Christy McKellen - Mills & Boon Showcase

She’d found the guy—though he came with hang-ups aplenty—and maybe he was the guy on whom she’d subconsciously modelled the brief. But as for the rest of it....

Could she be happy with just two out of three resolutions fulfilled? How big a compromise was she prepared to make?

Now her heart actually ached, and she had to swallow down hard on a sigh. Children had always been on the agenda for her—in fact she’d never imagined a life that didn’t include having babies. Then her mother’s oft-repeated words came to mind: ‘You can’t have everything you want in life, Alexandra.’

She put down her pen, then picked it up again. Channelled ‘Sunny Sandy’. Two out of three was definitely a cup more than half full. Slowly, with a wavering line of ink, she scored through the words relating to kids, then wrote: If stay in DB, ask Maura about puppy. She crossed out the word ‘puppy’ and wrote puppies.

Unable to bear any further thoughts about shelving her dreams of children, she slammed the fairy notebook shut.

As she did so the doorbell jangled. She looked up to see a very small person manfully pushing the door open.

‘Amy! Sweetpea!’

Sandy flew around the counter and rushed to meet her niece, then looked up to see her sister, Lizzie, behind her. ‘And Lizzie! I can’t believe it.’

Sandy greeted Lizzie with a kiss, then swept Amy up into her arms and hugged her tight. Eyes closed at the bliss of having her precious niece so close, she inhaled her sweet little-girl scent of strawberry shampoo and fresh apple.

‘I miss you, bub,’ she said, kissing Amy’s smooth, perfect cheek.

‘Miss you too, Auntie Ex.’

Her niece was the only person who called her that—when she was tiny Amy hadn’t been able to manage ‘Alexandra’ and it had morphed into ‘Ex’, a nickname that had stayed.

‘But you’re squashing me.’

‘Oh, sorry—of course I am.’ Sandy carefully put her niece down and smoothed the fabric of Amy’s dress.

Amy looked around her with wide eyes. ‘Where are the books for children?’ she asked.

‘They’re right over here, sweetpea. Are your hands clean?’

Amy displayed a pair of perfectly clean little hands. ‘Yes.’

‘Then you can take books and look at them. There’s a comfy purple beanbag in the corner.’

Amy settled herself with a picture book about a crocodile. Sandy had trouble keeping her eyes off her little niece. Had she grown in just the few days since they’d said goodbye in Sydney? Amy had been a special part of her life since she’d been born and she loved being an aunt. She’d looked forward to having a little girl just like her one day.

Her breath caught in her throat. If she stayed with Ben no one would ever call her Mummy.

‘Nice place,’ said Lizzie, looking around her. ‘But what the heck are you doing here? You’re meant to be on your way to Melbourne.’

‘I could ask the same about you. Though it’s such a nice surprise to see you.’

‘Amy had a pupil-free day at school. I decided to shoot down here and see what my big sis was up to!’

‘I texted you.’

‘Just a few words to say you were spending some time in Dolphin Bay. Dolphin Bay! Why this end-of-nowhere dump? Though I have to say the place has smartened itself up. And Amy loves the dolphin rubbish bins.’

‘I took the scenic route down the coast. It was lunchtime when I saw the turn-off, and—’

Lizzie put up her hand to halt her. ‘I suspected it, but now I get it. This is about Ben Morgan, isn’t it? What else would the attraction be here? And don’t even think about lying, because you’re blushing.’

‘I have caught up with Ben. Yes.’

Lizzie took a step closer. ‘You’ve done a lot more than “caught up” with Ben, haven’t you?’

Sandy rolled her eyes skyward and laughed. Then she filled her sister in on what had happened since she’d driven her Beetle down the main street of Dolphin Bay. Including Ida’s offer to sell her Bay Books, but excluding Ben’s decision not to have any more children.

‘So, are you going to stay here with Ben?’ Lizzie asked.

Sandy shrugged. ‘We’re testing the waters of what it might be like. But I feel the same way about him as I did back then.’

Lizzie stayed silent for a long moment before she spoke again. ‘You’re not just getting all sentimental about the past because of what happened with Jason?’

Sandy shook her head. ‘Absolutely not. It’s nothing to do with that. Just about me and Ben.’

Just mentioning their names together made her heart flip.

‘I remember what it was like between you. Man, you were crazy about each other.’

Sandy clutched her sister’s arm. Lizzie had to believe that what she’d rediscovered with Ben was the real deal. ‘It’s still there, Lizzie, that feeling between us. We took up where we left off. I’m so happy to have found him again. Even if these few days are all we have. And I don’t give a toss about Jason.’

‘I’m thrilled for you—truly I am. I always liked Ben. And I love this shop. It would be cool to own it. Way better than candles.’ Lizzie shifted from foot to foot. ‘But now I’ve brought up the J word I have to tell you something. You’re going to hear it sooner or later, and I’d rather you heard it from me.’

Sandy frowned. ‘Is it about the wedding?’ She hadn’t given it another thought.

‘More about the bump under What’s-Her-Name’s wedding gown.’

Sandy had to hold on to the edge of the closest bookshelf. ‘You mean—?’

‘They’re not admitting to it. But the wedding guests are betting there’ll be a J-Junior coming along in about five months’ time.’

Sandy felt the blood drain from her face. Not that she gave a flying fig for That-Jerk-Jason. But envy of his new bride shook her. Not envy of her having Jason’s baby. The thought of anyone other than Ben touching her repulsed her. But envy because she would never be the one with a proudly displayed bump, would never bear Ben’s child.

‘Are you okay, Sandy?’

Sandy took a deep breath, felt the colour rush back into her face. ‘Of course I’m okay. It’s a bit of a shock, that’s all.’

Lizzie hugged her. ‘Maybe you’ll be next, if you end up with Ben. You’re thirty now—you won’t want to leave it too long.’

‘Of course not,’ said Sandy, her voice trailing away.

Lizzie was just the first to say it. If, in some hypothetical future, she and Ben decided to stay together it would start. First it would be, So when are you two tying the knot? followed by, Are you putting on weight or have you got something to tell us?

Would she would be able to endure her friends’ pregnancy excitement, birth stories, christenings, first-day-at-school sob-stories? All the while knowing she could never share them?

She understood Ben’s stance against having another child. Was aware of the terrible place it came from. But she couldn’t help but wonder if to start a relationship with Ben predicated on it being a relationship without children would mean a doomed relationship. It might be okay to start with, but as the years went by might she come to blame him? To resent him?

‘You sure you’re okay?’ asked Lizzie. ‘You look flushed.’

‘Really, I’m fine.’ Sandy fanned her face with both hands. ‘It’s hot. I suspect this rattly old air-conditioner is on its last legs.’

‘You could put in a new one if you bought the business.’

‘I guess...’ she said, filled with sudden new doubt.

Holding Amy in her arms, hearing about Jason’s bride’s bump, had shaken her confidence in a long-term relationship with Ben that didn’t include starting a family.

She changed the subject. ‘What are you guys planning on doing? Can you stay tonight?’