Gideon Defoe: The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

THANK YOU

WORDS TO KNOW:

lubber pirate starboard

ham sloop galley

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Firstly, to Richard Murkin, because this book is the product of us knocking about for the last ten years. Thanks also to Helen Garnons-Williams for her ace editing, Claire Paterson for her ace agenting and Caitlin Moran for actually sending it to Claire in the first place. I should mention that David Cordingly's Life among the Pirates and Bodenstandig 2000's Maxi German Rave Blast Hits Vol. 3 both came in very useful when I was writing this.

Plus (for a load of different reasons): my mum, Sam Brown, Chloe Brown, Rob Adey, Nicola Hughes, Dr Jack Button, Danny Garlick, Sherhan Lingham and Rebecca Andrews. And Ruth.

A surprisingly successful boat raid leads them to the young Charles Darwin, in desperate need of their help. And so the pirates set forth for London in a bid to save the scientist from the sinister scheming of an evil Bishop. There they encounter grisly murder, vanishing ladies, the Elephant Man - and have an exciting trip to the zoo. Now a major motion picture from Aardman Animations - featuring the voices of Hugh Grant, Martin Freeman, Imelda Staunton and Brian Blessed - The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists is the least historically accurate book you'll read all year.

'A short, deliriously funny novel about incredibly stupid pirates and ham . . . I've had to grow a luxuriant beard to conceal the grin that's been compromising my dignity since I read it' Ardal O'Hanlon

'Very funny, very silly and highly original' Esquire

'Shanty' probably derives from the French word 'chanter' meaning to sing. Most shanties tended to be about frisky mermaids who loved putting out for sailors more than anyone.

It was Francis Drake who had first made the Spanish Main a popular target, back in 1571. A replica of his boat, the Golden Hind, can be found today next to London Bridge.

Captain Johnson's General History of the Pyrates tells us that most pirate ships had a set of Articles, by which the crew had to adhere. Article 3 states 'No person to game at cards or dice for money', so Black Bellamy is showing his maverick colours here.

The Royal Society was set up in 1660, and many famous scientists have been members, including Robert Boyle, Robert Hooke and John Venn. Why not try drawing a Venn Diagram of 'pirates' (A) and 'ham' (B) and 'barrels of tar' (C). How large is the intersection (X)?

20Black looks best on persons who have black in their features (hair, eyes, brows and lashes), although black can be worn by most people for very dramatic occasions.

Wrestlers today are highly trained professionals, and obviously you should never try smacking people about the head with chairs or throwing them through tables at home. Even the best wrestlers get injured -Mick Foley, three times WWF champion, has broken most of the bones in his body during his career, lost several teeth and even an ear.