John Doyle - The Ex-Pat's Guide to the Best of the Wurst

I remember thinking: “Exactly, that’s just what I was considering!”

That’s the cool thing about Germany. Here people just don’t bitch about the weather, they bitch about it in great detail!

Information pertaining to why YOU in particular are in Germany

Germans also want detailed information on where you’re from, if it’s not the same tiny town or village that they’re from. I didn’t know this when I first got here. For years I remember thinking: “Why does it feel like people are interrogating me here?

People kept asking me: “Where do you come from? What are you doing in Germany? When are you leaving?”

I used to say: “I’m from New Jersey in the United States,” and leave it at that, completely unaware of the fact that I was torturing my German friends and acquaintances by withholding the details and facts that they so desperately needed for survival.

People would prod further. They’d fire off questions about Germany: “Do you like it here? Did you register with the authorities? What do you think about recycling?”

I was completely overwhelmed and didn’t know what to say. My stock answers back then were: “Germany is great!” or “Germany is fantastic! I love it here!” People looked at me like I was from another planet.

But that was then, and this is now. Now I know what’s going on. When Germans ask me: “Where are you from?” they don’t want to hear “New Jersey.” They want to hear: “I’m from New Jersey, the fourth smallest state of the USA, which by the way is named after the English Channel Island Jersey, with a total area of 22,588 square kilometers (14,036 miles) of which 3,377 square kilometers (2,098 miles) are made up of bodies of water.”

When they hear this, they’re happy!

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