself together. ‘Now who’s the nosy one?’

Something like a shy smile touched the corners of Shannon’s mouth. It was the first time anyone had been nice to her in longer than she could remember. In fact, when she really thought about it, apart from Charlie giving her the odd free rock of crack now and then, there’d been no one in her life who had been particularly kind to her. The only thing she remembered of her mother was her being out of it on heroin. And as for her auntie who took her in, well, she would hardly describe her as the warmest of women.

Not wanting to think too much about the past, Shannon turned her attention back to Alfie, wiping her nose on the back of her hand as flakes of dried blood fell out of her nostrils. ‘Suit yourself, don’t tell me then.’

Changing the subject completely, Alfie asked, ‘How old are you anyway?’

Shannon paused, contemplating her reply, before confidently saying, ‘I’m twenty.’

‘You look younger than that.’

Trying to appear casual, Shannon shrugged again. ‘You asked me how old I was, not how old I looked, and I couldn’t care less if you believe me or not.’

Feeling the twinge in his knee from crouching, Alfie stood up. ‘Okay, well if I can’t persuade you to let me buy you a cup of tea, I’ll be off … But look after yourself, little miss nameless, and like I say, I’m Alfie, and if you ever need a chat or just somewhere to have a drink, pop into my club. It’s on Sutton Row. It’s just before you get to the corner of Falconberg Mews … And here, if you won’t take my jacket at least take my jumper. It’s going to be cold today.’

Back in Woolwich, Bree had made up her mind. Even though it was cold, the sun was shining through the window, and there was no way she was going to spend yet another afternoon cooped up inside.

Yes, she’d promised Franny not to go out, but then Franny had promised her that the days wouldn’t run into weeks and the weeks wouldn’t run into months. What was she expected to do? And besides, it wasn’t hurting anyone, not if she was careful, and one thing she was good at was being careful; she’d spent all her married life having to sneak and creep about, just so she was able to get out for a few hours here and there, so she was now somewhat expert at it.

Smiling at her daughter who was fast asleep in the cot, Bree picked her up, careful not to wake her as she wrapped her up tightly in a pink cashmere blanket. She gently placed her in the baby stroller Franny had bought from Harrods, when she’d first found out she was pregnant. Before things had got tense between them.

Checking she’d got her keys, Bree bounced Mia down the stairs in the stroller. At the bottom, before walking into the communal area, she took a deep breath. She shouldn’t feel guilty about going outside. There was nothing wrong with it, nothing at all. But then, why did she feel like she was doing something so bad? It wasn’t a crime, and it wasn’t Franny who had to stay indoors day in and day out, seeing and speaking to nobody, and as much as Franny refused to hear her when she said that living this way reminded her of her old life, that’s exactly what it felt like, and all the old triggers, all her old demons seemed like they were coming back.