Peter Handke - The Ride Across Lake Constance and Other Plays

( Pause. )

JANNINGS

( Fluently ) Perhaps he felt you didn’t expect an answer to your question.

BERGNER

Can’t he answer for himself?

JANNINGS

I speak for him.

BERGNER

Are you more powerful than he is?

JANNINGS

Why? I mean, why do you ask?

BERGNER

Because you speak for him. (JANNINGS is taken aback. He looks at GEORGE, who returns the glance. JANNINGS stammers. Pause . BERGNER quickly ) Does he please you? (JANNINGS nods absentmindedly. ) Naturally, as your friend he can’t help but please you.

JANNINGS

More powerful? Yes … Yes, why not? ( To GEORGE) Right? I speak for you, therefore you have to listen to what I say! (GEORGE nods playfully. ) You’re not my friend! If someone has something to say here, it’s me! ( Pause . JANNINGS and GEORGE begin to play . JANNINGS drops into the fauteuil and stretches out his feet. ) The boots! (GEORGE quickly steps up to him, gets down on one knee, and puts on JANNINGS’S boots.) The tea! (GEORGE quickly pours into a cup; hands him the cup.) The sugar! (GEORGE offers him the sugar bowl. JANNINGS takes a piece with the sugar tongs and lets it drop elegantly into the cup.) A spoon! (GEORGE hands him a spoon. Both grin, are close to giggling. JANNINGS stirs once snappily with the spoon .) The newspaper! (GEORGE is already by the newspaper table and back .) My glasses!

GEORGE

( Blurts out ) But you don’t wear glasses!

JANNINGS

( Snorts .) The mustard! The hairbrush! The … (He hesitates.)

GEORGE

( Assists him .) The photo album! The pincers!

JANNINGS

( With a surgeon’s gesture ) The scalpel! The scissors!

GEORGE

A permanent — and make it snappy!

JANNINGS

( Reaching blindly behind him with gestures of an auto mechanic .) The pliers! The monkey wrench! The soldering iron!

GEORGE

Hand over all your money — and be quick about it, if you please!

JANNINGS

The sun!

GEORGE

( Hesitates .) Why the sun?

JANNINGS

( Fatigued by the game ) The sun has come up.

GEORGE

( Confused ) Why? I mean, why do you say that?

JANNINGS

( Snaps at him. ) Those are my words ! ( As if exhausted ) I don’t know why.

GEORGE

( Confused, but indifferent ) Your saying so doesn’t change anything. ( The last words he has spoken to himself .)

( In fact, the dawn light did change gradually some time ago to a normal stage light.

Finally one hears VON STROHEIM.)

VON STROHEIM

Wrong! Entirely wrong! (He gets up quickly. BERGNER has turned toward him; whereas she previously had turned away from the others as if disappointed.) I’ll show you how it should be done!

( Pause. All prepare to watch.

VON STROHEIM takes a slow look around as if he is about to pick out someone . GEORGE and JANNINGS draw in their heads when his glance passes them. Finally VON STROHEIM examines PORTEN. Since he has his back to the audience, the fact that he is looking at her can only be gleaned from her response to him. First she leans forward, sits upright. Then she rises like a sleepwalher, walks toward VON STROHEIM, stops in front of him. Standing before him, she wants to take off his dressing gown, but then steps behind him and take it off from behind; while doing so, she does not seem to touch him. She walks to the tapestry door behind which the vacuum cleaner is stored, hangs the coat inside, takes out a wine-red smoking jacket; back again behind VON STROHEIM, she spreads it out and he slips into it; again they do not touch one another. GEORGE, as spectator, coughs. )

JANNINGS

Psst!

(PORTEN pulls VON STROHEIM’S cuffs from under his jacket sleeves. Pause. VON STROHEIM now describes a quarter circle with his hand, signaling PORTEN to stand in front of him. She obeys immediately and, in doing so, makes sure never to turn her back to him. She stops in front of him. He beckons her with his index finger to come closer. Pause.

JANNINGS, eagerly watching, points with a similar circular movement of his hand at the cigar box . GEORGE, also enthralled, has noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye and obeys blindly by handing JANNINGS the box from the table, still watching the two. Then he realizes what he has done and is quite startled. He looks toward JANNINGS. They look at one another rather startled and immediately turn back to the action.

VON STROHEIM pulls PORTEN closer to him by the stole. Playfully he steps a little to the side so that PORTEN is completely visible too. He grabs her with his index finger under the chin and lifts her face. Pause. He strokes the back of her head. Pause. He pats her fondly on the shoulder. Pause. He drums with two fingers on her cheek. Pause. He snaps his fingers against her teeth. Pause. He pulls her lower eyelid down with his finger. Pause. He gives her a pat on the behind so that she goes half down on her knees. Pause. GEORGE coughs .)

JANNINGS

Psst!

(VON STROHEIM turns PORTEN around, so that she stands with her back to him and walks back a step. Pause . GEORGE coughs. Still sitting, JANNINGS gives him a kick . GEORGE, standing by the table, jerks forward a little; but PORTEN, as if she had been kicked, tumbles across the stage toward the sofa and remains lying in front of it. In fact, VON STROHEIM had already lifted his knee to administer a kick. Pause. Startled, they all look at each other. Pause. )

BERGNER

It’s nice to watch when something is beginning to function smoothly. It’s like watching a sale: move after move. Here the goods, there the money! Here the money, there the goods! Or like listening to two people talking: first the question, then the reply. Someone holds out his hand, the other shakes it. How are you, I’m fine! How do you like him, I think he’s okay! Someone gets up, you’re already leaving? Someone sighs, and you pat him. Oh, that’s beautiful!

(VON STROHEIM slowly lowers his leg, turns around slightly dazed. PORTEN pulls herself up on the sofa and sits down, her face half turned away.

GEORGE sits down bewildered in the fauteuil. JANNINGS looks at the boot with which he kicked him. He punches his leg and upper arm a few times . GEORGE, too, fiercely pinches his arm once. BERGNER sighs. She walks up to VON STROHEIM, then stops short. He comes toward her, then stops. She takes his hand, puts it on her breast. She caresses herself with his hand until he begins to caress her. PORTEN suddenly gets up and runs toward the table. GEORGE, who from her viewpoint is sitting behind the table, stands up unintentionally . BERGNER and VON STROHEIM let go of each other and watch. )

GEORGE

( Asks ) What would you like? ( The words slipped out. )

PORTEN

( Like a customer ) Do you carry gas pistols?

GEORGE

Gas pistols? You mean “tear-gas pistols”?

PORTEN

Aren’t you the salesman? (GEORGE makes no reply.) You were sitting behind the table and got up when I came in; you’re the salesman, aren’t you?

GEORGE

( Looks at JANNINGS, who signifies to him to agree with her.) The salesman? You mean I am “the salesman”? Well, why shouldn’t I be the salesman? I asked you, didn’t I, “What would you like?” What would you like? A weapon perhaps, for the way home after dark?