Magnus Stanke - Time Lies

By and by Tobias learned to appreciate that his brother needed Tobi to be Tobi for his own purposes. When Albert was in one of his bad moods he sent Tobi to act in his stead. This trick helped to maintain the illusion that Albert was perfect every day of the year. Tobias played along willingly and learnt to smile as little as possible when he was himself to underscore the contrast between the brothers.

What had started in their home continued at school with teachers and peers alike. Albert was the star, Tobias the sidekick. Sure, he had his own hangers-on, people who didn’t make it into Albert’s inner circle and who by proxy were happy enough in Tobias’ vicinity. For those losers he felt nothing but disdain.

When they grew older Albert said he wanted to repay his debts, and girls were the currency. He’d set up rendezvous and send Tobias in his stead. Invariably the girls would want to make love, and Tobias-as-Albert would be only too happy to comply. He worked out soon enough that his brother let him have only girls he had grown tired of and couldn’t be bothered breaking up with, not when he was in one of his foul moods. For Tobias that was in order, the way of the world. He wouldn’t have had it any other way and he appreciated that Albert didn’t like to dilute his flawless image by showing himself publicly when he felt depressed. And after all, Tobi got guaranteed sex out of the deal without having to worry about touching first, second or third base, any base he cared for. Albert’s charm worked like a proverbial charm, even when channelled through his brother.

*

The boys grew up in the 1950s and 60s, unwittingly watching their country recover, blossom economically and divide. After the construction of the Wall in 1961 the Germany of their forefathers had ceased to exist permanently, and that was probably a good thing.

Everybody expected great things from Albert but he opted for an ordinary office job in a local concrete factory. While his choice baffled many in Eschershausen, his brother suspected all along that Albert was working on long-term designs to remain at the top of the pecking order, a game he knew better than anybody else.

Tobias, in contrast, was ready to stretch his wings and discover the world; he had much less to lose. He got as far as Göttingen, some forty kilometres up the road, where he enrolled at university to study chemistry. There, left to his own devices, he tried to be Albert as much as possible — extroverted, friendly, smiling. After all, people in Göttingen wouldn’t know the real thing. Surely they could accept him, love him and want to have him around. Only, like a leper without limbs, he felt alone and incomplete without his twin.

He excelled at his studies, soaked up information like a dried-out bone and had no idea what to do with all that knowledge. Surely he would never set foot in a laboratory or a pharmacy, at least not to work.

When Dad suffered his first stroke Tobias was exhilarated. He had done three years of university, three years of being nice and wondering why he wasn’t happy, three years of wanting to be back in Eschershausen where he could be both Albert and Tobias, at least for short periods. Without hesitation he dropped everything, ostensibly to be with Dad, to look after the old man, but mainly because he had seen enough of the world and was ready to come home.

To his eternal consternation he found the house of his childhood had changed and would never be the same again. Albert was in love and would not permit any further switching of identities. He wouldn’t even allow Tobias to fuck his future wife once.

*

In the beginning there had been promises, vague ones at that, but promises all the same; Dad and Tobias would move in with Albert and his bride Cordula, live in their great big house, a wedding gift from Cordi’s father. The renovated mansion on Hüschebrink twenty-one boasted more bedrooms than Albert and Cordula could ever fill, even if they became fruitful and multiplied beyond their wildest dreams.

As it turned out, however, they only had one kid and Albert quietly reneged on his promise. Tobias never doubted that Cordula was behind it all, was really wearing the pants in his brother’s marriage. She had put her foot down, said ‘no way’ whenever Albert gently broached the subject of Gerhardt and Tobi moving in. She was more than happy to take care of the medical bills for her father-in-law; money was not the issue. As far as Cordula was concerned, marrying below her elevated social strata was one thing, but sharing her house with a bitter old man and her husband’s less likeable look-alike – well, that would have spoiled the happy-ever-after she had wished for so hard as a girl.

Albert never explained any of this to his brother. He didn’t have to. In those days the twins still had the extra-sensory way of communicating they had developed as kids, could still finish each other’s sentences if they chose to and still knew at all times how the other felt. Whenever Tobias broached the subject all he had to do was look at Albert’s pained face to correctly predict his answer and the reasons behind it. After a while, though Tobi had stopped asking, Albert knew full well that his brother merely held his tongue. He had not changed his heart, however.

Things were tough for Tobi. The Ith was isolated and dad wasn’t getting any younger. Gerhardt learned to speak and walk again, though with great difficulty. If Tobias didn’t stay with him around the clock, he would have to be hospitalised permanently. Unexpectedly, looking after Dad became a multifaceted raison d’être for Tobias in which paternal love only played a subordinated part. Albert felt he had forsaken his own family in their hour of need in favour of his rich wife. His growing, unacknowledged guilt was expressed in cash contributions to Gerhardt’s household. At least there was that.

*

After Tobias finished cleaning Gerhardt, he operated a mechanical hoist to lift his father from the bathtub back into this wheelchair without breaking his own back. The old man had put on pound after pound since the strokes, and Tobias’ upper body had strengthened from lifting and shifting his dad day-in, day-out. He wheeled Gerhardt to his bedroom, attached a fresh adult-diaper to his groin and thighs and got him a glass of water from the kitchen, the better to down the medication.

Only then did he take a moment to look at the old man, his eyes, to gauge the degree of lucidity in them. For now they were clear. Cold and distant as usual, but seemingly all there.

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try.

‘Dad…how are you feeling? Clean and fresh again?’ he said, and Gerhardt blinked expressionlessly at him.

‘You know, I don’t know if you remember this, but I want to talk about your job, the one at the ministry, you know, the last one you had. You always said…’

He hesitated when he saw that his dad was turning his eyes away.

Already Tobias knew he wasn’t going to get a straight reply, or any, for that matter. Still, he gathered up enough courage to finish the sentence.

‘You always said that you left the ministry because of health reasons. But I know, Dad. I know the truth.’

He spun the old man around in his wheelchair so he had no choice but to look at his son.

‘F…f…fuck all. You know fuck all,’ Gerhardt finally managed to say, spitting out the words and saliva with the limited muscle control he retained over his face. ‘Alb…Alb…’

He didn’t have to say any more — his eyes, near hateful now, said it all.

‘Albert’s not here. I am. I know you didn’t quit just to look after us. I know you lied about that and I also know you worked for the foreign ministry before that. What were you, some sort of a spy catcher?’ Tobias said.