Cihlar & Egeler - The Saint and her Fool

These friends cannot always be seen, although they are there, but you can feel them. Then everything feels so much better, the blue sky is clearer, the ray of sunshine on a golden frame is radiant and a surge of cheerfulness fills your heart. You appreciate the world much more and feel pity for those, who do not have the discerning eyes to see. If I had not these friends, I would surely be a discourteous and stubborn child. To be always called a liar or poor child, one tends to have bad thoughts. Instead of appreciating the lilies and roses and wild violets, which grow so lovely, only thorns and thistles can be seen. There of two of those who walk on light feet, which I love the most. It is the Handsome One and also... She. When the Handsome One is present, I am full of laughter, I am joyous and I always want to dance. Then I hear people ask: What is the matter with this child? Today she acts quite peculiar and a bit silly. They surely do not know how it feels, if one’s heart is full of laughter. When She is present, I sometimes cry. It seems as if I am in a dream and the gate of heaven opens and an icy breeze comes over me. The Handsome One is dressed in a green robe with silver ribbons and wears bracelets and barrettes. He has long dark hair with curls that part on his forehead. He resembles the Greek Eros in the blue room, only he has a small moustache. The chain around his neck holds a small, wooden carved bird. He also has a violin and an instrument with a round curvature. With all this he plays music, though it is difficult to hear. It can only be heard shortly before sleep engulfs the body, when the linden tree celebrates the wedding of the blossoms. He is the one who had taught me the Dance of the Lilies.

She surely wishes to teach me something. Though, this is very difficult for me to understand, because I am only a child. Maybe of how I can be able to love Mama, never annoy her and never think bad of her! If She could be seen by Harro, he would paint the most beautiful painting in the world. But Harro cannot see her and I know, I dare not talk to him about her and the Handsome One; it is forbidden. Therefore, I write about my friends into my secret book. When I was a so little and still slept in the yellow crib with the rose quilt, I saw them the first time. It was dawn and the colors of the day began to dance, as they sometimes do in the awakening morning. Beside my bed had always been silk green parasol, which had been removed because Frau Braun burned a hole in it. My first glance in the morning had always been to this shield of green, for the colors of the morning light had always danced so lovely here upon. The day after, this had been removed; my eyes could only see a dark wall and the huge pillars. The walls were almost black, with greenish stones sticking out every now and then. A small yellow light was there and an angry red light. She stood in front of the first column. She was pale and her hair fell openly over her shoulders down to her knees. She has the most beautiful face. Oh, nobody resembles her in any way, so I could tell Harro: look, this is She. Her hair is darker than mine and a lock of her hair is in Harro`s ring of God`s Will. He believes that they are mine and that I had put them in there. She is like a queen. Though, when I saw her, I could not help but to let out a startled scream. It was the way her hands were hanging down to her side, as if She couldn`t lift them due to a terrible pain. Then Babette appeared and said I had been dreaming and the green parasol was put up again.

Once I saw her standing under the linden tree with the Handsome One; it was midday and so hot, and the linden tree was blooming. In some nights, She had surely been with me, as my thoughts of her had been so strong the next morning. Once She was angry with me, for I had chosen to sleep on the cold, stone floor. She stood at the end of my bed and encouraged me to get back under the sheets. This is when I saw the dark red stripes on her arms. Not just faint marks that sometimes I or even Father has. They were deep scars of once vicious injuries. Now I must write of Castle Schweigen. I went there with Mama and Father. I was supposed to go with Harro, he had promised this to me and he actually always keeps his promises, but this one he had not kept. There was a well; we had to drink from it because it is tradition and because She had often quenched her thirst there. Gisela, Gisela, murmurs the well. Oh, I was so surprised when I heard her name! I felt so close to her, and now the well also knew her name. Father and I drank from the same goblet and the water continued to murmur Gisela, Gisela, Gisela ...Father and I then walked further through the gate and the Handsome One was sitting on the stairs under the little window; he was holding his violin and his legs were swinging to faint music. I looked at him, but he did not see me. Then I went up the stairs and the stairs were creaking, as if they were to say something but could not. When entering the rooms, I knew that I had been there many times. Many, many times before. At a time when the little blue dwarfs sat on the rafters over the doors, or hung on sturdy ropes from the ceiling. Very quietly I had to go, and it was terrible for me that Mama was so loud and said „It smells of ghosts”. She was well-known in the castle. But the mirror in the dark frame had seen her face and maybe that is why it distorts all faces now. I was told to drink tea, but I could not eat, my heart was in such anxiety. As I walked through the rooms - there was a door open, I saw her. This made me tremble and I stopped and stared. A blue little dwarf hung from the ceiling, holding his fingers to his lips as if to say: silence!

Silence – the name of the castle. There was a large four poster bed with the most beautiful curtains of soft blue silk, embroidered with colorful flowers. She was lying on the bed, covered with a yellow silk blanket. Her long golden hair unfolded across the pillow and fell down over the edge of the bed. Her hands were very white, with fine blue lines; just as the lines of a leaf fallen from a tree. Along her wrists the red stripes, obvious that they were terrible scars. She lay there with this pallid color on her face, her eyes closed and she was like a monument of marble and gold. I could only assume She was dead, though She was not alone. With her was as a friendly looking old lady with a lace cap and an old man with white hair and a red scar on his forehead. The old man looked like a preacher; he was wearing a white collar, black stockings and buckled shoes. Then Gisela opened her eyes, and I saw that she was alive. She lifted her head slightly and looked up at one of the little blue men, smiling as if they shared some secret. To see this smile and the way her eyes gazed at the blue dwarf, the wooden fingers to his carved lips…it is something one can never forget in a lifetime. Her eyes turned to me, though there was no recognition, just as the Handsome One had not acknowledged my presence. A gust of wind made the door slam suddenly and when Father opened it again, everything had changed. No little man was hanging from the ceiling, the bed was empty and the mirror reflected only a bare wall. The curtains were of a fade, grey color and the once beautiful embroidery could only faintly be seen. The yellow silk cover was fringed at the edges and the walls were no longer white, but brown.

So often I must wonder, why She had appeared in Castle Schweigen; why must She, although being a queen, wander through the empty halls and who had inflicted such horrid scars on her delicate wrists? Why had the Handsome One been sitting alone on the steps outside and was not with her? Why have I so often seen her in Brauneck, wearing a silver dress that shimmers in the moonlight like the soft reflection upon still water?

The Duke pushes away the red booklet and his eyes involuntarily lift. Above him hangs a painting of a young and handsome prince, standing proudly with a long sword at his side. The gleaming of the blade seems to repel the bright rays of the full moon, shining into the room in an uncanny way.