Samuel T. Gladding - Becoming a Counselor

1 Cover

2 Title Page THIRD EDITION

3 Copyright Page Copyright © 2021 by the American Counseling Association Foundation. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. Except as permitted under the United States Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher. American Counseling Association Foundation 6101 Stevenson Avenue, Suite 600 Alexandria, VA 22304 Associate Publisher • Carolyn C. Baker Digital and Print Development Editor • Nancy Driver Senior Production Manager • Bonny E. Gaston Copy Editor • Beth Ciha Cover and text design by Bonny E. Gaston Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Gladding, Samuel T., author. Title: Becoming a counselor : the light, the bright, and the serious / Samuel T. Gladding. Description: Third Edition. | Alexandria : American Counseling Association Foundation, 2021. | Revised edition of the author’s Becoming a counselor, c2009. | Includes bibliographical references. Identifiers: LCCN 2021008008 | ISBN 9781556204128 (paperback) Subjects: LCSH: Counseling. | Counselors. Classification: LCC BF637.C6 G525 2021 | DDC 158.3—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021008008

4 Dedication Page

5 Preface New to the Third Edition New to the Third Edition This third edition of Becoming a Counselor has grown from 121 stories to 156! It has also expanded in scope. The previous editions of this book contained some stories of my coming of age. This edition contains two dozen more from early childhood through college. Some of the incidents in these early memories influence my life today (e.g., “Hard Work”). A number of them I look back on with nostalgia (e.g., “Sex at Church”). Then there is another group I find unbelievable, as in “What was I thinking?” (e.g., “Water Works! A Rush Downstream to the Reservoir”). Regardless, these stories show who I was developmentally at a point in time, and they are timeless as memories. Besides having more stories, this edition of Becoming a Counselor has grown from 14 to 17 sections. Each section begins with a “Becoming” theme. These sections describe how I was becoming who I am today through such matters as making mistakes early in my career or venturing into the land of leadership. Another change in this book is that I have created a brief prelude— “The World Into Which I Was Born”—that describes the circumstances of my family when I entered the world in 1945. This introduction makes it easier for you to understand my worldview at the time and some of the behaviors I displayed growing up and maturing. An additional feature of this volume is Appendix A, which gives a brief overview of my life. It describes some of the main events in my development as a person, including successes and setbacks. I hope that it will help you gauge your own progress as a person and realize anew that life is not linear. Finally, I have added a few more stories about my life as an adult and tweaked a few of the stories in previous editions to make them more readable (see Appendix B). In all these vignettes, I have dealt with the ABCs of reality—affect, behavior, and cognition—and how they individually and collectively impact who we are and how we function through the years.

6 Acknowledgments

7 About the Authors

8 The World Into Which I Was Born

9 Section 1: Becoming During Childhood (Birth to Age 11) Chapter 1: The Trike, the Porch, the Dare, the Air Chapter 2: Choices Chapter 3: “Cool,” “School,” and First Grade Chapter 4: Milledgeville Chapter 5: The Rock Beneath the Ivy Chapter 6: If I Had Been Texas, Dr. Toomey Would Have Struck Oil Chapter 7: Will Lee, Jim Crow, and Racial Poverty Chapter 8: Perpetuating the Lost Cause Chapter 9: An Encounter With the Klan Chapter 10: Just as I Am Chapter 11: My Brother Was a Home Run; I Was Strike Three Chapter 12: Water Works! A Rush Downstream to the Reservoir Chapter 13: Judge Hardy Chapter 14: Sex at Church Chapter 15: The Loans Points to Ponder

10 Section 2: Becoming During Adolescence (Ages 12 to 18) Chapter 16: Making the Grades . . . Almost! Chapter 17: Hard Work Chapter 18: I Married the Football Team Chapter 19: Looking for Athletic Support Chapter 20: Saying “No” to the Skimpy Blue Speedo Chapter 21: “And This Shall Be a Sign Unto You” Chapter 22: Radiating Fruit Flies Chapter 23: Carrot Walks and Talks Chapter 24: Examinations and the Inauguration Chapter 25: Junior ROTC and Me Chapter 26: Cool Breeze Chapter 27: Mount Up-Some-More and Beyond Chapter 28: How the Past Came Into the Present Chapter 29: Typing Points to Ponder

