William Shakespeare - William Shakespeare The Complete Works (37 plays, 160 sonnets and 5 Poetry Books With Active Table of Contents)

Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat; but it is tell-a me dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany. By my trot, dere is no duke that the court is know to come. I tell you for good will; adieu.

[Exit.]

Host. Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight, I am undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!

[Exeunt Host and Bardolph.]

Fal. I would all the world might be cozen’d, for I have been cozen’d and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transform’d, and how my transformation hath been wash’d and cudgell’d, they would melt me out of my fat drop by drop, and liquor fishermen’s boots with me. I warrant they would whip me with their fine wits till I were as crestfall’n as a dried pear. I never prosper’d since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were but long enough [to say my prayers], I would repent.

[Enter Mistress] Quickly.

Now? whence come you?

Quick. From the two parties, forsooth.

Fal. The devil take one party and his dam the other! and so they shall be both bestow’d. I have suffer’d more for their sakes—more than the villainous inconstancy of man’s disposition is able to bear.

Quick. And have not they suffer’d? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them. Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.

Fal. What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colors of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brainford. But that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver’d me, the knave constable had set me i’ th’ stocks, i’ th’ common stocks, for a witch.

Quick. Sir—let me speak with you in your chamber. You shall hear how things go, and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so cross’d.

Fal. Come up into my chamber.

Exeunt.

¶

Enter Fenton, Host.

Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me, my mind is heavy; I will give over all.

Fent.

Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,

And (as I am a gentleman) I’ll give thee

A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.

Host. I will hear you, Master Fenton, and I will (at the least) keep your counsel.

Fent.

From time to time I have acquainted you

With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page,

Who mutually hath answer’d my affection

(So far forth as herself might be her chooser)

Even to my wish. I have a letter from her

Of such contents as you will wonder at;

The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,

That neither, singly, can be manifested

Without the show of both. Fat Falstaff

Hath a great scene; the image of the jest

I’ll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host:

To-night at Herne’s oak, just ’twixt twelve and one,

Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;

The purpose why, is here; in which disguise,

While other jests are something rank on foot,

Her father hath commanded her to slip

Away with Slender, and with him at Eton

Immediately to marry. She hath consented.

Now, sir,

Her mother (even strong against that match

And firm for Doctor Caius) hath appointed

That he shall likewise shuffle her away,

While other sports are tasking of their minds,

And at the dean’ry, where a priest attends,

Straight marry her. To this her mother’s plot

She (seemingly obedient) likewise hath

Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:

Her father means she shall be all in white;

And in that habit, when Slender sees his time

To take her by the hand and bid her go,

She shall go with him. Her mother hath intended

(The better to [denote] her to the doctor,

For they must all be mask’d and vizarded)

That quaint in green she shall be loose enrob’d,

With ribands pendant, flaring ’bout her head;

And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,

To pinch her by the hand, and on that token,

The maid hath given consent to go with him.

Host.

Which means she to deceive, father or mother?

Fent.

Both, my good host, to go along with me.

And here it rests, that you’ll procure the vicar

To stay for me at church, ’twixt twelve and one,

And in the lawful name of marrying,

To give our hearts united ceremony.

Host.

Well, husband your device; I’ll to the vicar.

Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.

Fent.

So shall I evermore be bound to thee;

Besides, I’ll make a present recompense.

Exeunt.

¶

Enter Falstaff, [Mistress] Quickly.

Fal. Prithee no more prattling. Go, I’ll hold. This is the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd numbers. Away, go. They say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!

Quick. I’ll provide you a chain, and I’ll do what I can to get you a pair of horns.

Fal. Away, I say, time wears, hold up your head and mince.

[Exit Mrs. Quickly.]

[Enter] Ford [disguised].

How now, Master [Brook]? Master [Brook], the matter will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the park about midnight, at Herne’s oak, and you shall see wonders.

Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed?

Fal. I went to her, Master [Brook], as you see, like a poor old man, but I came from her, Master [Brook], like a poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, Master [Brook], that ever govern’d frenzy. I will tell you—he beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the shape of man, Master [Brook], I fear not Goliah with a weaver’s beam, because I know also life is a shuttle. I am in haste, go along with me, I’ll tell you all, Master [Brook]. Since I pluck’d geese, play’d truant, and whipt top, I knew not what ’twas to be beaten till lately. Follow me, I’ll tell you strange things of this knave Ford, on whom to-night I will be reveng’d, and I will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow. Strange things in hand, Master [Brook]! Follow.

Exeunt.

¶

Enter Page, Shallow, Slender.

Page. Come, come; we’ll couch i’ th’ castle-ditch till we see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender, my [daughter].

Slen. Ay, forsooth, I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry “mum”; she cries “budget”; and by that we know one another.

Shal. That’s good too; but what needs either your ‘mum’ or her ‘budget’? The white will decipher her well enough. It hath strook ten a’ clock.

Page. The night is dark, light and spirits will become it well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns. Let’s away; follow me.

Exeunt.

¶

Enter Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, Caius.

Mrs. Page. Master Doctor, my daughter is in green. When you see your time, take her by the hand, away with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before into the park; we two must go together.