GEORGE SHAW - Plays Pleasant

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Plays Pleasant George Bernard Shaw – «Plays Pleasant» is a collection of four plays by George Bernard Shaw, first published in 1898: Arms and the Man; Candida; The Man of Destiny; and, You Never Can Tell.
One of Bernard Shaw's most glittering comedies, Arms and the Man is a burlesque of Victorian attitudes to heroism, war and empire. In the contrast between Bluntschli, the mercenary soldier, and the brave leader, Sergius, the true nature of valour is revealed.
Shaw mocks deluded idealism in Candida, when a young poet becomes infatuated with the wife of a Socialist preacher.
The Man of Destiny is a witty war of words between Napoleon and a 'strange lady', while in the exuberant farce You Never Can Tell a divided family is reunited by chance.
Although Shaw intended «Plays Pleasant» to be gentler comedies than those in their companion volume, «Plays Unpleasant», their prophetic satire is sharp and provocative.
George Bernard Shaw is one of the world's greatest literary figures.

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LOUKA.

If you please, madam, all the windows are to be closed and the shutters made fast. They say there may be shooting in the streets. ( Raina and Catherine rise together, alarmed. ) The Servians are being chased right back through the pass; and they say they may run into the town. Our cavalry will be after them; and our people will be ready for them you may be sure, now that they are running away. ( She goes out on the balcony and pulls the outside shutters to; then steps back into the room. )

RAINA.

I wish our people were not so cruel. What glory is there in killing wretched fugitives?

CATHERINE.

( business-like, her housekeeping instincts aroused ). I must see that everything is made safe downstairs.

RAINA.

( to Louka ). Leave the shutters so that I can just close them if I hear any noise.

CATHERINE.

( authoritatively, turning on her way to the door ). Oh, no, dear, you must keep them fastened. You would be sure to drop off to sleep and leave them open. Make them fast, Louka.

LOUKA.

Yes, madam. ( She fastens them. )

RAINA.

Don’t be anxious about me. The moment I hear a shot, I shall blow out the candles and roll myself up in bed with my ears well covered.

CATHERINE.

Quite the wisest thing you can do, my love. Good-night.

RAINA.

Good-night. ( They kiss one another, and Raina’s emotion comes back for a moment. ) Wish me joy of the happiest night of my life—if only there are no fugitives.

CATHERINE.

Go to bed, dear; and don’t think of them. ( She goes out. )

LOUKA.

( secretly, to Raina ). If you would like the shutters open, just give them a push like this. ( She pushes them: they open: she pulls them to again. ) One of them ought to be bolted at the bottom; but the bolt’s gone.

RAINA.

( with dignity, reproving her ). Thanks, Louka; but we must do what we are told. ( Louka makes a grimace. ) Good-night.

LOUKA.

( carelessly ). Good-night. ( She goes out, swaggering. )

( Raina, left alone, goes to the chest of drawers, and adores the portrait there with feelings that are beyond all expression. She does not kiss it or press it to her breast, or shew it any mark of bodily affection; but she takes it in her hands and elevates it like a priestess. )

RAINA.

( looking up at the picture with worship. ) Oh, I shall never be unworthy of you any more, my hero—never, never, never.

( She replaces it reverently, and selects a novel from the little pile of books. She turns over the leaves dreamily; finds her page; turns the book inside out at it; and then, with a happy sigh, gets into bed and prepares to read herself to sleep. But before abandoning herself to fiction, she raises her eyes once more, thinking of the blessed reality and murmurs )

My hero! my hero!

( A distant shot breaks the quiet of the night outside. She starts, listening; and two more shots, much nearer, follow, startling her so that she scrambles out of bed, and hastily blows out the candle on the chest of drawers. Then, putting her fingers in her ears, she runs to the dressing-table and blows out the light there, and hurries back to bed. The room is now in darkness: nothing is visible but the glimmer of the light in the pierced ball before the image, and the starlight seen through the slits at the top of the shutters. The firing breaks out again: there is a startling fusillade quite close at hand. Whilst it is still echoing, the shutters disappear, pulled open from without, and for an instant the rectangle of snowy starlight flashes out with the figure of a man in black upon it. The shutters close immediately and the room is dark again. But the silence is now broken by the sound of panting. Then there is a scrape; and the flame of a match is seen in the middle of the room. )

RAINA.

