Eric Butow - Digital Etiquette For Dummies

You’ve posted some confidential details that someone later used against you. For example, if you’re going through a divorce and you’ve posted a lot of ugly details, you’re shocked that the lawyer for your ex somehow found those details and is using them against you.

You had no responses to your complaints that it’s too hot in the summer or to your photos showing that you had scrambled eggs for breakfast. That got you to thinking about what others want to see in your social media feeds and you started making better decisions about what to post — and being more careful has reduced your stress because you feel no pressure to post every little event in your life.

When you’re impaired in some way, you’re more likely to make poor judgments and decisions. That’s true even if you're just checking your email and social media. Don't respond to a message if you have a hangover, if you’re tired, or even if you’ve just awakened and you're looking at the content on your smartphone without having that first cup of coffee. The same is true if you’re agitated — take some time to think about the situation and shift your mind to a place where it’s feeling good and you’re ready to respond like an adult. This strategy beats saying something that could damage your reputation or get you into even worse trouble.

The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated online meetings to the n th degree, and suddenly the Zoom video chat app was everywhere — even in our dreams, it seemed. But the pandemic also shined a bright light on the need to behave appropriately in small groups online.

Just like in a face-to-face meeting, online meetings require etiquette. There are things you should do and things you definitely shouldn’t do. And, when acting as the leader of an online meeting, you definitely should know these rules because you may have to enforce them. Let’s break it down.

Here are things you should do in an online meeting:

Prepare for the meeting ahead of time by eliminating distractions as much as possible and making sure (if at all possible) that you won’t be interrupted.

Arrive at the meeting a few minutes early. If you’re the meeting host, you should do this anyway. And if you’re not, you can wait for the host to enter the meeting while you make any last-minute preparations.

If you’re the leader of the meeting, introduce everyone in the meeting.

Take turns and don’t interrupt each other.

Speak clearly and expect that you may have to repeat yourself because — even if your microphone works well — other participants may not have decent speakers.

Be yourself and remember not to focus on the box showing your face in the app window. Focus on others and engage.

If you can, look into your camera when you’re talking. That helps others realize that you’re looking at them. (It’s harder to do when the webcam sits on top of a large monitor.) Don’t be afraid to look away from the camera from time to time in order to look at the person you’re speaking to on the screen, because that’s a natural behavior.

Many video meeting apps have text chat so that you can type with the entire group or with a particular user. If you need to use text chat to communicate, be sure to tell everyone (or at least the leader) about it before you begin. And, if you chat privately with someone, use it sparingly so as not to distract yourself and others.

Dress for the occasion. If you’re chatting with friends, dress how you would if you were meeting them in person. And, if you’re in a business meeting, dress as you would for an in-person meeting.

If you’re the leader of the group and the one responsible for closing the meeting, you need to be the one who closes the meeting with any reminders and by thanking everyone, perhaps individually, for attending the meeting.

Dress well from head to toe for your meeting. If you have to take a bathroom break or tend to someone, such as a child or pet who wanders into your space, you have to stand up — and then participants can see what you’re wearing. If you’ve been sitting there in your underwear, how do you think people will react? (Your eyes probably grew wider just thinking about that scenario.)

Do not do any of these things in an online meeting:

Raise your voice: Even if you think doing so will help someone with a bad speaker hear you, no one else with good speakers wants to hear it. You or the person leading the group will have to work with the person to fix the problem — probably offline.

Talk over the speakers: If you do, expect your audio to be muted because Zoom and many other online video chat apps have that capability. Some speakers will just turn off everyone’s audio unless someone raises their hand in the app.

Engage in side conversations: We talk elsewhere in this book about not having too many side conversations in the chat window, not only because it’s distracting but also because people will notice that you’re not paying attention to the speaker or to anyone else.

Turn off your camera: Sure, it’s physically possible to turn it off if you want to carry on a side conversation, but that doesn’t mean you should do it. When someone in a meeting turns off their camera, what's the first thought that pops into your head? You immediately think that person is checking out, right? If you need to turn off the camera and microphone to do something important, like go to the bathroom, let the leader of the group know as soon as possible. If you want to go grab a snack, well, you should have thought of that before the meeting began.

Snack: Speaking of snacks, it’s a good idea to eat before or after the meeting so that people don’t have to watch (or even hear) you. We talk about this topic in more detail later in this chapter.

Multitask: Look at the camera or the screen. If you need to check something in the meeting such as a spreadsheet to confirm some data, you can do that, but don’t look on your phone when someone else is talking or you think you can just listen in. Other people can see you and they will notice. That can cost you down the road — and maybe not that far down, either.

Don’t meet while driving. That should be self-evident, but too many people do it — maybe even you.

Okay, you say, all this information about what you should do and what you shouldn’t do is helpful stuff. But when you’re in the virtual workplace, it seems that those behaviors aren’t enough.

And you’re right!

Now that your dopamine levels are coming back down to normal, you may naturally wonder what other professional behaviors you may want to use both in online meetings and in written text like online chats and email.

When you’re in an online meeting, be sure to greet everyone in the meeting and tell them that you’re happy to see them. If someone connects with your website by using a form that asks your company for information, send a personalized thank-you message from the appropriate person. The owner or CEO qualifies, don’t you think?