Rupi Kaur: Milk and Honey

the way a parent looks at their child

when they know this is the type of pain

even they can’t fix

and says

it means nothing to me if he loves you

if he can’t do a single wretched thing about it

you were so distant

i forgot you were there at all

you said. if it is meant to be. fate will bring us back together. for a second i wonder if you are really that naive. if you really believe fate works like that. as if it lives in the sky staring down at us. as if it has five fingers and spends its time placing us like pieces of chess. as if it is not the choices we make. who taught you that. tell me. who convinced you. you’ve been given a heart and a mind that isn’t yours to use. that your actions do not define what will become of you. i want to scream and shout it’s us you fool. we’re the only ones that can bring us back together . but instead i sit quietly. smiling softly through quivering lips thinking. isn’t it such a tragic thing. when you can see it so clearly but the other person doesn’t.

don’t mistake

salt for sugar

if he wants to

be with you

he will

it’s that simple

he only whispers i love you

as he slips his hands

down the waistband

of your pants

this is where you must

understand the difference

between want and need

you may want that boy

but you certainly

don’t need him

you were temptingly beautiful

but stung when i got close

the woman who comes after me will be a bootleg version of who i am. she will try and write poems for you to erase the ones i’ve left memorized on your lips but her lines could never punch you in the stomach the way mine did. she will then try to make love to your body. but she will never lick, caress, or suck like me. she will be a sad replacement of the woman you let slip. nothing she does will excite you and this will break her. when she is tired of falling apart for a man that doesn’t give back what he takes she will recognize me in your eyelids staring at her with pity and it’ll hit her. how can she love a man who is busy loving someone he can never get his hands on again.

the next time you

have your coffee black

you’ll taste the bitter

state he left you in

it will make you weep

but you’ll never

stop drinking

you’d rather have the

darkest parts of him

than have nothing

more than anything

i want to save you

from myself

you have spent enough nights

with his manhood curled inside your legs

to forget what loneliness feels like

you whisper

i love you

what you mean is

i don’t want you to leave

that’s the

thing about love

it marinates your lips

till the only word your

mouth remembers

is his name

it must hurt to know

i am your most

beautiful

regret

i didn’t leave because

i stopped loving you

i left because the longer

i stayed the less

i loved myself

you mustn’t have to

make them want you

they must want you themselves

did you think i was a city

big enough for a weekend getaway

i am the town surrounding it

the one you’ve never heard of

but always pass through

there are no neon lights here

no skyscrapers or statues

but there is thunder

for i make bridges tremble

i am not street meat i am homemade jam

thick enough to cut the sweetest

thing your lips will touch

i am not police sirens

i am the crackle of a fireplace

i’d burn you and you still

couldn’t take your eyes off me

cause i’d look so beautiful doing it

you’d blush

i am not a hotel room i am home

i am not the whiskey you want

i am the water you need

don’t come here with expectations

and try to make a vacation out of me

the one who arrives after you

will remind me love is

supposed to be soft

he will taste

like the poetry

i wish i could write

if

he can’t help but

degrade other women

when they’re not looking

if toxicity is central

to his language

he could hold you

in his lap and be soft

honey

that man could feed you sugar and

douse you in rose water

but that still could not

make him sweet

- if you want to know the type of man he is

i am a museum full of art

but you had your eyes shut

you must have known

you were wrong

when your fingers

were dipped inside me

searching for honey that

would not come for you

the thing

worth holding on to

would not have let go

when you are broken

and he has left you

do not question

whether you were

enough

the problem was

you were so enough

he was not able to carry it

love made the danger

in you look like safety

even when you undress her

you are searching for me

i am sorry i

taste so good

when the two of you

make love it is

still my name

that rolls off your

tongue accidently

you treat them like they

have a heart like yours

but not everyone can be as

soft and as tender

you don’t see the

person they are

you see the person

they have the potential to be

you give and give till

they pull everything out of you

and leave you empty

i had to leave

i was tired of

allowing you to

make me feel

anything less

than whole

you were the most beautiful thing i’d ever felt till now. and i was convinced you’d remain the most beautiful thing i’d ever feel. do you know how limiting that is. to think at such a ripe young age i’d experienced the most exhilarating person i’d ever meet. how i’d spend the rest of my life just settling. to think i’d tasted the rawest form of honey and everything else would be refined and synthetic. that nothing beyond this point would add up. that all the years beyond me could not combine themselves to be sweeter than you.

- falsehood

i don’t know what living a balanced life feels like

when i am sad

i don’t cry i pour

when i am happy

i don’t smile i glow

when i am angry

i don’t yell i burn

the good thing about feeling in extremes is

when i love i give them wings

but perhaps that isn’t

such a good thing cause

they always tend to leave

and you should see me

when my heart is broken

i don’t grieve

i shatter

i came all this way

to give you all these things

but you aren’t even looking

the abused

and the

abuser

- i have been both

i am undoing you

from my skin

it wasn’t you i was kissing

— don’t be mistaken

it was him on my mind

your lips were just convenient

it always comes back to you

boils

circles

itches

its way back to you

i was music

but you had your ears cut off

my tongue is sour

from the hunger of

missing you

i will not have you

build me into your life

when

what i want is to

build a life with you

- the difference

rivers fall from my mouth

tears my eyes can’t carry

you are snakeskin

and i keep shedding you somehow

my mind is forgetting

every exquisite detail

of your face

the letting go has

become the forgetting

which is the most

pleasant and saddest thing

to have happened

you were not wrong for leaving

you were wrong for coming back