Juan Moisés De La Serna - The Spy

If someone saw me with these military looks, they wouldn't recognize me. The first thing I had to do to when I entered the army was to shave my hair, especially symbolic was when they cut my Payot, those ringlets that following the Mitzvah, had never been cut off, thus losing my distinctive identity, thankfully my parents never saw me like this! They thought I would become someone important, not for men but for the Creator.

My mother always talked to me about how essential it was to fulfill our duties at all times, that they were always watching us, and that whatever happened, I should never lose the protection from above.

So many stories she had told me, how far in the past they seemed now! It could almost be the life of another person, where all those hours of study and discussion with other classmates or with a rabbi about the Talmud remained?, yes, that was one of my favorite things to do, to question everything and try to refute the rest with arguments.

Since I had entered the army everything had been different, my past life had been so far behind, always trying to fit in, not showing that I had a family and an origin so different from the rest, and instead now in Jerusalem, everything seemed that made some kind of sense.

Who knew I would be in these lands ?, treading where our ancestors did, where the history of our people was written, and instead, how unknown everything was to me, and how strange I felt!

I ran the palm of my hand over my face, and I was shaved, as the ordinances commanded, but that face did not show my true image, the one I had been educated to have, instead I now saw other Jews pass by respecting the Mishnah, Jewish laws, with the essential kippa, while those who come from Europe distinguished themselves by also wearing black caftan and steimel (a fur cap), and me, wearing only that military uniform of British regular.

I was absorbed in those thoughts when two women passed in front of me, one of them, I think after looking at me, she smiled.

I did not give more importance, but coming out of that moment of my self-absorption I got up and following an inexplicable internal impulse, I greeted them:

– Good afternoon ladies! Can you tell me what time it is?

–Ladies? They said laughing. What is the watch on the wrist for?

I just said the first thing that passed my mind and looked at it saying at the same time:

–Well, it is not working!

One of them took my hand and raising it to have a look at it said:

–Looks like is working now!

–But… thanks! –I managed to say, before they both left laughing.

I felt so strange, I didn't quite understand why I had stood up in front of them, and with an excuse as bad as that.

So many years of service and I had forgotten a part of me, the family man, my family. We all have the obligation to form one, in order to pass our knowledge and the lessons received to the new generations.

But the army had absorbed me so much and for so long, I barely limited myself to doing my job and nothing else.

But those women, I don't know! That incident had awakened something inside me, or maybe it was tea, or maybe that city.

I found myself very, very lost.

Of course, I didn't know everything I know now, if I had known then, I would have preferred to go back to the United States, or even to England.

At least there I would have had a different life, not better, but possibly it would have been easier.

In England I would have recovered my classes at the University; In the US, they would have put me in charge of some intelligence or logistic support center, where they valued my years of experience, but staying in Israel was the most risky and strange thing that could have happened to me, and it happened to me.

After so many years, I can see how the circumstances began to lead me towards my destiny, if you could say so! At least that is what a non-believer can think, now with time, I am sure they guided my steps to fulfill a mission.

How different everything looks with the passage of time! So much nonsense done, so much wasted time when not trusting the Creator!

Now when I see a young man dressed as a military pass by, I feel sorry for him! So excited, so eager, and so lost, he doesn't know what his future will hold for him.

Very few from all those who get enlisted make a career in the end, they stayed a few years and a little more, some remain five or six years and that's it, and the rest leave it without thinking about it, although they have nowhere to go.

Even the army, when they have been some years, they discard them, especially for certain outposts, since the reflexes and enthusiasm that they show at the beginning are lost over the years.

On the other hand, in certain positions it is quite the opposite, the more years of experience, the better it is for you!, because you get promoted, the performance you can give to the army is better, among those positions, there are those of intelligence, to which I've dedicated my whole life.

Who knew ? A "simple mathematician," as my superiors called me, and what I became, and all for being at the right time, in the right place, Israel.

That was the place where my life really changed, in every way, a place so different from what I expected, with people who have always been fighting to survive.

Strangely, it was there where I discovered my roots, so far from my land or from my parents.

It seems like that it was yesterday when I said goodbye to them, almost without warning and after having thought about it a lot, during the long journey on that ship that took us to America, and then there, we had to go to register and from there, they picked us up.

At first everything was fine, in that growing community of Jews, they opened their doors, and shared what they had with all the newly arrived, including home and food.

My mother was very nostalgic, she hardly went out to the street, since she said that everything seemed very strange, she also had the difficulty of the language, so she feared that if some authority stopped her, she would not know what to answer, despite being already safe in a different country, she kept thinking about everything she had to leave behind.

My father, on the other hand, spent all his time outside, trying to find work, and although some of those new acquaintances had proposed him to work with them, he had rejected those proposals. I am not sure if it was pride, or not wanting to abuse more of the kindness of his brothers in the faith.

The problem is that neither of them spoke British, beyond a few words to greet, but not enough to develop their daily lives.

On the other hand, that didn't happen to me, my mother insisted since I was a child that I learn that language, which now suited me very well and served as an interpreter when needed.

That country seemed so different, there was a strange environment of diversity, it was not a culture, but a mixture of them, with people of different colors and beliefs.

Well, to what I was going, I had heard other young people on the ship about their intentions to enlist, some said it was the fastest way to get citizenship, or that they were trained in a job, but others, that was what interested me most, they talked about the army giving them a salary while they were there, apart from food and a place to sleep, that caught my attention, if I already received food and had my clothes and stay covered, why would I want the salary?

So I thought that this could be a good solution if my father couldn't get a job in this new country, as it was.

One morning, after completing my prayers, I went down to the dining room and there, the family gathered, I said:

– I'm going to join the American army!

– What do you say son? –My mother replied with a puzzled face.

– To the army? But have you lost your mind? –Asked my father.