11 Section 3: Becoming as a Young Adult Chapter 30: Greeks, Geeks, Freaks, and Misfits Chapter 31: A June Night in December Chapter 32: The Lakes of Wake Chapter 33: The Beers of My Senior Year Chapter 34: Student Government Chapter 35: Swinging and Undue Public Affection Chapter 36: Holding On to Your Beliefs Chapter 37: A Summer Camp Surprise Chapter 38: The Foxhole Chapter 39: The Good Neighbor House Chapter 40: Be Modest Points to Ponder

12 Section 4: Becoming Oriented to the Counseling Profession Chapter 41: The Calling Chapter 42: Bandits Chapter 43: “Uh-Huh” Is Never Enough Chapter 44: The Locked Ward Chapter 45: Tex Ritter Smith Chapter 46: From the Inside Out Chapter 47: My Pal Sal Chapter 48: Talk Is Cheap Chapter 49: Playing Hunches Chapter 50: Consultant or Catalyst Chapter 51: Sometimes It Is How You Ask the Question Chapter 52: Three Acres of Garlic Chapter 53: The Music of Life Points to Ponder

13 Section 5: Becoming Through Mistakes and Serendipity Chapter 54: Sleepy Time Client Chapter 55: Bo Chapter 56: Rabbits Chapter 57: Testing a Theory Chapter 58: Chipmunk Cheeks Chapter 59: The Right to Struggle Chapter 60: A Door, a Phone, a Window Chapter 61: The Price of Being Ill-Prepared Chapter 62: The Wrong Side of Presentations Chapter 63: Don’t Take It Literally Points to Ponder

14 Section 6: Becoming Skilled in Processes Chapter 64: The Basics Chapter 65: The Difficulty of Change Chapter 66: Boundaries Chapter 67: Boundaries Too Chapter 68: Modeling Chapter 69: Empathy Chapter 70: Afraid of Blood Chapter 71: Omelets Chapter 72: The Concrete Counselor Points to Ponder

15 Section 7: Becoming Through the Power of Words Chapter 73: When a Danish Is Not a Scandinavian Chapter 74: Specialized Language Chapter 75: The Words Are There but I Don’t Know Where Chapter 76: Knowledge Is Power Up to a Point Chapter 77: Writing for Life Chapter 78: Fog-a-re-a Chapter 79: Erotic or Erratic Chapter 80: Adjectives and Adverbs Points to Ponder

16 Section 8: Becoming Through Creativity Chapter 81: Socks Chapter 82: Pantomime Can Be Powerful Chapter 83: Nothing Could Be Finer . . . Almost! Points to Ponder

17 Section 9: Becoming Through Multiculturalism and Spirituality Chapter 84: Shirley Chapter 85: WASPs Chapter 86: The Argentine Chapter 87: Spirits, Spirituality, and Counseling Chapter 88: Putting on the Gloves With Mother Teresa Chapter 89: Becoming a Student of Culture Chapter 90: Getting There Chapter 91: Ten Pesos for the Gringo Chapter 92: Hiccups Overseas Chapter 93: Geography and Identity Chapter 94: Women Are People! Points to Ponder

18 Section 10: Becoming Through Connections Chapter 95: The Office Chapter 96: Happenstance Chapter 97: Sources Within Chapter 98: Cool Under Fire Chapter 99: 20/20 Chapter 100: Courtland, the Turkeys, and Me in Tennessee Points to Ponder

19 Section 11: Becoming Skilled in Working With Groups, Couples, and Families Chapter 101: The Wake-Up Dream Chapter 102: The Other Side of Labels Chapter 103: Nancy Drew Chapter 104: Airtime Chapter 105: Three’s a Crowd but Four Is a Family Counseling Session Chapter 106: Sex Therapy Chapter 107: Laura Ashley Chapter 108: Humor Chapter 109: Home Alone With Humor Chapter 110: Putting Words Into Action Points to Ponder