Phyllis Krystal - Cutting more Ties That Bind

Unlike animals, human beings have free will and have the right to decide for themselves whether to follow a slow evolutionary path or to work to eradicate their faults and weaknesses. They can then detach themselves from past mistakes and be free to start living more positively in the present under the guidance of the High C.

Many other exercises outlined in the previous book would greatly aid prospective parents in preparing for their own children. I will merely refer to each of them here and suggest that the reader study these steps, described in the first book.

The Tree

The Tree technique, whereby prospective parents make contact with their own version of the inner Cosmic Parents, which together form the High C, is most helpful. So many people have had unhappy relationships with one or both parents and find the discovery of their own inner ones a tremendous comfort and support. Many people have never received love in a form they can accept and have not been taught either how to give love or how to receive it, simply because the parents themselves were not given loving role models by their parents. When they make contact with these loving inner parents they find they can receive from them the love that they had always longed for. They can then allow it to flow through them to other people.

Negative Emotions

The various techniques for detaching oneself from negative emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, jealousy and envy, to name just a few, are an excellent preparation for assuming the responsibility of rearing children, who frequently stir up all manner of unpleasant reactions in parents unless they have released these feelings beforehand. Often parents will vent their anger on their children over some trifling incident. Their child often has no idea how they have evoked such an exaggerated outburst.

The Inner House

Working with the Inner House and setting it in order is another very helpful undertaking, since the house is a symbol of the entire self with the various rooms representing all its parts. The actual house in which they live can also be cleaned and put in order at the same time, which greatly emphasises the message to the subconscious.

The Inner Child

Identifying the Inner Child, attending to its needs and giving it love and attention to help that part of the personality to grow to the same age as the rest of the personality is extremely important. Otherwise, there is apt to be a conflict between the Inner Child of each parent and the outer physical child they bring into their lives.

The Black Cloud

If a Black Cloud is suspected as a negative influence on either of the parents’ families, it should by all means be dissipated before a child is born into a family. These negative inherited memories can be triggered at any time if one of the members of a family faces a situation that is reminiscent of old family traumas.

The above techniques or exercises are recommended as indispensable for prospective parents. However, it would of course be very helpful if they would both go through the rest of the exercises described in Cutting the Ties that Bind to remove anything else that could cause problems while their children are growing up.

We all feel more secure when we have clear guidelines to direct us in our daily lives. That is one reason why some old customs continue to be followed despite the fact that many of them have either degenerated into senseless rules or are no longer relevant to life at the present time.

Children tend to learn more easily and quickly by example than by words. If parents live according to high moral standards, their children are more likely to follow their lead.

If, on the other hand, the parents teach one thing but do another, children are quick to detect the inconsistency and become confused.

During my childhood in England, I was quoted as repeatedly having said to my mother from a very early age, ‘You tell me not to lie, but you do it all the time. That’s not fair.’ This reaction is typical of young children before they have become too inhibited to express themselves freely. It is very easy to teach others but that is not enough. Children need to be shown by the example of elders and teachers the type of behaviour and practices which match their teachings. Not all teachers have high standards, so discrimination is needed to distinguish between those who only teach the truth and those who also practise it.

Sathya Sai Baba

Many years after I first started to receive the counselling method I use, I heard about Sathya Sai Baba, a world teacher who lives in Southern India. He was born in 1926 in a tiny remote village and has been quietly and patiently teaching all those who are willing to listen to his message which, like that of Jesus and other spiritual teachers of the past, is based on unselfish love.

Since 1972, when I first heard about Baba, I have visited him many times in India and have been able to watch him in many different situations and with thousands of people.

No ordinary human being could do even a fraction of what he accomplishes every single day, year after year. Each day’s activities represent a superhuman feat which I doubt anyone could match. And he accomplishes it all with such unhurried, unruffled serenity and, above all, with immense love. Sai Baba’s life is his message, as he often avers. I have certainly found this to be true. Experiencing Sai Baba’s influence is a challenge to bring our lives into line with his teachings. In so doing, we can give a clear example to others who may be in need of guidance.

Sai Baba, in his wisdom, knows that we all need to be taught carefully and clearly, one step at a time, like children. So he has initiated several different programmes to help all those who wish to advance, each at his own pace, and bring their lives in line with his teachings.

Particularly at present there is an acute need for ground rules or a model upon which we can mould our lives. This could help to provide a clearer picture of how far short we fall from the model we have chosen to follow. For how can we sense when our lives and behaviour are out of line unless we have a well-defined outline to follow which we know really works?

From my personal experience, as well as that of many with whom I have worked individually and in groups, Sai Baba’s few simple and clear programmes have proved to be an excellent and workable system. They can help all those who so desire to work on themselves. Eventually, they will discover who they really are beneath the many coverings of habits, desires and roles which hide their real self not only from their own view, but also from the eyes of others.

So I shall use Sai Baba’s models first to illustrate how people can conduct their own lives and, secondly, how to train their children. However, I do not wish to convey the impression that Baba’s is the only way. It is important, in fact imperative, to choose a model that really works, and continue to use it until the results are experienced. I will keep my presentation of Baba’s teachings as brief as possible. If more details are desired, there are many books devoted entirely to his teachings taken from his numerous discourses, as well as many others written by devotees citing their own experiences.

Essentially, Baba teaches that love is the most important and effective force in the universe. One of his oft-quoted sayings illustrates this point: ‘Start the day with love, spend the day with love, fill the day with love, end the day with love. That is the way to God.’ Now that sounds wonderful and we are all inclined to agree, but do we practise it, even occasionally during the day, let alone all day? We argue that we are too busy, that life is too hectic, that we forget. These are excuses. If we could practise it even a small part of the time, now and then, we would begin to observe that our lives gradually, almost imperceptibly, do become calmer and less rushed. We would also find we had time for much more than we ever dreamed possible.