Katherine Applegate - The One and Only Bob

the amazing history of man’s best friend the amazing history of man’s best friend Before long, me and Ivan were best buddies. We’re an unlikely pair, sure. Ivan’s calm and serene, a philosopher, an artist. I wish I could be more like that. No one’s ever accused me of being levelheaded. Hotheaded, sure. And I can’t talk pretty like Ivan can. I’m a street dog, after all. And proud of it. Still, we clicked, in a way I never had with humans. “Man’s best friend”? No way. “Gorilla’s best friend”? You bet. Seems to me the first time I ever heard that phrase—“man’s best friend”—was while I was watching TV with Ivan. Back in the day, Ivan had this little television, and we watched a lot of stuff together. Old movies, Westerns, cartoons, you name it. Poor guy was stuck in a cage, didn’t have a lot else to do except throw me-balls at gaping humans. Anyways. Me and Ivan, big fans of the tube. Cat food commercials. Pro bowling. Dancing with the Stars. What’s not to like? Once we watched this special on the nature channel. It was called The Amazing History of Man’s Best Friend . Show was all about famous dogs. There were rescue dogs and therapy dogs and war dogs and fire dogs and movie dogs and this dogs and that dogs. And between you and me, most of ’em were just plain overachievers. Then they got to this dog named Hach-something-or-other. Hatchet-toe, maybe? Seems his owner died (for the record, I object to the word “owner,” but we’ll set that aside for now), and Hach-something-or-other sat around for over nine years in the same spot at the same train station, day after day, waiting for him to return. Thing is, the narrator guy was blabbing on and on about this dog, really over-the-top stuff: How loyal! How loving! Break out the Kleenex! Blah blah blah, wah wah wah! Man’s best friend! They made a statue of this dog. I kid you not. A statue of the dog who sat around nine years waiting for a dead guy.

in my opinion in my opinion That dog was a ninny. A numskull. A nincompoop.

i’m yours i’m yours Lemme tell you about being man’s best friend. Being man’s best friend can mean a lot of things. Companionship. Belly rubs. Tennis balls. But it can also mean a dark, endless highway and an open truck window. It can mean the smell of the wet wind as hands grab the box you’re in with your brothers and sisters and you go sailing into the unkind night and still, still, crazy as it sounds, you’re thinking, But I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours.

no one no one That’s what being man’s best friend can get you. A black highway. An empty box. And no one in the world but you.

early days

boss

alone

cars

the owl

luck

more luck

will

exit 8

history

tennis ball

Two

dream

the smell of a storm

on the poetry of stink

the news

snickers

nutwit

spoiled

another confession

cricket bully

trust

my car thing

click

options

full wag

good words, bad words

clock versus moon

the shelter

droolius

forgiveness

the art of human watching

puppy eyes

mr. oog

the park

change

my inner wolf

kimu

enrichment

walls and bad guys

gift

ivan

marriage

tiny but tough

not talking

brave

ruby

ruby’s family

ivan’s art

on the subject of chimps

a very handsome dog

the beginning

torn apart

no way

airborne

landing

bad dog

honest

stretch

aardvarks

sounds

smells

surveying the damage

baby sloth

make no sudden moves

mutt versus wolf

gorilla world

help us!

kudzoo

an idea

team elephant

what’s out there

not moving

xena

dragon

hugging

loose

cpr

no

miracle

gorilla ghost

wolf on the run

shots fired

jungle

a situation

never

one place

a split second

on my way

Three

looking

what if

six

relieved

coward

the wind

enough

my paddles

inside

the return of snickers

alive

catching up

tough

not right

evacuate now!

preparing for the worst

a question

romeo

an interesting life

hey

giant monkey and sea monster

to safety

then, to my surprise

yay

traffic stop

lightning and fireworks

another bridge

hero

cartoons

not a movie

do not let go

kimu again

how

gone

first aid

the truth

forever

rescue

Four

aftermath

riddle

working on it

snickers, again

a visitor

Author’s Note

Acknowledgments

Back Ad

About the Author

Books by Katherine Applegate

About the Publisher

bed boogie:circular “dance” performed by dogs before settling into bed, probably a primitive nesting behavior

copilot:dog riding in car, often with head poking out of an open window ( see also: drool flag)

crazy mutt:exuberant greeting ritual

drool flag:visible tongue protrusion, frequently displayed during copiloting or meal preparation

FRAP:frenetic random activity period ( synonym: zoomies)

full wag:the happiest tail position, a relaxed circular swish, sometimes including hip wiggles

fur on alert:raised hair on a dog’s neck and back, an involuntary reaction often caused by fright or aggression

head tilt:quizzical look employed to charm gullible humans

LEAVE IT:the world’s worst command, especially when applied to food

me-ball:dried excrement thrown at observers ( origin: Gorilla , informal )

playbow:body position with elbows down and rear up, signaling an invitation to have fun

rhymes-with-pet-threat:vet, an otherwise kind human armed with thermometers and needles

tailspin:(1) chase involving the flexible appendage attached to the rear of most canines; (2) ( informal ) an embarrassing or quixotic effort

toe-twitcher:dream (often squirrel-focused) resulting in foot movement

tug-of-war string:a long (though never long enough) piece of fabric or leather used to lead humans during walks