Lemony Snicket - The Carnivorous Carnival

"Ingredi," Sunny said, which meant "Meanwhile, I'll look through all this food and make sure we have everything we need to prepare meals."

"Good idea," Violet said. "We'd better hurry before someone finds us."

"There you are!" called a voice from the entrance to the tent, and the Baudelaires jumped. Violet hurriedly stuffed her ribbon back into her pocket, and Klaus removed his glasses, so they could turn around without revealing their disguise. Count Olaf and Esmé Squalor were standing together in the doorway of the tent, with their arms around one another, looking tired but happy, as if they were two parents coming home after a long day at work, instead of a vicious villain and his scheming girlfriend coming into a fortune-teller's tent after an afternoon of violence. Esmé Squalor was clutching a small bouquet of ivy her boyfriend had apparently given her, and Count Olaf was holding a flaming torch, which was shining as brightly as his wicked eyes.

"I've been looking everywhere for you two," he said. "What are you doing in here?"

"We decided to let all of you freaks join us," Esmé said, "even though you weren't very courageous at the lions' pit."

"That's very kind of you to offer," Violet said quickly, "but you don't want cowards like us in your troupe."

"Sure we do," Count Olaf said, with a nasty smile. "We keep losing assistants, and it's always good to have a few to spare. I even asked the woman who runs the gift caravan to join us, but she was too worried about her precious figurines to know that opportunity was knocking."

"Besides," Esmé said, stroking Olaf's hair, "you don't really have any choice. We're going to burn this carnival down to eliminate all the evidence that we've been here. Most of the tents are already on fire, and the carnival visitors and carnival workers are running for their lives. If you don't join us, where can you possibly go?"

The Baudelaires looked at one another in dismay. "I guess you're right," Klaus said.

"Of course we're right," Esmé said. "Now get out of here and help us pack up the trunk."

"Wait a minute," Count Olaf said, and strode over to the table. "What's this?" he demanded. "It looks like a map."

"It is a map," Klaus admitted with a sigh, wishing he had hidden it in his pockets. "A map of the Mortmain Mountains."

"The Mortmain Mountains?" Count Olaf said, examining the map eagerly. "Why, that's where we're heading! Lulu said that if there was a parent alive, they'd be hiding up there! Does the map show any headquarters on it?"

"I think these black rectangles indicate headquarters," Esmé said, peering over Olaf's shoulder. "I'm pretty good at reading maps."

"No, they represent campgrounds," Olaf said, looking at the key, but then his face broke out into a smile. "Wait a minute," he said, and pointed to the stain the Baudelaires had been examining. "I haven't seen one of these in a long time," he said, stroking his scraggly chin.

"A small brown stain?" Esmé asked. "You saw that this morning."

"This is a coded stain," Count Olaf explained. "I was taught to use this on maps when I was a little boy. It's to mark a secret location without anyone else noticing."

"Except a smashing genius," Esmé said. "I guess we're heading for the Valley of Four Drafts."

"V.F.D.," Count Olaf said, and giggled. "That's appropriate. Well, let's go. Is there anything else useful in here?"

The Baudelaires looked quickly at the table, where the archival library was hidden. Underneath the black tablecloth decorated with silver stars was all the crucial information Madame Lulu had gathered to give her visitors what they wanted. The children knew that all sorts of important secrets could be found in the gathering of paper, and they shuddered to think what Count Olaf would do if he discovered all those secrets.

"No," Klaus said finally. "Nothing else useful."

Count Olaf frowned, and kneeled down so that his face was right next to Klaus's. Even without his glasses, the middle Baudelaire could see that Olaf had not washed his one eyebrow for quite some time, and could smell his breath as he spoke. "I think you're lying to me," the villain said, and waved the lit torch in Klaus's face.

"My other head is telling the truth," Violet said.

"Then what is that food doing there?" Count Olaf demanded, pointing at the cardboard box. "Don't you think food would be useful for a long journey?"

The Baudelaires sighed in relief. "Grr!" Sunny growled.

"Chabo compliments you on your cleverness," Klaus said, "and so do we. We hadn't noticed that box."

"That's why I'm the boss," Count Olaf said, "because I'm smart and I have good eyesight." He laughed nastily, and put the torch in Klaus's hand. "Now then," he said, "I want you to light this tent on fire, and then bring the box of food over to the car. Chabo, come with me. I'm sure I'll find something for you to sink your teeth into."

"Grr," Sunny said doubtfully.

"Chabo would prefer to stay with us," Violet said.

"I couldn't care less what Chabo would prefer," Olaf snarled, and picked up the youngest Baudelaire as if she were a watermelon. "Now get busy."

Count Olaf and Esmé Squalor walked out of the tent with Chabo, leaving the elder Baudelaires alone with the flaming torch.

"We'd better pick up the box first," Klaus said, "and light the tent from the outside. Otherwise we'll be surrounded by flames in no time."

"Are we really going to follow Olaf's orders?"

Violet asked, looking at the table again. "The archival library might have the answers to all our questions."

"I don't think we have a choice," Klaus said. "Olaf is burning down the whole carnival, and riding with him is our only chance to get to the Mortmain Mountains. You don't have time to invent something, and I don't have time to look through the library."

"We could find one of the other carnival employees," Violet said, "and ask them if they would help us."

"Everyone either thinks that we're freaks or murderers," Klaus said. "Sometimes even I think so."

"If we join Count Olaf," Violet said, "we might become even more freakish and murderous."

"But if we don't join him," Klaus asked, "where can we possibly go?"

"I don't know," Violet said sadly, "but this can't be the right thing to do, can it?"

"Maybe it's harum-scarum," Klaus said, "like Olivia said."

"Maybe it is," Violet said, and walked awkwardly with her brother to the cardboard box and picked it up. Klaus held the torch, and the two Baudelaires walked out of the fortune-telling tent for the last time.

When they first stepped out, still wearing the same pair of pants, it seemed as if night had already fallen, although the air was black and not the blue of the famous hinterlands sunsets. But then Violet and Klaus realized that the air was filling with smoke. Looking around, they saw that many of the tents and caravans were already on fire, as Count Olaf had said, and the flames were billowing black smoke up into the sky. Around them, the last of the carnival visitors were rushing to escape from Olaf's treachery, and in the distance the siblings could hear the panicked roars of the lions, who were still trapped in the pit.

"This isn't the kind of violence I like!" shouted the man with pimples on his face, coughing in the smoke as he ran by. "I prefer it when other people are in danger!"

"Me, too!" said the reporter from The Daily Punctilio, running alongside him. "Olaf told me that the Baudelaires are responsible! I can see the headline now: 'BAUDELAIRES CONTINUE THEIR LIVES OF CRIME!'"

"What kind of children would do such a terrible thing?" asked the man with the pimpled chin, but Violet and Klaus could not hear the answer over the voice of Count Olaf.

"Hurry up, you two-headed freak!" he called from around the corner. "If you don't come here right this minute, we're leaving without you!"