Massimo Recalcati - The Enduring Kiss

1 Cover

2 Title Page The Enduring Kiss Seven Short Lessons on Love Massimo Recalcati Translated by Alice Kilgarriff polity

3 Copyright Copyright © Giangiacomo Feltrinelli Editore, Milano First published in 2019 with the title Mantieni il bacio Published under licence from Giangiacomo Feltrinelli Editore, Milan, Italy This English edition © Polity Press, 2021 Polity Press 65 Bridge Street Cambridge CB2 1UR, UK Polity Press 101 Station Landing Suite 300 Medford, MA 02155, USA All rights reserved. Except for the quotation of short passages for the purpose of criticism and review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher. ISBN-13: 978-1-5095-4250-5 A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. The publisher has used its best endeavours to ensure that the URLs for external websites referred to in this book are correct and active at the time of going to press. However, the publisher has no responsibility for the websites and can make no guarantee that a site will remain live or that the content is or will remain appropriate. Every effort has been made to trace all copyright holders, but if any have been overlooked the publisher will be pleased to include any necessary credits in any subsequent reprint or edition. For further information on Polity, visit our website: politybooks.com

4 Dedication Dedication To Roberto Benigni, who understands the poetry of endurance

5 Acknowledgements Acknowledgements My warmest thanks to Stefano Coletta, the director of Rai 3, for having believed in the power of the word and having challenged the stifling stereotypes of commercial television with a decidedly anti-televisual programme, reiterating the social and civil role of public television. Thanks also to Gianluca Foglia, who since The Telemachus Complex has been a valued interlocutor of mine. And last but not least, to Arianna Bayre, who unwittingly provided me with the right words.

6 Introduction

7 1 The Promise To Burn or To Last? Saying ‘I Love You’ The Miracle of the Encounter ‘Amur’ The Light Being Expected Forever Notes

8 2 DesireThe Fire of Sexual Desire Desire and Love Eroticism and Fetishism When a Body Becomes a Book Notes

9 3 Children A Child Comes into the World More than One Sacrificing Ourselves for Our Children Libidinal Confiscation Notes

10 4 Betrayal and Forgiveness Jealousy Every Great Love Can Die The Atrocity of the Work of Forgiveness The Wound that Became Poetry Notes

11 5 Violence Hitler’s Bitch Freedom and Ownership Violence as a Profanation of Love The Refusal of Femininity Notes

12 6 SeparationsIndifference and Deceit ‘Separtition’ Destinies of Separation Notes

13 7 Enduring Love To Burn or To Last? The Intimacy of Strangers At First Sight, Once More Notes

14 End User License Agreement

1 Cover

2 Table of Contents

3 Title Page

4 Copyright

5 Dedication

6 Acknowledgements

7 Introduction

8 Begin Reading

9 End User License Agreement

1 iii

2 iv

3 v

4 ix

5 1

6 2

7 3

8 4

9 5

10 6

11 7

12 8

13 9

14 10

15 11

16 12

17 13

18 14

19 15

20 16

21 17

22 18

23 19

24 20

25 21

26 22

27 23

28 24

29 25

30 26

31 27

32 28

33 29

34 30

35 31

36 32

37 33

38 34

39 35

40 36

41 37

42 38

43 39

44 40

45 41

46 42

47 43

48 44

49 45

50 46

51 47

52 48

53 49

54 50

55 51

56 52

57 53

58 54

59 55

60 56

61 57

62 58

63 59

64 60

65 61

66 62

67 63

68 64

69 65

70 66

71 67

72 68

73 69

74 70

75 71

76 72

77 73

78 74

79 75

80 76

81 77

82 78

83 79

84 80

85 81

86 82

87 83

88 84

89 85

90 86

91 87

92 88

93 89

94 90

95 91

96 98

Massimo Recalcati

Translated by Alice Kilgarriff

polity

Copyright © Giangiacomo Feltrinelli Editore, Milano

First published in 2019 with the title Mantieni il bacio Published under licence from Giangiacomo Feltrinelli Editore, Milan, Italy

This English edition © Polity Press, 2021

Polity Press

65 Bridge Street

Cambridge CB2 1UR, UK

Polity Press

101 Station Landing

Suite 300

Medford, MA 02155, USA

All rights reserved. Except for the quotation of short passages for the purpose of criticism and review, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

ISBN-13: 978-1-5095-4250-5

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

The publisher has used its best endeavours to ensure that the URLs for external websites referred to in this book are correct and active at the time of going to press. However, the publisher has no responsibility for the websites and can make no guarantee that a site will remain live or that the content is or will remain appropriate.

Every effort has been made to trace all copyright holders, but if any have been overlooked the publisher will be pleased to include any necessary credits in any subsequent reprint or edition.

For further information on Polity, visit our website: politybooks.com

To Roberto Benigni, who understands the poetry of endurance

My warmest thanks to Stefano Coletta, the director of Rai 3, for having believed in the power of the word and having challenged the stifling stereotypes of commercial television with a decidedly anti-televisual programme, reiterating the social and civil role of public television. Thanks also to Gianluca Foglia, who since The Telemachus Complex has been a valued interlocutor of mine. And last but not least, to Arianna Bayre, who unwittingly provided me with the right words.

The title of this book comes from a dream I once had. The day before, my Pilates teacher Arianna, who has long helped me to mend my poor back worn out by thirty years of practising psychoanalysis, had given me a particular exercise to do. Lying on my back and holding my knees together, I had to rotate one leg at a time. Whilst holding this uncomfortable and unnatural posture, Arianna told me to ‘maintain the kiss’ between my knees, which the leg rotation tended to break. ‘Massimo’, she told me sternly, ‘maintain the kiss.’

In the dream, this day residue (as Freud would define it) developed in a surprising way. At that time, I had a provisional title for this book that I was not entirely happy with, and my dream developed both the day residue of the Pilates lesson and this dissatisfaction. In the dream I am at the Fondazione Feltrinelli in Milan. I am striding up the stairs to the floor where the publishing house is. No one is there apart from the editorial director, who is waiting for me in his office. I am meeting him to tell him the title of my next book, which will be ‘ Enduring Kiss ’. His reaction is incredibly positive. Then he asks me, ‘Where does it come from?’ I answer, ‘The same place as the others.’ ‘Which is?’, he asks. ‘My unconscious.’