Eva Illouz - The End of Love

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The End of Love: краткое содержание, описание и аннотация

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Western culture has endlessly represented the ways in which love miraculously erupts in people’s lives, the mythical moment in which one knows someone is destined for us, the feverish waiting for a phone call or an email, the thrill that runs down our spine at the mere thought of him or her. Yet, a culture that has so much to say about love is virtually silent on the no less mysterious moments when we avoid falling in love, where we fall out of love, when the one who kept us awake at night now leaves us indifferent, or when we hurry away from those who excited us a few months or even a few hours before.
In
, Eva Illouz documents the multifarious ways in which relationships end. She argues that if modern love was once marked by the freedom to enter sexual and emotional bonds according to one’s will and choice, contemporary love has now become characterized by practices of non-choice, the freedom to withdraw from relationships. Illouz dubs this process by which relationships fade, evaporate, dissolve, and break down “unloving.” While sociology has classically focused on the formation of social bonds,
makes a powerful case for studying why and how social bonds collapse and dissolve.
Particularly striking is the role that capitalism plays in practices of non-choice and “unloving.” The unmaking of social bonds, she argues, is connected to contemporary capitalism which is characterized by practices of non-commitment and non-choice, practices that enable the quick withdrawal from a transaction and the quick realignment of prices and the breaking of loyalties. Unloving and non-choice have in turn a profound impact on society and economics as they explain why people may be having fewer children, increasingly living alone, and having less sex.
The End of Love

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54 54. W. Bradford Wilcox “The Evolution of Divorce,” National Affairs (Fall 2009), accessed September 11, 2016, http://nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-evolution-of-divorce.

55 55. As Claire Cain Miller shows based on “Survey of Income and Program Participation.” It is important to note that Miller also shows that since the peak in the 1970s and early 1980s, the divorce rate has been declining for people who married since the 1990s. Claire Cain Miller, “The Divorce Surge Is Over, but the Myth Lives On,” New York Times, December 4, 2014, accessed September 11, 2016, http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/02/upshot/the-divorce-surge-is-over-but-the-myth-lives-on.html.

56 56. Charlotte Lytton, “I Me Wed: Why Are More Women Choosing to Marry Themselves?” The Telegraph (London), September 28, 2017 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/women-choosing-marry/, accessed February 13, 2018.

57 57. G. Oscar Anderson, Loneliness among Older Adults: A National Survey of Adults 45+. Washington, DC: AARP Research, September 2010, https://doi.org/10.26419/res.00064.001.

58 58. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, “So Lonely I Could Die,” American Psychological Association, August 5, 2017, https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2017/08/lonely-die.aspx.

59 59. Jane E. Brody, “The Surprising Effects of Loneliness on Health,” New York Times, December 11, 2017, accessed February 13, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2017/12/11/well/mind/how-loneliness-affects-our-health.html?_r=0.

60 60. Anna Goldfarb, “How to Maintain Friendships,” New York Times, January 18, 2018, https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/18/smarter-living/how-to-maintain-friends.html, accessed February 13, 2018.

61 61. Julian, Kate. 2018. “Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex?” in Atlantic 2018 December, https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/.

62 62. Some of the people were interviewed in cafes and were found through snowball procedure. Others were acquaintances who shared with me their experiences. All names have been anonymized. When details about an interviewee were potentially revealing of his or her identity, I deliberately changed them to ensure maximum anonymity (for example if someone occupied a unique professional position, I deliberately changed that position while maintaining a roughly similar educational and economic background). I interviewed a majority of heterosexual men and women but occasionally refer to homosexuals when I thought they reflect quite well processes at work in heterosexual couples as well. The sample included twenty-four divorcees, thirty-four married people, and thirty-four people in casual relationships or without relationships. It included forty-seven women and forty-five men. Because of the sensitive nature of the interviews, I quickly abandoned my recording device and interview protocol and instead used informal conversations to elicit accounts that were written down from memory immediately after my encounters. This method was most definitely less obtrusive and is in line with ethnographic mode of analysis. Occasionally, I wrote down by hand the main points of the conversation while it was happening. These conversations lasted anywhere from thirty minutes to one and a half hours.

63 63. Lauren Berlant, “Slow Death (Sovereignty, Obesity, Lateral Agency),” Critical Inquiry 33, no. 4 (2007): 754–780.

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