Gus Lee - The Courage Playbook

In families, children are usually not taught skills to discern the highest right action. Nor are they routinely guided to unconditionally respect all persons. Worse, they routinely overhear harsh and vicious language—not from screens—but from parents who angrily criticize people who hold different opinions. This can cultivate in children a persona of extreme intolerance. Further, they're seldom trained in practical behavioral problem solving or taught how to cope and persevere in the face of disappointment.

Most of us have pitched our tents in the center of Tier 3 country, which is compelling proof of our Age of Fear.

Tier 4: The heroic moral ideal. After consciously eliminating the lower‐tier options, what's the absolute best, ideal thing that I can do? In Tier 4, one courageously discerns that action, boldly does it despite risks to self‐interest, generously trains others to do the same, and does the Five Steps to Courage to improve in everything one does.

In Tier 4, people say to others, “I admire you the most for doing the right thing.” “How are you doing with that? Can I help you?” “I'm not understanding this decision. Could you tell us more?” “You may be right, but I need to understand your reasoning before I support it.” “Thank you for seeing me in private. I was disappointed by what you said to Biff in our meeting.” “You're blaming her but it was my fault.”

Tier 4's right action can at times include not taking immediate action because we need more time to discern, to gather more critical information, or because the greater good requires withdrawal. When I was in law enforcement, a man had witnessed a criminal gang member, who lived in his neighborhood, murder a rival. The witness received a message that his family would be killed if he merely went to court. Unable to provide round‐the‐clock protection for him and his family, I chose not to subpoena him. That decision still bothers me, but I discerned that it wouldn't have been the highest right action to compel him to risk the lives of his family.

“What percentage of people,” asked Bella Cruz, “live in Tier 4?”

“Sadly, not many,” I said. “Some in the leader development guild believe it's less than 5 percent. We've lost the language and the skills of doing the right thing. It's a terrible loss.”

“I agree,” said Gary. “I've gotten decades of training and I still struggle to solve basic relationship challenges. But which Tier produces the best results?”

I showed them the table in Figure 1.5:

“Fifteen‐hundred percent greater profits?” asked Gary. “Where did you get that?”

TIER 4 KEY INFO	TIER 1	TIER 2	TIER 3	TIER 4
FORTUNE 500 $ RESULTS	High rate of failure	High rate of failure	Achieves 30% of expectations	Out‐earns the general market by 1500%

Figure 1.5 Tier 4 Earning & Results Power

“It's from Stanford Business School's longitudinal research. They identified the Fortune 500s that made the greatest profits over a hundred‐year period—and how they managed to do it. They were shocked to learn that the few firms that consistently did the right thing far out‐earned the entire results‐oriented, profit‐seeking US business system. It shows that when we focus on the bottom line, we tend not to get what we want. The best way to make money is to care about your people and your customers’ welfare, and that takes care of the bottom line. It means that the actual bottom line is doing the right thing. The financial outcome is only a by‐product.”

“I have such a hard time believing,” said Bella Cruz, “that Tier 1 and 2 people fail. They always seem to get ahead.”

“Many do at first,” I said. “But can anyone truly trust or really follow people who are malicious, cruel, and mistreat others? People in Tiers 1 and 2 get hate instead of love; good people leave them; and gutsy people confront them and even sue and prosecute them. Thieves cheat and steal, but they have to live in the shadows, unable to trust anyone. A few keep what they steal, but constantly waiting for a detective to ring the bell is a bad life. Their own people are likely to give them a harsh ending. In business, studies tell us that most results‐only and unethical firms fail.”

Bella slowly nodded her head. “But they sure hurt a lot of people before that happens.”

“And they'll continue as long as people don't practice their courage.”

I then asked Gary and Bella to each fill in a blank Tier 4 table ( Figures 1.6and 1.7).

Figure 1.6 Gary's Tier 4 Table

Figure 1.7 Bella's Tier 4 Table

Reader, in which Tier are you, right now? Check your space.

Figure 1.8 My Tier 4 Table

Gary and Bella said they felt the strong tug of Tier 1 or 2 options. Seeing them laid out in front of them helped them decide to not go that way. They said that they hoped they wouldn't do Tier 3. Neither was ready to guess at a Tier 4 action.

“That's okay,” I said. “First, the tool shows us how fear affects our decisions. Second, it invites us to practice not impulsively giving in to fear and anxiety in decision making. In Step Three, we'll see what Tier 4 options look like and begin practicing them.”

Before we finish Step One with the Mindfulness Pivot, let's stretch and breathe. Try to breathe slowly and deeply. Fill the diaphragm and let your belly push outwards. James Nestor found that inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth is best for normal breathing. 10 We'll see that breathing in this methodical way also reduces tension and uncertainty. (I've just paused writing to breathe and stretch.)

When Gary cajoled, punished, and played Tiers 1–3's reactive game of carrot‐and‐stick, he became mired in a protracted war of wills with Dr. Bellevue. Gary saw he couldn't control Aiden's behaviors.

But he could first improve himself.

Gary had experienced the Tier 4 Mindfulness Pivot. It's the radical shift from spending your precious energy on anger and fear to instead calmly correcting the self.

Psychologist Dr. Seth Gillihan finds that our fears inflate discomfort into existential threats. 11 As Gary feared Aiden, Bella Cruz had given her energy to counting the reasons for failure and her terrible personal risks. Each had developed the habit of being anxious about having anxiety and fearing the fact that they had fears; they'd doubled their suffering to create a constant, negative, and troubled mindset. Bella's Mindfulness Pivot happened when she saw the reality that she and her department were doing well, that she could survive a disrespectful boss, and that she had endured far worse. She realized that anxiety and worry weren't helping her or her children, and that she could stop giving in to her unrealistic fears.