But how do we do this? How do we make sure we never lose that wee piece of magic?
Mindset.
This is once again all about how you choose to think. I am a firm believer in the idea that you are what you think .
Change your thinking, you change your thoughts. Change your thoughts, you change the words that come out your mouth. Change the words that come out your mouth, you change what you give off.
Your thoughts lead to behaviours. Always.
I once read a beautiful quote by Cynthia Occelli: ‘For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.’
Sound familiar? Welcome to the teenage years. Welcome to life.
At 4 years of age we don't see destruction. We see adventure and excitement, we just think ‘bring it on’. As young adults, many of us see hard work, frustration and effort.
What if there's too much emphasis these days on striving to be great at something. This brings nothing but pressure and comparison. What if we've got it all wrong. Rather than finding the confidence to be great, what if it was about finding the confidence to have fun? To see the fun in the everyday, the fun in the ordinary. To play.
You used to be the best at playing. So did your parents. And your grandparents. I hope you've not forgotten this.
Remember when you were 6? In your mind you were never too far from a playground. The floor was always lava. Sometimes you played in the clouds. All steps were rainbow coloured. Every bridge was a shake shake bridge. You never sat still. Homework was fun. Museums came to life. The library was loud and you could borrow more than just books! Waiting never felt like waiting. Rain falling during school break time didn't mean we're staying indoors, it meant ‘Get your wellies on!’ It was like every day was national play day.
That wee boy/girl is still inside you. Still bursting with curiosity, still bursting with excitement. Still bursting with magic. The goal is to never let them disappear.
At that age there was nothing actually very hard about being playful. Far too many young people now worry about looking silly or doing something ‘uncool’. We live in a time where we can hide behind screens, heavily influenced by other people's opinions.
More weight is given to tests and grades than ever. We now spend more time than ever in settings where we are directed, protected, catered to, ranked and judged.
When you are playful, you let go of all that.
‘I find it amusing that we’re all pretending to be normal when we could be insanely interesting instead.’
—Atlas
A couple of years ago I was invited to speak at a TEDx event. This one was particularly special as it was to be held at St Andrews University, one of the most prestigious universities in the world. I was buzzing, couldn't wait to do my thing.
The theme for the day was all around play and rediscovering your inner child. Perfect!
I wanted to try something completely different. I decided my talk would be all about why so many grown‐ups don't play anymore, and I wanted to come up with something that would prove it. What could I do in a lecture theatre with 300 grown‐ups?
There's no way I could play Hide ‘n’ Seek, that would be crazy, no one would ever do that. And plus, it could never work in that kind of space. There's nowhere to hide!
And then I began to think, well, that would be perfect because if they really wanted to play then they'd find a way. But in this context it would play into my hands as they won't play – because it's crazy – so my point will be proved there and then. As adults we don't play anymore, certainly not the way we used to!
So, Hide ‘n’ Seek it was.
“You're only given a little spark of madness, you mustn't lose it.”
—Robin Williams
To set the scene quickly, St Andrews University is, well , fancy. I was nervous, partly because it was TEDx event and partly because I know fine well, I don't belong there, our future king and queen went to this university. To be blunt, these aren't my people.
My imposter syndrome was kicking off in all sorts of ways. My self‐talk went as follows …
‘Shut up Gav, they’ve asked you to be here, get in, attempt to play hide‐and‐seek and get out.’
That was it, that's all I had for myself in that moment. I honestly don't believe anyone in the entire history of man has had this thought before giving a presentation at St Andrews University.
The room filled quickly. 300 people. I was up first. I had 18 minutes.
‘Ladies and Gentlemen, please put your hands together and welcome our first speaker, Gavin Oattes.’
I have this habit of forgetting everything I'm going to say as I walk on to the stage and then just as I open my mouth it all comes back to me. This day was no different. I walked on with nothing, opened my mouth and everything I had planned began to pour out my mouth. All the while knowing I was building towards my big hide‐and‐seek moment.
‘So, I'm going to shut my eyes and I'm going to count to 10. And you're going to hide.’
There was a ripple of nervousness. In me, yes, but more so the auditorium!
‘The rules are you're not allowed to leave the room.’
I'm thinking they'll all just sit there looking at me with a weird expression and this allows me to naturally roll into my main point that as adults we just don't play anymore the way we used to, because we grew up.
‘If you've never played hide‐and‐seek before then you've got exactly 10 seconds of me counting to Google it and get running.’
I closed my eyes.
‘1 …’
I hadn't even got to 2 seconds and all I heard was 300 seats pinging up and 300 people hitting the floor, leaping other seats, screaming, shoving, and laughing their heads off.
Once again my inner voice kicked in …
‘Shit Gav, they're really doing it. You've got 300 people in a room at the poshest university in the world, it's a TEDx event, it's being filmed and they're playing hide‐and‐seek. Like, actual hide‐and‐seek.’
I shat it.
What do I do?
Then I had a moment.
A moment of pure magic. And here it is …
Give people the chance to play and they'll take it.
I'll repeat it.
Give people the chance to play and they'll take it.
Think about it. We love to play. You do, I do, we all do. And if you don't love to play then you've never played properly. You've being doing it wrong. Or you've forgotten. I reckon lots of people the world over have forgotten how to play and what it actually feels like to be in that moment.
But how often are you given the chance nowadays as a teenager? We're not wee kids anymore, we need our hand held. It's all back to front. You were once 4 and knew exactly what to do, right? But some teenagers have grown up and they've forgotten.
Forgotten how to play. Forgotten how to be in the moment. Forgotten how to see the fun in everything.
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