Christy McKellen - Mills & Boon Showcase

‘That depends on you. I promised Amy I’d take her to see the white lions at Mogo Zoo. Then we could come back here, have dinner with you and Ben, stay the night and go home tomorrow.’

‘That would be amazing. Let’s book you into Ben’s gorgeous hotel.’

When had her thoughts changed from Hotel Hideous to ‘Ben’s gorgeous hotel’?

She didn’t feel guilty about putting the ‘Back in Ten Minutes’ sign up on the bookshop door—Ida had quite a collection of signs, covering all contingencies. It was hot and stuffy inside Bay Books and she was beginning to feel claustrophobic.

And she wanted to see Ben again, to be reassured that loving him would be enough.

* * *

Ben was stunned to see Sandy coming towards Reception with a little girl. The child was clutching one of Bay Books’ brown paper bags with one hand and holding on tight to Sandy’s hand with the other. All the while she kept up a steady stream of childish chatter and Sandy looked down to reply, her face tender and her eyes warm with love.

That newly tuned engine of his heart spluttered and stalled at the sight. It looked natural and right to see Sandy hand in hand with a child. The little girl might be her daughter.

Anguish tore through him. Liam would have been around the same age if he’d lived. He could not go there. Getting past what would have been Liam’s first birthday had seen him alone in his room with a bottle of bourbon. The other anniversaries had been only marginally better.

Sandy caught sight of him and greeted him with a big smile. Was he imagining that it didn’t reach her eyes? He forced himself to smile back, to act as though the sight of her with a child had not affected him.

He pulled her into a big hug. His need to keep their relationship private from the gossiping eyes of Dolphin Bay was in the past. He’d been warmed and gratified by the good wishes he’d been given since the night of the Chamber of Commerce dance. He hadn’t realised just how concerned his family and friends had been about him.

‘This is my niece, Amy,’ Sandy said. ‘Amy, this is my friend Ben.’

Ben hunkered down to Amy’s height. ‘Hi, Amy. Welcome to Dolphin Bay.’

‘I like dolphins,’ Amy said. ‘They smile. I like crocodiles too. I’ve got a new crocodile book.’ She thrust the brown paper bag towards him.

‘That’s good,’ Ben said awkwardly. He was out of practice with children. Hadn’t been able to deal with them since he’d lost Liam.

Sandy rescued him from further stilted conversation. ‘Do you remember my sister, Lizzie?’ she asked, indicating the tall blonde woman who had joined them.

‘Of course I remember you, Lizzie,’ he said as he shook hands. Though, truth be told, back then he’d been so caught up with Sandy he’d scarcely noticed Lizzie, attractive though she was.

‘Who would have thought I’d see you two together again after all these years?’ said Lizzie.

‘Yes,’ he said.

He looked down at Sandy and she smiled up at him.

‘Can we book Lizzie and Amy into a room with a water view?’ she asked.

We. She’d said ‘we’. And he wasn’t freaked out by it as much as he’d thought he would be. In fact he kind of liked it.

He put his arm around her and held her close. She clutched onto him with a ferocity that both pleased and worried him. There was that shadow again around her eyes. What gave?

He booked Lizzie and Amy into the room adjoining Sandy’s, talking over their protests when he told them that the room was on the house.

‘Dinner tonight at the hotel?’ he asked, including Lizzie and Amy in the invitation.

Sandy nodded. ‘Yes, please—for all of us. Though it will have to be early because of Amy’s bedtime.’

‘I’m good with that.’

The sooner Lizzie and Amy were settled in their room, the sooner he could be alone with Sandy. Their time together was ticking down.

Lizzie glanced at her watch. ‘We have to get to the zoo.’ She took Amy’s book and packed it in her bag. ‘C’mon, Amy, quick-sticks.’

Amy indicated for Sandy to pick her up and Sandy obliged. She embraced Sandy in a fierce hug.

‘I’ll bring you a white lion, Auntie Ex,’ she said.

Auntie Ex? Ben was about to ask for an explanation of the name when Amy leaned over from her position in Sandy’s arms and put her arms up to be hugged by him.

‘Bye-bye, Ben,’ she said. ‘Do you want a white lion, too?’

Ben froze. He hadn’t held a child since he’d last held Liam. But Amy’s little hands were resting on his shoulders, her face close to his. For a moment it was the three of them. A man. A woman. A child.

He panicked. Had to force himself not to shake. He looked to Sandy over the little girl’s blonde head. Connected with her eyes, both sad and compassionate.

He cleared his throat and managed to pat the little girl gently on the back. ‘A white lion would be great—thanks, Amy.’

‘A girl one or a boy one?’ Amy asked.

Ben choked out the words. ‘A...a boy one, please.’

‘Okay,’ she said, and wiggled for Sandy to put her down.

Amy ran over to her mother.

‘How are you going to get the white lions back here, Amy?’ asked Sandy.

‘In the back of the car, of course, silly,’ Amy replied.

The adults laughed, which broke the tension. But Ben was still shaken by the emotion that had overtaken him when he’d stood, frozen, in that group hug with Sandy and Amy. And he couldn’t help but notice how Sandy’s eyes never left her delightful little niece. There was more than being a doting aunt in her gaze.

‘Okay, guys, I have to get back to the bookshop,’ Sandy said. She hugged Amy and Lizzie. Then turned to him and hugged him. ‘I’m going to stay back for a little while after I shut up shop and flick through Ida’s files. I’ll see you for dinner.’

He tightened his arms around her. Something was bothering her—and that bothered him. ‘Don’t be too long,’ he said, wanting to urge her to stay.

Lizzie and Amy headed for their car. Ben watched Sandy as she walked through the door. Her steps were too slow, her head bowed. She seemed suddenly alone, her orange dress a flash of colour in the monochrome decor of the reception area.

Was she thinking about how much she’d miss Lizzie and Amy if she settled in Dolphin Bay?

He suspected it was more than that.

Sandy had accepted his reasons for not wanting to risk having another child. But he’d seen raw longing in her eyes when she’d been with Amy.

When she was eighteen she’d chattered on that she wanted three kids. He’d thought two was enough—but he hadn’t argued about wanting to be a parent. Fatherhood had been on his future agenda, too.

The ever-present pain knifed deeper. Being father to Liam had been everything he’d wanted and more. He’d loved every minute of his son’s babyhood.

He took in a deep, shuddering breath. By denying Sandy her chance to be a mother he could lose her. If not now, then later.

It might make her wave goodbye and leave for Melbourne on Wednesday, never to return to Dolphin Bay. Or, if she decided to stay with him, she might come to resent him. Blame him for the ache in her heart that only a baby could soothe.

Could he let that happen?

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

THE NEXT AFTERNOON Sandy trudged towards the hospital entrance. Fed up with the muggy atmosphere in Bay Books, and the rattling, useless air-conditioner, she’d shut up shop on the dot of five o’clock. To heck with going through more of Ida’s files. She’d talk to Ida in person.

Whether or not she’d be able to have a sensible business conversation was debatable. She was too churned up with anxiety about the reality that a long-term relationship with Ben meant giving up her dream of having children. She tried summoning the techniques Ben had taught her to overcome her fear of monster waves but without any luck.