Christy McKellen - Mills & Boon Showcase

‘You’re okay...’ That was all she could choke out.

He held her so tightly she thought he would bruise her ribs.

‘It wasn’t as bad as it looked. There’s just smoke damage out the back. It didn’t reach the books.’

He coughed. Dear heaven, had the smoke burned his throat?

Relief that he was alive morphed into anger that he’d put himself in such danger. She pulled back and pounded on his chest with her fists. ‘Why did you go in there? Why take the risk? Ida must have insurance. All that wood, all that paper... If it had ignited you could have been killed.’ Her voice hiccupped and she dissolved into tears again.

He caught her wrists with his damaged hands. ‘Because I thought you were in there.’

She stilled. ‘Me?’

‘You weren’t answering your phone. I was worried.’

The implication of his words slammed into her like the kind of fast, hard wave that knocked you down, leaving you to tumble over and over in the surf. His wife and son had been trapped inside a fire-ravaged building. What cruel fate had forced him to face such a scenario again? Suffer the fear that someone he cared for was inside?

She sniffed back her tears so she was able to speak. ‘I’d gone to visit Ida. To talk...to talk business with her.’ And to mull over what a future without kids might mean. ‘I’m so sorry. It was my fault you—’

‘It was my choice to go in there. I had to.’

His grip on her hands was so tight it hurt.

‘All I could think about was how it would be if I lost you.’

He let go her hands and stepped back.

Something was wrong with this scenario. His eyes, bluer than ever in the dark, smoke-dirtied frame of his face, were tense and unreadable. He fisted his hands by his sides.

She felt her stomach sink low with trepidation. ‘But you didn’t lose me, Ben. I’m here. I’m fine.’

‘But what if you hadn’t been? What if—?’

She fought to control the tremor in her voice. ‘I thought we’d decided not to play the “what-if?” game.’

Beads of sweat stood out on his forehead. ‘It was a shock.’

She heard the distant wail of a fire engine and was aware of people gathering at a distance from the shop.

Ben waved and called over to them. ‘Nothing to worry about. Just smoke—no fire.’

He wiped his hand over his face in a gesture of weariness and resignation that tore at her. A dark smear of soot swept right across his cheek.

‘Sandy, I need to let the fire department know they’re not needed. Then go get cleaned up.’

‘I’ll come with you,’ she said immediately.

This could be their last evening together.

He hesitated for just a second too long. ‘Why don’t you go back to the hotel and I’ll meet you there?’ he said.

One step forward and two steps back? Try ten steps forward and a hundred steps back.

‘Sure,’ she said, forcing the fear out of her voice.

He went to drop a kiss on her cheek but she averted it so the kiss landed on her mouth. She wound her arms around his neck, clung to him, willing him with her kiss to know how much she cared for him. How much she wanted it to work out.

‘Woo-hoo! Why don’t you guys get a room?’

The call—friendly, well-meant—came from one of the onlookers. She laughed, but Ben glared. She dropped her arms; he turned away.

So she wasn’t imagining the change in him.

She forced her voice to sound Sunny-Sandy-positive. ‘Okay. So I’ll see you back at the hotel.’

She headed back towards Hotel Harbourside, disorientated by a haunting sense of dread.

* * *

Ben hated the confusion and hurt on Sandy’s face. Hated that he was the cause of it. But he felt paralysed by the fear of losing her. He needed time to think without her distracting presence.

Thanks to this special woman he’d come a long way in the last few days. But what came next? Sandy deserved commitment. Certainty. But there were big issues to consider. Most of all the make-or-break question of children. He’d been used to managing only his own life. Now Sandy was here. And she’d want answers.

Answers he wasn’t sure he could give right now.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

SANDY WAS JUST about to turn in to the hotel entrance when she stopped. It wasn’t exactly anger towards Ben that made her pause. More annoyance that she was letting herself tiptoe around vital issues she and Ben needed to sort out if they were to have any hope of a future together.

Ben needed to be treated with care and consideration for what he’d been through. But she had to consider her own needs, too. Decision time was looming. If she was to go to Melbourne and interview for the candle shop franchise she had to leave here by the latest tomorrow morning.

She turned right back around and headed down the steps to the beach.

The heat was still oppressive, the sand still warm. At this time of year it wouldn’t get dark until nearly nine.

Before the sun set she needed answers.

She found Ben sitting on the wooden dock that led out from the boathouse into the waters of the bay. His broad shoulders were hunched as he looked out towards the breakwater.

Without a word she sat down beside him. Took his hand in hers. In response, he squeezed it tight. They sat in silence. Her. Ben. And that darn woolly mammoth neither of them seemed capable of addressing.

Beyond the breakwater a large cargo ship traversed the horizon. Inside the harbour walls people were rowing dinghies to shore from where their boats were anchored. A large seagull landed on the end pier and water slapped against the supporting posts of the dock.

She took a deep breath. ‘Ida wants to sell me Bay Books.’

‘Is that what you want?’ His gaze was intent, the set of his mouth serious.

She met his gaze with equal intensity. ‘I want to run my own business. I think I could make the bookshop work even better than it already does. But you’re the only reason for me to stay in Dolphin Bay.’

‘An important decision like that should be made on its own merits.’

‘The bookshop proposition’s main merit is that it allows me to stay here with you.’ Time to vanquish that mammoth. ‘We have to talk about where we go from here.’

His voice matched the bleakness of his face. ‘I don’t know that I can give you what you want.’

‘I want you, Ben. Surely you know that.’

‘I want you too. More than you can imagine. If it wasn’t for...for other considerations I’d ask you to stay. Tell you to phone that candle guy and cancel your interview in Melbourne. But...but it’s not that straightforward.’

‘What other considerations?’ she asked, though she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

He cleared his throat. ‘I saw how you were with Amy.’

‘You mean how I dote on her?’

He nodded. ‘You were meant to be a mother, Sandy. Even when you were eighteen you wanted to have kids.’

‘Two girls and a boy,’ she whispered, the phrase now a desolate echo.

‘I can’t endure loss like that again. Today brought it all back.’

She wanted to shake him. Ben was smart, educated, an astute businessman. Why did he continue to run away from life? From love.

‘I appreciate your loss. The pain you’ve gone through. But haven’t you punished yourself enough for what happened?’

He made an inarticulate response and she knew she had hurt him. But this had been bottled up for too long.’

‘Can’t you see that any pleasure involves possible pain? Any gain possible risk. Are you never going to risk having your heart broken again?’

His face was ashen under his tan. ‘It’s too soon.’

‘Do you think you’ll ever change your mind about children?’

She held her breath in anticipation of his answer.