Gus Lee - The Courage Playbook

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Library of Congress Cataloging‐in‐Publication Data:

Names: Lee, Gus, author.

Title: The courage playbook : five steps to overcome your fears and become your best self / Gus Lee.

Description: Hoboken, New Jersey : Wiley, [2022] | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021058276 (print) | LCCN 2021058277 (ebook) | ISBN 9781119848905 (cloth) | ISBN 9781119848950 (adobe pdf) | ISBN 9781119848943 (epub)

Subjects: LCSH: Courage. | Fear. | Interpersonal communication.

Classification: LCC BF575.C8 L44 2022 (print) | LCC BF575.C8 (ebook) | DDC 179/.6—dc23/eng/20211210

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021058276

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021058277

Cover Design and Image: Wiley

To our children, grandchildren, and next generations for their faith, love, and courageous service to others.

After reading Gus Lee's Honor and Duty, I believed that its author would provide our students at the St. Mark's School of Texas with a sound example of fine writing. So we invited Gus to campus as a visiting scholar. During that visit, we concluded that Gus would provide us with more than lessons in how to think and write, but on how to become better people. Coincidentally, Gus and Diane were in the process of writing Courage: The Backbone of Leadership .

The rest became history. In subsequent years, Gus challenged us to think afresh and more clearly and intelligently about our core values. He has taught us to simplify our objectives by directing our attention to key fundamentals—courage, honesty, integrity—and residing there no matter what the difficulty or cost.

Clearly, we were fortunate to be introduced to Gus. The principles of Courage became deeply embedded in our Character and Leadership program, providing the basis on which we have taken our young men along the Path to Manhood in a thoughtful, ethical, and courageous manner. It was Gus who motivated us to formalize the program and who inspired us to reach further than we otherwise would have dreamed.

Gus advocated that we be ardently committed to our convictions about making our hopes a practical reality and encouraged us to make formal that which was being taken for granted. Without intentionality, he said, we would miss opportunities to take our students into the moral “weight room of life.”

What Gus prompted us to achieve has been enduring and has made generations of our boys better men, leaders, and community members. So many conversations at the school include references to the words of Gus Lee. Innumerable interactions begin with Unconditional Positive Respect and doing the Highest Moral Action despite risk to self‐interest. Our students and faculty have learned to disagree well by respecting others, listening first, articulating their discerned conclusions, and making tough decisions with strength and civility.

The Courage Playbook takes these concepts to new levels of self‐awareness in clearly stated ways. What might have been simply noble and vital aspiration becomes tangible, measurable practice—character made real. One's courage is not questioned, but is only expanded to appear more consistently in everyday behavior through empirical suggestions and steps. This work is a superb guide to helping us become our best selves despite fear and stress. By following the recommendations included herein, one will become stronger and find ways to make one's organizations and teams more productive and effective, thriving in ways that might not otherwise have been imagined. In any era, and perhaps especially in today's climate of blaming, name‐calling, and judging others, their actions, and beliefs categorically, The Courage Playbook provides us with a clear and decisive road map to follow. Through courage, Character first. Character last. Character always.

I am eager to learn how The Courage Playbook impacts my former school and all others. From this vantage point, I envision tomorrow's leaders will exhibit courage, be unafraid to take necessary and intelligent risks, and will hold close the greater good and the well‐being of others as their personal desires. Forward we go with courage!

Arnie Holtberg, Eugene McDermott Headmaster, St. Mark's School of Texas (Retired); Principal, Hong Kong International School; and former NY Yankees minor league catcher

To Diane, for her guidance in writing The Playbook and all of our books, and mostly for her love and for everything in everything.

To the many who rescued, encouraged, and trained me in courage. Special appreciation to those who make the world a better place by having dedicated their lives to the development of courage, character, and leaders of character, with my personal thanks to Coaches Antonio Gallo and Bonifacio Tizon; Toussaint Streat, MD; Terry Stein, MD; Professors Warren Bennis, Kwang‐ching Liu, and James R. Edwards; CEOs Christopher A. Kay and Richard K. Eitel; Dr. Tim Keller, and to those who have done so at West Point and in the US Army: Dr. James “Sully” Sullivan; COL (Ret) Larry “Whitey” White; CSM (Ret) Theodore L. Dobol; CSM (Ret) George Kihara; GEN (Ret) H. Norman Schwarzkopf; GEN (Ret) Fred M. Franks, Jr.; COL (Ret) Douglas Boone; LTG Ronald P. Clark; and COL (Ret) Glenn A. Waters. My special thanks to national security professional Ben Bain for his wise inputs.

Many thanks to my clients and to Gary, Aiden, Bella, Alicia, Caleb, Anita, Sean, David, Josh, Gracie, Clifton, Alphonse, and Deke, who continue to instruct and inspire others.

Our gratitude and love, always, to Jane Dystel and Miriam Goderich of Dystel, Goderich & Bourret, Literary Agents, our dear friends who have made writing possible and enjoyable while keenly shepherding my career. Thanks to my sister, Amy Tan, who opened the door. Thanks to Zachary Schisgal, Dawn Kilgore, Donna J. Weinson, Manikandan Kuppan, and the art and marketing teams at Wiley for their professional support and teamwork in bringing The Playbook to life.

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

—Gandalf, in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Fellowship of the Ring

In the years since the publication of Courage: The Backbone of Leadership, 1 we as a country have seen our levels of conflict, fears, and anxieties soar like an Elon Musk rocket. The first casualties? Our already questionable abilities to respect all people and to actually listen to each other.

The Playbook challenges us to do the highest moral action in the routines of everyday life. It's not about the rarely needed physical bravery of running into burning buildings. It's really about authentically respecting others in the here and now to instill a strong and meaningful rhythm in our daily lives. When do we need courage? Every time we interact with someone or face any manner of decision. Where does this need arise? At home, in families, during commutes, at work, in relationships, in the gym, and out with friends—whenever moments quietly call upon our actual ability to be courageous. Often, we don't even notice or, fearing discomfort, we look the other way. Every day, we lose opportunities to become our best selves. Based on my own history of weakness, I know we can do better. I train people to overcome their fears. Long experience with diverse clients has taught me to focus on two principles: