Ben Kane - Fields of Blood

With renewed resolve, she threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. Lighting her oil lamp was too risky. Besides, she knew the layout of her room like the back of her hand. Shrugging a blanket over her shoulders to guard against the chill, she tiptoed to the door and placed her ear against the timbers. Not a sound. Aurelia had long since perfected the knack of lifting the latch without making any noise. Pulling the horizontal bar towards her, she raised it while with her other hand she firmly pulled the door ajar. A glance outside. Nothing moved. No one stirred.

Aurelia slipped into the covered passageway that bordered the courtyard. Everything had been turned a beautiful shade of silver by the moon. The cold was piercing, and she clutched the blanket to her. Her exhaled breath formed instant clouds before her face, so she was careful to remain in the shadows as she scanned the square for any sign of life. The only creature in sight was the cat that hung around the kitchen, and it ignored her. Content, Aurelia slid her feet across the mosaic floor, counting each step. To reach Gaius’ chamber, she had to go past her parents’ room, which lay fifteen paces from hers. By the time she’d reached ten, she could feel sweat running down her back. Eleven. Twelve. Somnus, she prayed to the god of sleep, keep my mother firmly in your grasp, I beg you.

Aurelia was right outside Atia’s door when there was a cough from within. It took all of her self-control not to turn and bolt. She froze. Time stood still as she waited to be discovered. Blood rushed in her ears. She saw her mother before her in a towering fury, a whip in her right hand. She blinked. The horrific image disappeared. Aurelia forced herself to breathe slowly. By the count of twenty, there had been no further sounds. Knees weak from trembling, she crept on. Outside Gaius’ room, she paused. There was still time to return to her bed unnoticed. That notion vanished in a heartbeat. After the fear, she wanted some reward. She shocked herself by visualising a lingering kiss with Gaius. That picture bright in her mind, she lifted the latch with a practised hand and padded inside, closing the door behind her.

The momentousness of her actions hit home like a hammer blow. If she were caught, her mother would be incandescent. The very least she could expect was a whipping. Aurelia’s resolve weakened. Her arm reached back to the latch.

‘Who’s there?’ It was Gaius’ voice.

Her courage returned. ‘It is I, Aurelia.’ She rushed to his bedside.

‘Aurelia?’ He sounded confused. ‘Is something wrong? A fire?’

‘Don’t be alarmed. Nothing’s wrong. I wanted to talk to you.’

‘I see.’ He sat up. It was so dark that she could see only the outline of his face. ‘Your mother would kill us both if she found us like this.’

‘She won’t. She’s asleep.’

‘I hope so. What was it that couldn’t wait until the morning?’

Aurelia’s self-confidence vanished. She was here as much to defy her mother as she was to see Gaius. Admitting to either would involve losing face, though. ‘I’m so worried about Quintus and Father,’ she whispered in a rush. ‘I pray to the gods all the time, but I never hear anything back.’

He reached out and touched her cheek. ‘It’s bad enough for me not knowing about Quintus. It must be far worse for you.’

Unexpected tears began to flow. In the weeks since hearing about the disaster at the Trebia, Aurelia had buried her fears deep inside. Because of the arguments with her mother, she had no one to turn to. So she had battled on alone. One human touch, and her defences came tumbling down. ‘Oh, Gaius! W-what will I do if they’re both dead?’ she whispered jerkily.

He moved along the bed so that he could put his arms around her. ‘You poor thing.’

Aurelia began to sob.

‘Shhhh,’ murmured Gaius, rubbing her back. ‘Shhhh. Your mother will wake.’

She gulped and managed to rein her emotions in a little. Burying her face in his shoulder, she clutched him as if she were drowning. Gaius didn’t speak. He just held her tightly. Aurelia began to cry in earnest. She cried, silently, for a long time. For Quintus, for her father, for Suni, but most of all, for herself. Never in her whole life had she felt so alone as she had in the previous few months. It was as if Gaius understood that. His grip on her strengthened. It gave Aurelia the most incredible sense of reassurance. She relaxed into his embrace and let herself take comfort from his presence, his acceptance, his lack of questions. Here, she was safe. No one could hurt her. Her fears gradually abated, and a little while after that, her tears dried up.

Aurelia did not want to move from the circle of Gaius’ arms for a long time. His flesh was warm; his breath warmed her neck as he exhaled. She could feel his heart beating beneath her ear. He smelled very male . He was so strong. Her original purpose in entering his room returned to her mind. It was almost as if he noticed the change in her.

‘Feel better?’

She looked up at him. The curve of his lips was so tempting. ‘Yes, thank you.’

His grip eased. ‘Once it takes hold, despair is damn near impossible to shake off. It’s easy to become so mired in it that nothing makes sense.’

‘That’s how I’ve been feeling.’

‘The news from Cisalpine Gaul has all been bad, but your father’s a shrewd man. He fought Carthage for ten years before, and survived, remember. He will look out for Quintus. There’s every chance that they’re still alive. Flaccus too. Don’t give up on them just yet.’

‘You’re right,’ she whispered. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘There’s no need to apologise. I saw how strained you were with your mother. You have no one to confide in, do you?’

She shook her head miserably.

‘Well, you’ve got me,’ he said, giving her a squeeze. ‘You’re my best friend’s little sister. You can tell me anything.’

Not anything, thought Aurelia. ‘Thank you.’

‘I will make it my business to come out here every week or two. How’s that?’

‘That would be wonderful.’

Another squeeze, conspiratorial this time, before his arms fell away. ‘Now, away with you, before Atia wakes up and hears us.’

Aurelia didn’t really hear him. His face was so close. So inviting. If she leaned in a little, she could kiss him. It might have been her imagination, but she thought that he began to move towards her lips. Her head swam.

‘Aurelia.’

She returned to reality with a start. ‘Yes?’

He had pulled back a fraction. ‘You must go.’

‘Yes, yes. Thank you, Gaius.’

‘It’s all right.’ His whisper was a little gruff. ‘In future, though, it’d be best if you didn’t come into my bedroom at this hour.’

‘I won’t. I promise.’ Her heart sank. He doesn’t find me attractive. He’s only comforting me because I’m Quintus’ sister.

‘We’ll go for walks instead, eh?’

Her spirits rallied. There would be opportunities to be alone with him again. ‘I look forward to that.’

‘As do I. Now, good night.’

Aurelia returned to her room without incident. She lay in bed, listening to her own breathing. Thoughts of Quintus and her father came and went, but her worries about them had lost their sharp intensity. Flaccus didn’t even enter her mind. All she could think about was Gaius.

Gaius.

Despite the fact that she had had little sleep, Aurelia’s mood was buoyant when she awoke the following morning. She’d had a vivid dream about Gaius. Just remembering it made her blush. From the strip of light under her door, she knew that it was full light outside: time to rise before her mother came knocking. Today, she was careful to put on her best dress, a dark green, loosely cut garment given to her by Atia as a birthday present. Aurelia brushed her hair with more care than she’d taken in weeks. She wanted to put on her garnet earrings, but her mother’s eagle eyes would spot them long before Gaius did. Contenting herself with a dab of rosewater at the base of her throat and on her wrists, she stepped out into the covered walkway that ran around the courtyard. Gaius emerged at the same moment; he gave her a sly wink, which she returned with a little grin.