S. Michele Nevarez - Beyond Emotional Intelligence

148 140

149 141

150 142

151 143

152 144

153 145

154 146

155 147

156 148

157 149

158 150

159 151

160 152

161 153

162 154

163 155

164 156

165 157

166 159

167 160

168 161

169 162

170 163

171 164

172 165

173 166

174 167

175 168

176 169

177 170

178 171

179 172

180 173

181 174

182 175

183 176

184 177

185 178

186 179

187 180

188 181

189 182

190 183

191 185

192 186

193 187

194 188

195 189

196 190

197 191

198 192

199 193

200 194

201 195

202 196

203 197

204 198

205 199

206 200

207 201

208 202

209 203

210 204

211 205

212 206

213 207

214 209

215 210

216 211

217 212

218 213

219 214

220 215

221 216

222 217

223 218

224 219

225 220

226 221

227 222

228 223

229 224

230 229

231 230

232 231

233 233

234 234

235 235

236 236

237 237

238 238

239 239

240 240

241 241

242 242

243 243

244 244

245 245

246 246

247 247

“Michele Nevarez has done it! Her years of study and personal experience have come together in a beautiful way to deliver Beyond Emotional Intelligence . This is a book that melds intellect with humanity and provides a framework for truly understanding mind-based habits facilitating an existence with life's most valuable riches.”

—Kim Ades President and Founder of Frame of Mind Coaching and The Journal That Talks Back

“Finally, a book that focuses on developing the inner landscape and habits that have profound impact on the quality of our life experience. Brilliant, insightful and actionable practices to take living to the next level through leveraging the power of your mind and the abilities you hold within to shape your everyday experience.”

—Carla Reeves Mindset Coach and Host of the podcast, Differently

“Beyond Emotional Intelligence takes the imperative yet intellectual subject of emotional intelligence and makes it as accessible as having a conversation about your most favorite ideas. This book creates a pathway for a generation of thinkers, doers and dreamers from all walks of life to understand themselves and those around them better. To me, it is a must-read.”

—Deepak Ramola Founder and Artistic Director of Project FUEL

A GUIDE TO ACCESSING YOUR FULL POTENTIAL

S. MICHELE NEVAREZ

Copyright © 2022 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc. All rights reserved.

Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.

Published simultaneously in Canada.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the Web at www.copyright.com. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, (201) 748-6011, fax (201) 748-6008, or online at http://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional where appropriate. Further, readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. Neither the publisher nor authors shall be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.

For general information on our other products and services or for technical support, please contact our Customer Care Department within the United States at (800) 762-2974, outside the United States at (317) 572-3993 or fax (317) 572-4002.

Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic formats. For more information about Wiley products, visit our web site at www.wiley.com.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Nevarez, S. Michele, author. Title: Beyond Emotional Intelligence : a guide to accessing your full potential / S. Michele Nevarez. Description: Hoboken, New Jersey : Wiley, [2022] | Includes index. Identifiers: LCCN 2021036639 (print) | LCCN 2021036640 (ebook) | ISBN 9781119800200 (hardback) | ISBN 9781119800224 (adobe pdf) | ISBN 9781119800217 (epub) Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Emotional intelligence. Classification: LCC BF637.S4 N466 2022 (print) | LCC BF637.S4 (ebook) | DDC 158.1—dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021036639LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021036640

Cover Image: Barn Swallow: © Andrew Howe/Getty Images Picture Frame: © amtitus/Getty Images

Cover Design: Wiley

To my father, Robert Carrizales: may the profound sense of love, gratitude, and loss I feel from our paths having but narrowly crossed—you departing as I was arriving—dissolve within the Dharmakaya level of aware emptiness. Let us meet where there is no coming and going or meeting and parting. Let us all meet in the open field of our own awareness .

We all have habits, but we often don't take much, if any, time to consider the many kinds of habits we have, the purpose they each serve, or their impact on our lives and the lives of those around us. Take my grandma Harriett, for example, whose mental habits had steep consequences yet ultimately served as coping mechanisms as she attempted to organize her environment to deal with the unwieldy responsibilities placed upon her. She was born a twin in the 1920s, weighing in at three pounds. Not expected to live, the nurse attending her and her twin brother's birth took them both home, where she fed them goat's milk and kept them snuggled in cotton next to one another inside a cigar box, which she kept warm inside a propped-open oven—a story that no doubt bears the marks of a proper fairy tale. Over the course of her life, Harriett suffered from a series of “mental breakdowns”—a word that when uttered was always in hushed tones or guarded whispers. One of these said mental fallings out occurred following the birth of her fifth child—my mom. Each time Harriett suffered what was deemed a mental collapse, she was sent away to Warm Springs, which only later did I come to learn wasn't a resort where guests went to enjoy the salubrious effects of soaking in natural hot springs but was in fact the Wyoming state mental institution, where guests received generously dosed cocktails of medicine before, during, and after shock treatment. For all we know, Harriett was just experiencing postpartum depression each time she had a child or was having a difficult time coping as she attempted to raise her five children in a four-room shack without running water. Sadly, we'll never really know which came first, her “mental illness” or the “remedies” she received to treat it.