Anne Winston - Ready for Marriage?

‘‘No more dating,’’ he said, lifting his mouth a breath from hers. ‘‘I told you the other night that things have changed.’’

‘‘But—’’

‘‘This is going to be an exclusive relationship,’’ he told her.

‘‘Exclusive in what way?’’

God, did the woman have to argue with every word that came out of his mouth? ‘‘Neither of us is going to see anyone else from now on.’’

She frowned. ‘‘You weren’t seeing anyone before. I’m the only one who’s concerned about my life passing me by.’’ Her eyes looked suspiciously moist. ‘‘I can’t just be your sexual toy, Derek.’’

He rubbed his hands up and down over the slender line of her back, feeling the delicate bone structure beneath his palms. Despite her youth, Kristin was one of the most capable, competent women he’d ever known. He thought of her as self-assured, as sturdy and indestructible.

Perhaps too much so. He’d ignored her need for reassurance, for support and commitment because it hadn’t occurred to him that she needed those things. Now he knew she did. She was as vulnerable, in her way, as any other woman.

A fatalistic sense of calm descended, and he knew what he was going to say mere moments before he opened his mouth. ‘‘I don’t want you to be a sexual toy. I want you to be my wife.’’

Seven

The words were shocking, even to him. Derek suddenly couldn’t draw a deep enough breath and an instant tension stiffened his limbs.

Kristin froze in his embrace. She didn’t say a word.

‘‘Kris.’’ He stepped back and took both her hands in his, then took a deep breath and dropped to one knee in front of her. ‘‘Will you marry me?’’

God. The sound of the words hitting the air was nearly a physical pain in his heart. He’d spoken those words once before, holding Deb in his arms on a park bench just as a brilliant sunset feathered across the sky.

He and she had been young. So young. Who could have known that she’d be dead in just over a decade, years before her time?

Kristin was still standing in front of him, and he forced himself to set aside the painful thoughts. The past was over. Buried.

And he realized she hadn’t said a word.

He cleared his throat and tried to smile. ‘‘I, ah, didn’t think you’d find a marriage proposal from me abhorrent.’’

‘‘It’s not that,’’ she said slowly, soberly. ‘‘It’s shock. You didn’t want to marry me last month. What’s changed?’’

‘‘I didn’t know what I wanted last month. Not even last week,’’ he said honestly, trying to give her question the respect it deserved. ‘‘Ever since you first brought up the idea of marriage my head’s been in a spin. I thought I was content with the way my life was going, but I don’t think it was contentment I was really feeling. I was in a rut and it was easier to stay there than to look for a new path.’’

Kristin swallowed. Her eyes were wide, a dark mossy green filled with shock. ‘‘And the new path is asking me to marry you?’’

He rose and smiled down at her. ‘‘It’s not a new path, is it? It’s one that I’ve been avoiding taking for too long now.’’

Something moved in Kristin’s eyes, some screen dropped and he was momentarily seared by…by what? What had he seen? Pain? Anger? ‘‘Wow,’’ she said. ‘‘Overwhelm me with romance, Derek.’’

Romance. The word reminded him of Deb again, of the excitement and anticipation he’d felt during their courtship and early years together and a wave of grief stronger than he’d felt in months swamped him. This was nothing like that. And he didn’t want her thinking, couldn’t have her thinking or hoping it could be. A lump rose in his throat and he had to pause for a moment before he could speak.

‘‘Look,’’ he said. ‘‘I’m not young and romantic, Kris. What we have between us isn’t romance, but it’s just as good in many ways. Friendship, dependability, shared interests.’’ He lowered his voice. ‘‘I can promise you that I’ll be faithful. And I think we’ve safely established that we’ve got chemistry on our side.’’

‘‘Sexual compatibility is nice, but it’s certainly not a good reason to marry someone,’’ she pointed out.

He was beginning to feel a little frazzled. What the hell did she want from him? Hadn’t he just done exactly what she’d wanted? ‘‘I’ll be a good provider. You can work or not, I don’t care, as long as we have good child-care arrangements for Mollie.’’

‘‘And other children?’’ Her voice was little more than a whisper, but the question froze him in place.

More children? God, he’d never even considered that possibility. He’d been stupid not to, he saw now. Kristin was a young woman. Of course she would want children of her own.

Children of her own. Children with him . It was almost hard to breathe in the close confines of the little room. ‘‘I, ah, I need some time to think about that,’’ he managed to say in what he hoped was a relatively normal tone. ‘‘I see that we have a lot more issues to think through than I’d first considered. Let’s talk more tonight.’’

‘‘You still want me to come over for dinner?’’ She sounded vaguely surprised and he realized he hadn’t been all that successful at concealing his turbulent emotions from her after all.

‘‘Yeah.’’ He put out a hand and stroked the back of his fingers down her cheek. ‘‘I do. Will you come?’’

She smiled, although he thought it seemed a little shaky. ‘‘All right.’’

It took all the nerve she possessed to force herself to approach the front door of her childhood home at seven that evening. She’d been letting herself in with a key for years, first when it was her home and more recently after Deb’s death. But tonight Kristin felt like a stranger as she stood on the stone front porch holding a plate of the rice cereal treats that she knew both Mollie and Derek loved.

She rang the doorbell and shifted restlessly from foot to foot as she heard Mollie’s racing footsteps. Derek’s heavier tread approached at a more sedate pace. She was afraid when she opened her mouth to speak all the butterflies in her stomach were going to spill right out in a wild, bright-colored swarm and flit away. Of course, they would have left behind cocoons chock-full of new ones to replace them.

The door swung open and even though she was expecting it, her stomach lurched. Derek stood facing her as Mollie danced madly in front of him, chattering a welcome. Over the little girl’s head, their eyes met and the breath whooshed out of her lungs at the heated awareness in his blue gaze. Her abdomen contracted sharply as he surveyed her from head to toes and back again. She’d taken special care with her appearance tonight, not wanting to be too dressed up and yet wanting to be sure he noticed her.

From the look in his eye as he checked out her sleeveless, scoop-necked aqua sweater and short, beige linen skirt, she’d succeeded. ‘‘Hi,’’ he said.

‘‘Hi.’’ She didn’t know what to say to him; the things they needed to talk about weren’t issues that could be easily discussed with the distraction of a child.

Mollie grabbed her hand and tugged her into the foyer. ‘‘Come see my new baby Daddy bringed!’’

‘‘A new baby?’’ Feeling unbelievably skittish and shy, she concentrated on Mollie. ‘‘What’s her name?’’

‘‘Zu-zie.’’ The little girl took her hand and tugged her toward the family room.

‘‘Ah. Susie. I like that name,’’ Kristen said. She glanced over her shoulder at Derek and caught him grinning.

‘‘Shall I take those?’’ he asked, indicating the dessert bars.

‘‘Yes, please,’’ she said. ‘‘But don’t you dare eat any before dinner.’’ And with that small exchange, she suddenly felt much more comfortable, as if the world had righted itself to a more familiar perspective.