Annie Auerbach - Despicable Me

“Mr. Perkins? Your son is here,” she announces.

His face falls. Then he says, “Send him in.”

The receptionist leaves, and then through the door steps… Vector!

“Hi, Dad. You wanted to see me?” he says, acting as if everything is okay.

Mr. Perkins nods. “Yes, I did, Victor.”

“I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector.”

With a steely gaze, Mr. Perkins tells him to sit down.

Mr. Perkins raises his eyebrows. “Do you know where the Shrink Ray is?”

“Duh, back at my place,” replies Vector.

“Really?” says his father. “Then I guess Gru must have one that looks exactly like it !” He flips open his laptop, which displays a freeze-frame from the videoconference. It shows Gru holding the Shrink Ray. In the background are Margo, Edith, and Agnes.

Vector gasps at the image. “Those girls sold me cookies!”

Mr. Perkins looks intently at his son. “Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I gave you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blew it!”

Vector tries to figure out a way to save face. “No, I didn’t,” he lies.

“Really?” his father asks.

“Just wait till Gru sees my latest weapon: Squid Launcher. Oh, yeah!” Vector pulls out his Squid Launcher and fires it out the door.

“Aaaaiiiggghhh! There’s a squid on my face!” screams the unfortunate employee the squid landed on.

Vector turns back to his father and declares, “Don’t worry. The moon is as good as ours.”

“Come on, it’s bedtime!” Gru tells the girls.

Margo, Edith, and Agnes are running around all over the place.

“Did you brush your teeth?” asks Gru. “Put on your PJs. Hold still! Seriously, seriously! This is beddy-bye time. Right now. I am not kidding around. I mean it!”

“But we’re not tired,” Edith says.

“Well, I am tired!” Gru says.

Agnes holds up a copy of a book titled Sleepy Kittens . “Will you read us a bedtime story?”

“No,” says Gru.

“Pretty please?” begs Agnes, pouting her lips and making big sad eyes.

“The physical appearance of the ‘please’ makes no difference,” Gru points out. “It is still no. So go to sleep.”

“We can’t. We’re all hyper,” says Edith.

Margo smiles. “And without a bedtime story, we’ll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long .”

Gru sighs. “Fine.” He takes the book from Agnes and sits down on the floor next to the girls’ beds. He opens the book, revealing three kitten finger puppets attached to it. “What are these?”

“Puppets,” explains Agnes. “You use them when you tell the story.”

Gru is intrigued. He sticks three of his fingers through the back of the book to wiggle the finger puppets, and then he begins to read:

“Now you brush the fur,” instructs Edith.

There is a little brush attached to the page. Gru picks it up and brushes the kittens’ fur.

“This is literature? A two-year-old could have written this,” he grumbles. He turns the page and continues reading:

“Now make them drink the milk,” Agnes says.

Gru makes the puppets drink milk from the saucer illustrated on the page. He turns to the next page and notices that Agnes has snuggled up next to him. He moves her arm so it isn’t so close to him.

All three girls yawn, as does Gru.

Tears well up in Gru’s eyes. The girls look up at him, surprised by his reaction. Realizing what’s going on, Gru immediately slams the book shut.

“The end. Okay, good night!” says Gru, running for the door.

“Wait!” yells Agnes.

Gru stops. “What?”

“What about good night kisses?” she asks.

Gru tries to keep his emotions contained as he responds. “No no no! There will be no kissing or hugging!” Then he leaves.

“I like him. He’s nice,” Agnes says to the other girls.

Edith nods and adds, “But scary.”

“Like Santa,” says Agnes.

In the hallway, Gru tries to regain his composure. He walks past the framed family tree on the wall and does a double take. On the wall below the frame, the girls have drawn themselves in with crayons, to make themselves part of the family. Gru has a moment of yearning before he hears…

“Only forty-eight hours until the rocket launch, and all systems are go!” exclaims Dr. Nefario.

Gru nervously begins to pick up after the girls—shoes, socks, toys, even crackers are scattered about. “Um, about that. I was thinking maybe we could move the date of the heist.”

Dr. Nefario is taken aback. “What? Why?”

“No reason,” Gru says, trying to act casual. “I just thought that—”

Dr. Nefario puts his hands on his hips and squares his jaw. “Is this because of the girls’ dance recital?”

“No no no! The recital? No,” Gru replies quickly. “I just think it’s kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking maybe a moon heist is more of a Tuesday thing.”

But Dr. Nefario isn’t buying Gru’s excuse. “That’s it! You are on the verge of becoming the greatest villain of all time, Gru. ‘The Man Who Stole the Moon’!”

“I know,” Gru says quietly.

“These girls are becoming a major distraction, and there is absolutely no reason to keep them here.”

Gru can’t believe what he is hearing.

“They need to go,” Dr. Nefario adds cruelly. “If you don’t do something about it, I will.”

The next day, Gru is having a tea party with the three girls when the doorbell rings. He opens the door to see Miss Hattie on the other side. “What are you doing here?” he asks.

“I’m here for the girls,” she replies. “I received a call that you wanted to return them.”

Gru is stunned. He never placed that call!

“I also purchased a Spanish dictionary,” continues Miss Hattie. Then she slaps Gru across the face with it. “I don’t like what you said!”

At that moment, Gru hears someone behind him clearing his throat. He turns to see Dr. Nefario across the room. He gives Gru a thumbs-up. Gru is shocked that Nefario has made good on his promise. The scientist had called the orphanage.

Feeling utterly trapped, Gru soon realizes he has no choice. He turns back to Miss Hattie and mutters, “I’ll get the girls ready.”

A little while later, Gru carries the girls’ bags to the car. Despite the girls’ eyes welling up with tears, Gru does his best not to let any feelings show.

Suddenly, Agnes grabs Gru’s leg. “Don’t let her take us back, Mr. Gru,” she pleads. “Tell her that you want to keep us.”