Annie Auerbach - Despicable Me

“I got the Shrink Ray,” Gru says lightly.

Dr. Nefario continues to simply stare.

Gru holds out a treat. “Cotton candy?”

Dr. Nefario bristles. “We have twelve days until the moon is in perfect position, Gru. We can’t afford any distractions.”

Gru nods seriously and says, “Get me Perkins on the video phone.”

“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this.”

“What?” says Mr. Perkins. He and Gru are having a videoconference. Each has a video camera that projects his image to the other person’s TV.

Gru aims the Shrink Ray at a minion and fires it, and the minion shrinks! In fact, it’s so tiny that another minion flicks the shrunken minion through the air. Gru catches the screaming minion in midair and looks back at Mr. Perkins’s image on the TV screen.

Mr. Perkins looks amazed. “Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.”

Gru smiles. Everything is finally going his way! He reaches for a set of slick art boards set up on an easel, using them to illustrate his plan:

“I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toilet. Wait, WHAT?!”

The fourth board is a child’s drawing of Gru sitting on the toilet. It is signed by Edith.

Gru tries to contain his anger. He looks at the camera and says, “Sorry, sorry. Would you excuse me for just one second?”

Mr. Perkins frowns as Gru slips out of sight. Gru storms over to the girls, who are giggling in the doorway.

“I told you not to touch my things. I told you a thousand times!” Gru whispers angrily.

“Uh-huh,” says Margo distractedly. “Can we order pizza?”

“Pizza? You just had lunch,” says Gru.

“Not now, later. For dinner,” explains Edith.

“Fine, fine, whatever,” says Gru. “Just get back in there.”

“Ooh, can we get stuffed crust?” asks Margo.

“I’ll stuff you all in the crust!” he says, trying to keep it together.

Agnes giggles. “You’re funny.”

“Just don’t come out of that room again!” insists Gru. He shuts the door and rushes back to the video monitor and smiles.

“All right. Sorry about that. Where were we?”

Mr. Perkins looks irritated. “You were sitting on the toilet.”

“No no no! No, I’m sorry,” Gru says quickly.

Suddenly Gru hears a noise and glances toward the door. It’s open again. Uh-oh.

“You don’t seem terribly focused, Gru,” says Mr. Perkins.

“Believe me, I am completely focused,” Gru insists.

Just then, the girls’ faces pop up on the TV screen.

“What are those? Children?!” Mr. Perkins splutters.

“Are we on TV?” asks Agnes.

Gru rushes after the girls. “Argh! What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here!” He chases the girls out and turns back to Mr. Perkins to speak. But then the girls run in again with the Freeze Ray and zap Gru. His whole body except for his head and two hands is encased in a block of ice. He rocks back and forth to scoot in front of the screen. “As I was saying—”

Mr. Perkins cuts him off. “No need to continue. I’ve seen quite enough.”

“But my plan was—” begins Gru.

“I love everything about your plan,” Mr. Perkins says. “Except for one thing: you.”

Gru stares at Mr. Perkins, confused. “I don’t understand.”

“Let’s face reality, Gru. You’ve been at this far too long with far too little success,” Mr. Perkins explains. “We’re going to put our faith and money into, well… a younger villain. One who actually might make something of himself.”

Gru is stunned and struggles for words.

“It’s over,” says Mr. Perkins. “Good-bye, Gru.”

With a heavy heart, Gru walks back into the lab and addresses the minions.

“Now, I know there have been some rumors going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumors to rest. They are true .”

The minions react with shock and horror. Margo, Edith, and Agnes hear the announcement, too. They exchange looks and then run off.

Gru continues. “In terms of money… we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear: we won’t.” Gru drops into an empty chair, defeated. The crowd becomes even more disheartened. “We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I have fired up my résumé, as I suggest that all of you do, as well.”

The crowd sighs collectively. Gru feels horrible, as if he’s let everyone down. Then he feels a tug on his jacket. He looks down and sees Margo, Edith, and Agnes. He frowns.

“What is it? Can’t you see I am in the middle of a pep talk?” he grumbles.

Agnes holds out a piggy bank. Puzzled, Gru takes the piggy bank and shakes it. He opens it, and several coins fall out into his hand. He looks at the girls, surprised by the feelings he’s having.

Then, one by one, the minions produce their own treasured possessions: wallets, wads of money, a mounted fish.

Gru looks at everyone and all the contributions. A smile forms on his face. “Yes!” he decides. “Who needs the bank? We will build our own rocket, using this and whatever else we can find!”

Gru crosses out a date on his wall calendar. A ticket that says DANCE RECITAL is clipped to the same day that says STEAL THE MOON. But he doesn’t pay much attention. He has a rocket to build—and fast!

Dr. Nefario is hard at work putting together the rocket. Also hard at work are the girls, practicing their ballet for the recital. A few of the minions like to practice with them, too. When Gru first sees all of them dance, he watches with interest… until Dr. Nefario spots him. Gru quickly changes his look to one of disapproval.

Launch day is getting closer. Gru crosses off another square on his calendar. That afternoon, he enters the living room to find a surprise: his mother sitting on the couch with the three girls! They are looking through an old scrapbook.

“And there he is in the bathtub,” Gru’s mother says, pointing to a picture.

The girls giggle.

Gru is mortified. “Mom! What are you doing here?”

His mom ignores him and just points to another picture. “And here he is all dressed up in his Sunday best.”

“He looks like a girl,” says Margo.

Gru’s mother laughs. “Yes, he does. An ugly girl.”

Gru shakes his head. He can’t believe his mother is there spending time with the girls! He goes back to the lab, shaking his head in disbelief.

Finally, after much hard work, the rocket is finished. Dr. Nefario is ready to unveil the completed rocket, which is a hodgepodge of different parts.

But Dr. Nefario can’t find anyone in the lab. The scientist is furious. He storms into Gru’s house and finds Gru showing off by making pancakes for the girls. Gru does not see Dr. Nefario becoming enraged behind him.

Dr. Nefario thinks the girls are ruining all the plans. And he thinks they’re ruining Gru, too. After all, what kind of villain enjoys cooking ?

Mr. Perkins sits at his desk, smashing various items. First he crushes a coconut. Pleased with the way it flattens, he moves on to a lightbulb. He is reaching for a stuffed toad playing a guitar when the receptionist enters.