( crouching on the bed ). Who’s there? ( The match is out instantly. ) Who’s there? Who is that?

A MAN’S VOICE.

( in the darkness, subduedly, but threateningly ). Sh—sh! Don’t call out or you’ll be shot. Be good; and no harm will happen to you. ( She is heard leaving her bed, and making for the door. ) Take care, there’s no use in trying to run away. Remember, if you raise your voice my pistol will go off. ( Commandingly. ) Strike a light and let me see you. Do you hear? ( Another moment of silence and darkness. Then she is heard retreating to the dressing-table. She lights a candle, and the mystery is at an end. A man of about 35, in a deplorable plight, bespattered with mud and blood and snow, his belt and the strap of his revolver case keeping together the torn ruins of the blue coat of a Servian artillery officer. As far as the candlelight and his unwashed, unkempt condition make it possible to judge, he is a man of middling stature and undistinguished appearance, with strong neck and shoulders, a roundish, obstinate looking head covered with short crisp bronze curls, clear quick blue eyes and good brows and mouth, a hopelessly prosaic nose like that of a strong-minded baby, trim soldierlike carriage and energetic manner, and with all his wits about him in spite of his desperate predicament—even with a sense of humor of it, without, however, the least intention of trifling with it or throwing away a chance. He reckons up what he can guess about Raina—her age, her social position, her character, the extent to which she is frightened—at a glance, and continues, more politely but still most determinedly ) Excuse my disturbing you; but you recognise my uniform—Servian. If I’m caught I shall be killed. ( Determinedly. ) Do you understand that?

RAINA.

Yes.

MAN.

Well, I don’t intend to get killed if I can help it. ( Still more determinedly. ) Do you understand that? ( He locks the door with a snap. )

RAINA.

( disdainfully ). I suppose not. ( She draws herself up superbly, and looks him straight in the face, saying with emphasis ) Some soldiers, I know, are afraid of death.

MAN.

( with grim goodhumor ). All of them, dear lady, all of them, believe me. It is our duty to live as long as we can, and kill as many of the enemy as we can. Now if you raise an alarm—

RAINA.

( cutting him short ). You will shoot me. How do you know that I am afraid to die?

MAN.

( cunningly ). Ah; but suppose I don’t shoot you, what will happen then? Why, a lot of your cavalry—the greatest blackguards in your army—will burst into this pretty room of yours and slaughter me here like a pig; for I’ll fight like a demon: they shan’t get me into the street to amuse themselves with: I know what they are. Are you prepared to receive that sort of company in your present undress? ( Raina, suddenly conscious of her nightgown, instinctively shrinks and gathers it more closely about her. He watches her, and adds, pitilessly ) It’s rather scanty, eh? ( She turns to the ottoman. He raises his pistol instantly, and cries ) Stop! ( She stops. ) Where are you going?

RAINA.

( with dignified patience ). Only to get my cloak.

MAN.

( darting to the ottoman and snatching the cloak ). A good idea. No: I’ll keep the cloak: and you will take care that nobody comes in and sees you without it. This is a better weapon than the pistol. ( He throws the pistol down on the ottoman. )

RAINA.

( revolted ). It is not the weapon of a gentleman!

MAN.

It’s good enough for a man with only you to stand between him and death. ( As they look at one another for a moment, Raina hardly able to believe that even a Servian officer can be so cynically and selfishly unchivalrous, they are startled by a sharp fusillade in the street. The chill of imminent death hushes the man’s voice as he adds ) Do you hear? If you are going to bring those scoundrels in on me you shall receive them as you are. ( Raina meets his eye with unflinching scorn. Suddenly he starts, listening. There is a step outside. Someone tries the door, and then knocks hurriedly and urgently at it. Raina looks at the man, breathless. He throws up his head with the gesture of a man who sees that it is all over with him, and, dropping the manner which he has been assuming to intimidate her, flings the cloak to her, exclaiming, sincerely and kindly ) No use: I’m done for. Quick! wrap yourself up: they’re coming!

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